Week's Round-up Rant

We are finally back from the autism conference. I have to say, a week is far too long to talk about one thing and one thing only--especially when you aren't entirely passionate about it. Now, if it were a conference about puppies, or gardens, or pottery, I could get into that. But by mid week we were done. We did have some great conversations with some work folks, and had some good eats and shopping excursions while out and about in the "big" town.

I have a few observations that I would like to share--I apologize in advance for the harshness of some of the things I am about to say . . .

1. I had noted that at this conference, and elsewhere in the world of autism, it has become very important for people to qualify the severity, or mildness of their child's autism. For instance, one could overhear hundreds of times at the conference "My son, who has high functioning autism" or "My daughter, who has aspergers" BLAH BLAH BLAH. Never once did I hear "My son, who is severely impaired" or "My daughter who is extremely limited". I bring this up for the mere fact that if I were a parent of a child who was severely affected by autism--of which there must be many-- I would have felt very lonely and left out of this large event. I find this is true not only here, but in other arenas as well when it comes to autism. No one wants to have the child who can't toilet themselves, who rocks in the corner most days, who cannot be reached. I feel so bad for these parents, and the lack of support they must feel from their own community.

2. On this same vein, there is such a divide between those who feel it is ok to medicate their children, and those who think it is a cardinal sin. Again, why must parents be made to feel guilty for trying to do something that will help their children. I sat in a session where people went head to head on this issue-and in the end I felt as if they'd all lost sight of what was most important. The children they speak so eloquently about wanting to help. It is not helpful to them if a parent chooses to withhold something that may be beneficial. I know that is my view, and I do have a right to it. But why would you continue to allow you child to be anxious to the point that they are hurting themselves and others, simply because you don't want to medicate them? I get that there are risks, and that it isn't for everyone--and I am in NO WAY advocating for a blanket mass medication of the autistics. But I am saying it shouldn't be ruled out as well.

3. There are parents who spend every last minute of every last day fighting so very hard to be sure their child has hours and hours a week of services. They view the professionals as people they must battle with-uncaring and horrible people. Yes, this was actually said by some that we as professionals are uncaring and lack professionalism and understanding--because if we cared, we would give into every whim of these parents, even if what they are asking for is not in the best interest of their child. More is not always better-and people, just because you want 60 hours a week of therapy for your child doesn't mean it will happen. Perhaps what you are looking for is a way to feel better about the circumstances you are in. Save the child from the mass quantities of therapy and get a counselor yourself. It will be better for both you and your child.
Again, I feel for the parents who are doing the best they can--who don't care to spend every waking moment fighting this-their child, their children's team, their programs. They recognize that there is balance in everything, but I imagine they could also feel bad that they aren't like those who are a bit more "passionate" about their cause.

4. Inclusion at any costs sucks-really really sucks. There are some parents who feel their child should be included with typical peers, even when it means they will miss out on more intensive therapies and work in a more specialized setting. For instance--this child doesn't have autism, but another disability. The child will be going into 4th grade this month, and is very limited. The parents have fought and fought for this child to be included in a regular classroom, and so they're are educated besides typically developing peers with an aide--who is constantly changing no doubt due to the intensity of this child and how difficult it must be. They also are quite behavioral and often require interventions to keep them on tasks that are distracting to the other children and not pleasant for them either. I would also venture to say that most times any kind of demand is placed on them, there is a behavioral outburst. This is not fair to the child-or the other children. I get that these parents feel this child SHOULD be included with their peers, but I wonder often how much further along the child would be had they had the opportunity for more intense attention to their needs. Transition planning starts at 14 in PA, which means that the focus of school turns to vocational training if a child is not really keeping up educationally. I just find it sad to think of what could have been if the parents even tried seeing how the child would have done in a more specialized setting. Would they be able to talk and communicate more? Would they be less frustrated by the demands that clearly cannot be managed in this setting? Would the child welcome the opportunity to slow down a bit and be with others like them? I don't know the answers--and clearly it is very easy for me to say all this from my post-not having a child in this situation. I have another family I know--they have a very healthy outlook on it all-- it seems, I guess I could be wrong also, but we have had very candid conversations about this. They recognize that it is what is in their child's best interest that is best. They are able to look at the needs from a variety of angles and make decisions that honor who that child is-right then and there--not who they wish that child was or could be ten years from now. But what will be in their best interest right now. It is refreshing, and I know not easy for them to deal with the pressures put on them from others who believe in inclusion at any cost. I say be included in other areas--church, community, libraries, parks. Give these kids a chance. Maybe for some that means inclusion in typical classrooms, maybe for some it is a more specialized setting. I don't have the answers, I just with we'd all get back to the core--the whole child.

I think that is it. Sorry that ended up being somewhat of a rant, but it is hard to watch sometimes. All these parents and professionals who have the power to move mountains, but because they can't agree on how to do, when to do it, and how often to do it--they end up spending so much energy on that, and forgetting what is most important. The child, and allowing that child to be a child-first and foremost.

I wish I had the magic wand to make this all better for these folks. But I don't. In the meantime, I will keep an open ear, and try and help them come to know what is right for their child, their family, and their hearts.

Things found in the garden

When we first started with the garden, I was a bit obsessive about weeding it. Now that the tomatoes are towering over my head, I can't get in there as much as I can. The other day we finally spotted some red tomatoes, and so I plowed through.

I was in there and started to pull some weeds. Now I can't stop at just one or two, and I end up going crazy. There I am, weeding along, and then I saw this large thing in the corner of the garden. I immediately jumped and felt my heart thumping wondering what kind of critter was in the garden with me. I went around the fence to see, and lo and behold I see a ginormous pumpkin the size of a small elephant.

How the heck did I miss this ginormous thing growing in the garden. I called DP and reported that there was a pumpkin growing in the garden that was as big as my ass. I don't think she believed me until she herself spotted the thing and saw just how big it was.

So focused on the weeds that I miss this. Sheesh.

Overheard at my parents house

**Background-my mother has charcots disease-which means that she has over the years gotten really funky, misshapen feet that she has no feeling in due to the neuropathy from diabetes. She has had an infection for the last year or so in her foot, and about three months ago they had to go in and drain in. The wound hasn't healed, and in an effort to help it, they agreed to put pig skin on it. Too weird for me, but ok. She has been waiting and today this is the conversation that was had. I will do my best to recreate it**

Beans- So what's happening with mom's foot?

Dad-The doctor is still waiting to hear-apparently it costs a lot of money, so they need to be sure it is really needed and such.

B-they're still using the skin, right?

D-yes.

B-huh, wonder what's taking them so long

D- we'll they're now going to use foreskin-since they said that would be better

DP-WOW, foreskin, huh. Wonder how that works.

D-she only needs to cover a small amount

B-i wonder why it is taking so long to get that from a pig

DP-so it's possible that she could have black skin on her foot?

D-I guess so.

B-I didn't know there were black pigs, much less black foreskin. I wonder how they get the foreskin off of a pig

DP-beans, they aren't talking about pigs anymore . . .

B-What? OH, OHHH, EWE . . . .

Then everyone thought it was really funny that I was still wondering how they got foreskins from pigs, when in fact they weren't talking about pigs anymore. I was a little slow on the uptake.

Guess you had to be there. It was really very . . .very funny. In re-reading this to DP to assure the accurateness of the re-creation, she has reacted with uproarious laughter again. Glad I could provide some laughs all around.

Autism, Autism, Autism

We are off tomorrow to the week long autism conference at Penn State. I went a few years ago as a presenter, but this year we are both just attending. Of course DP didn't register in time-like I clearly prompted her a million times to do--so hopefully she doesn't get stuck listening to something crappy all week. I thought it was a secret ploy to not have to leave the room and have her nose in a book all week, but she vehemently denies this!

Things have been ok. Addie is doing well, and seems to be adjusting well to a new food-simply duck and rice. Supposed to be good for dogs with IBD-which is what she probably has. We are so ready to meet Riley, and found out yesterday he weighs in at a hefty 15lbs. He is just 9 weeks old!

I am hanging in there-ready for a therapy break for a few weeks. I will see her once while we are back, and then not for a few weeks.

I had lunch today with the woman that I served with at Kid's Camp, and she was very cool with the whole gay thing. It was a very fun lunch! I am thankful that I pursued meeting with her despite my anxiety about how she would react.

Posting could be sparse over the next few weeks as we are away this week, come back for a few days, and then are off to Wisconsin for two weeks.

I have another post, but I will save it for tomorrow. Hope all is well in your corners!

I don't want to work . . .

. . . I wanna bang on the drum all day!

Things this week have been kinda hectic. Mostly because I have no focus and am SO ready for a vacation. We leave next Saturday for a conference for a week, then we come back for about 4 days and we're off to WI. We didn't get to go on vacation last year, and now I am ready.

I have been working on becoming a respite provider, and today I will start with a family. I actually know this child from the private work I did in grad school, but it is the first official time I will be doing this with her. She is good, and should be a fun time.

I got the thanks but no thanks letter from the big university I interviewed with. I am really ok with it, since it would have been a huge decision of what to do on a lot of levels if they had actually offered me the job. I did interview at a school for children with cerebral palsy, and that interview went really well. For the first time in a while, when I saw those kids I got really excited. Like those are the kinds of kids and place that I would like to be. There are some issues that would need to be addressed if they offered me that position--pay, the fact that they want someone part time for a little while then move to full time, etc. They were super nice folks, and I look forward to being called back for a second interview.

Therapy continues to go well-as well as getting a mental ass kicking can go. But I think it has been good. I am looking forward to a break, while trying not to shut down with one more week to go.

Well, I am off to walk to dog and get ready for my day. Hope all is well in your corners!

Addie's Corner- The lost Episode!

I was so traumatized I forgot that I had this post waiting. This was the pictures from the pool. I can't even talk about it . . .

Kid's Camp-Big Top

Hello All-

I have been very busy . . .playing with my princess computer and trying to figure out how to network the printer, wondering what's wrong with Addie now (one of her in-between toe areas is swollen), hearing about Riley and his trip to grandma and grandpa's house where he will live until we pick him up, and volunteering at our church's kids camp. This year it was a circus theme, and they went all out and made everything look like a circus-including a big inflatable elephant on top of the building.

They had over 900 kids this year, and for the first time I was able to work all three days. I had a group of 4th graders, and it was a lot of fun-and the kids seemed to really be into the message and asked great questions about god. The camp is very active-in and out of a variety of different game stations, inflatables, inside for message and singing, back outside for crafts and other fun activities. It was a neat experience. I even met a few other people in my church--which is rather large.

The lead teacher of our group suggested that I would be good at leading a group of kids, and after she said it a few times, I said "I can't". I didn't tell her why-that since I am gay I am not allowed to do that. Mostly since I was afraid she would think less of me . . .I know the church rules and I understand them, it is just hard sometimes. I told her I would talk to her more about it over coffee one day and she said she would like that. We'll see . . .

Overall it was a great experience, but I am TIRED!! I am baby sitting tonight, and I worked this morning, and then mowed the lawn in the 95 degree heat and immediately jumped in the neighbors pool.

I need a nap!

******************************************************

Addendum based on comments-->

Here's the deal-according to their policies--they do not allow folks to teach if they are in any kind of relationship/situation that is not in accordance to the bible teachings. For instance, if a man was living with a woman prior to marriage they would not be able to be a lead teacher. If they knew someone was in an active addition or whatever, they wouldn't be allowed to lead in a ministry position. So the same rules apply to me, I guess. I am not living in a way that is according to the bible, and therefore I cannot be a lead teacher of any kind, or head up any kind of ministry. I can be an assistant--which I do in various children's areas. This was talked about before the whole Brian sermon thing. I knew this before I invested myself in this church.

But see, I get that. And most of the time I am fine with that. Just at times when I am psyched up, and I know I have awesome gifts, and I want to use them--I just feel kinda slighted. They are not being unfair to just me--these were the ground rules coming in.

I know it sounds bad in the scheme of acceptance and toleration. But this church has been great for me, and they have supported me. Short of coming out and hanging a rainbow flag, they are there for me. My spirituality is very important to me, and having this place that I can go to and experience and foster this is an integral part of my life. This church has been so very good for me on many levels. I have been to other gay affirming churches that have done nothing for me. I guess there is compromise in everything.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything to who? To them about being gay? This was my choice when I started to really like the church. I had been kicked out of another church when I was younger for being gay, and I wanted the option to walk away of it was going to be a huge issue. I knew if I had been kicked out of another church, I would walk away forever. There is no bouncing back from that twice. That is why Brian's sermon recently through me for such a tailspin.

Not being able to teach is not a huge issue-just sometimes when I think about it too much . . .

I don't want to sound like I am bashing the church, because I am not. . .

I hope one day everyone will see that my sexuality is not something I have chosen, and that God has made me this way. I can either embrace that, or keep running. Quite frankly, my feet are tired of running. Unless God has other plans, for now I am who I am.

The princess inside

I have a secret that I have been hiding from all of you. The secret is . . . .

I have a little princess inside that is dying to get out. I first discovered this a few months ago when I was looking for a new sleepy time outfit. I usually like the shelf bra type of shirts or night shirts, but I was having a hard time finding one of those that would suffice. I settled for looking at TJ MAXX.

What I found there was a purple (which is my favorite color) nighty-sleepy-thing, that happened to have ever so slight little things on the bottom-I don't even know what they are called. They have layers-kind of, like two layers of little swishy fabric. Well, they have become known as my princess pajamas.

No, they don't have barbies or princesses on them--but if I twirl fast enough (which is hard to do at my age and stature, since any kind of twirling makes me want to hurl) you can see the little flowy part on the bottom flail out and it is very fun.

With that said, I was recently taxed with the burden of looking for a new laptop to replace mine that was dying-and in fact just turned itself off periodically--which was more often these days. We went to Best Buy to by father in law's birthday present, and lo and behold I see a laptop that catches my eye. Why would any old laptop catch my eye??

Well, this one happens to be a lovely cosmopolitan pink color!! It is not hot pink or really girly pink, but a nice metallic pink. We went home and thought about life with a pink computer would do to my reputation, and in the end I though it sounded great! We drove to Delaware the next day for some tax free shopping, and I am the proud new owner of the following cosmopolitan pink laptop.

I really like it so far. What I love most right now is the very similar feel it has to the ibook. I had one of those at my last job and I liked the feel and look of the newer keypads. It also has a slot right on it for an SD card, which means I can blog more often with pictures since I am not reliant on DP's computer for the camera hook up. I like the Vista so far as well, though I am sure I will find some things that are not good, for now I am thoroughly enjoying my princess computer.

Now won't it be a fun princess-y day when I work on my princess computer in my princess pj's???

Stick a fork in me, I am done!!

Addie's Corner Episode 4

Well, it seems as if I have a fan club. How cool am I??

Well, things around here have been exciting. The new routine of the moms getting up early hadn't worked out quite as planned, but we are back on track this morning. I forgot how to walk nicely with my leash and the moms got tough with me. Even my cute face didn't work. They say I am getting smarter with my training.

Guess what?? Last week at school we had to do an obstacle course and do commands--and the best part was the moms couldn't use any words. My mom put her hand up for us to go first--(which by the way was huge since she never volunteers for anything!! Go MOM!) We went up to the first obstacle and I did great for the whole thing. In fact, I think I did the best of all the dogs. I was so happy. I even got to go to the center of the circle and show off a bit. The moms were so happy they called grandpa right away and told them. See, I really am smart!!!

What else--OHHHH, big news on the little brother front. He gets to come home to grandpa's house a week earlier since he is doing so good and getting big and strong. You can read more about him here. The moms have officially chosen the red puppy, who will be named Riley. I think I am finally excited about this and can't wait to have someone to play with me ALL the time. I have so many things planned like frisbee, walking, running, chewing up stuff, er, I mean teaching him to not chew on stuff, playing with Casey . . . .

I have also been doing something sneaky which we don't want to tell moms about--but I have secretly been eating the pea plants that stick up over the fence. Yup, they are really good!!! SHHH, don't tell anyone, ok?


These flowers are so pretty that I thought I would pose by them. Check me out!!

WOOF!

One more thing . . .

We finally got our cable, and after a slight snafu, we have been blissfully provided with hours of entertainment courtesy of Comcast. I can now watch many episodes of random things on HBO, Showtime, the Green Channel--all on demand. I watched a few episodes of In Treatment the other day and am completely hooked.

It is amazing!!

I still think the Tivo was easier to work than the On demand, but I guess I will get used to. Now we don't have to spend money renting Big Love and the L word anymore.

Oh, the little things that bring joy to our lives.

Freaky Friday

Ok, so there's nothing really freaky about today, I just needed a title, and the creative juices are quite limited these days.

I have been around. Work was busy this week, as I had 4 new referrals and a bunch of meetings. I still haven't heard from the job I interviewed at, but that is ok. The more I think about it, the more I feel it wouldn't really be a good match--though it would be great place to work for, I think they want things I don't feel comfortable delivering-like research and things I don't have any clue about. I think I know I want to at least finish pursuing my clinical license which I wouldn't be able to do there. I am staying put until something better comes around. I still have two irons in the fire as possibilities, but I am just laying low.

I have been looking into being a respite care provider for special needs kids, and I have been going through the process to to this. Last night we had our home study, which while very informal, was a little daunting. At the end, we wondered how many people would allow their kids to come stay in a lesbian household. It will be interesting to see how that all pans out.

Therapy is still going very well, but hard. I am looking forward to a break when we go away in August. Enough said about that for now. I start the group for women with PCOS tomorrow and I am looking forward to that.

Meanwhile, DP and I found a very peculiar bug on our tomatoes today, and it looked something like this. Now, I implore you to google "horn worm" and look at the disgusting pictures that come up. Just looking for this picture was enough to make me want to vomit--especially the ones that have wasp larvae on them. GAG me now. I suppose at some point we will need to go out and search for more since they seem to be eating at our tomatoes. Filthy bastards . . .


On another note, we have these beautiful flowers growing in our backyard. I shall leave you with this image--one much more pleasing to the eye . . .

Addie's Corner-Episode 3

It is rainy over here in our parts, and that make playing outside even more fun. I get all muddy and stuff, and when I come in they dry me off with a big ol' towel. Moms moved the big thing with the TV in it today--something to do with getting cable . . .and I found a ball that I took outside with me. It was great fun. Mom ran over one of my other balls with the big loud lawnmower. Silly mommy.

Yesterday we tried to go on a walk twice, but it poured both times. The later one I was most excited about cause we were going to the big park and there are lots of yummy smells there, and even some dogs. But when we got there it rained rained rained on our heads.

Today I got something very special for a treat. The moms made these round fluffy things for breakfast and I got to have some. It was so yummy in my tummy, and I was even gentle about taking it from them. Sometimes I get very excited and I forget that I can't also eat their fingers!

There are some new pictures of my little brother that you should all look at--not that I am in any way shape or form agreeing to this business of a new puppy brother, but I might as well show you all how cute he is. Moms are looking at red collared boy, with blue collar being a second choice for now. I kinda can't wait to have someone I can play with. The cat hasn't been much fun to play with.

I should go. The front door is open, so I can look at all the cars going by and wait for the cable guy.




WOOF!

Therapy

I am on a blog roll today. I had actually wrote a few up last week and then forgot to post them. Silly beans.

I wanted to talk a little bit about what has been happening with therapy. Things have been very intense, but not in a way that I'd experienced them in the past. I really feel like shrinky-dink and I are making important headway on some big issues. As a result, last week, this week, and maybe the next few weeks I will go twice a week. This has been good, but I am mentally exhausted.

Some of the things that we have been tackling is the idea around forgiving myself for things that I have done, and recognizing what role, if any, I had in the things that have happened in my past. For the first time I am being truly candid about how I feel about things, and this has enriched the work that we are doing in major ways. Typically I spend so much energy filtering what I am saying for fear of being judged. Right now the thoughts, the words, the feelings, the experiences are flowing and we are going with it.

It is nice to work intensely and not have it necessarily be because I am in crisis. I am so thankful everyday for the medical coverage I have that allows me to see this wonderful woman, and to know that we are doing good work.

I will be starting to attend a group next week for women who have PCOS and eating issues. I will be very interested to see how that works for me. It is run by a nutritionist that I used to see, and another psychologist. The reason I am excited about this group, is many of the groups for PCOS have been centered around fertility issues, which is not necessarily my beef with the disorder. I just want to deal the weight issues associated with it, and learn how to manage the food/feeling connection a little better. I am very bitter about the fact that every time I put a carb in my mouth, I might as well tack a few pounds onto some part of my body. Clearly I still have some issues to iron out here.

Caroline over in her blog wrote so eloquently about some things that mirror the struggles I have. Check it out. I struggle a lot still to really be able to see what others see in me. For instance, I received a glowing recommendation letter last week from the head of the child development department at a local hospital (she and I work together). Well, I am reading this letter and I am like who in the heck is she talking about . . .clearly not me. To quote Caroline in her blog . . . "If you were to look at my insides I am sure they would be all black and blue from all the horrible things I say and do to myself." I wish I could see what others see. I am not sure where the blockage it, but it is imperative that I get to the root of it, cause it is killing me inside.

Comments

Ok, so I am noticing that people do different things with comments-and responding to comments. I typically haven't responded to comments, but I thought I might try it and see what happens.

Be sure to check back and maybe I will have had talked back to ya!!

Addie's Corner-Episode 2

Howdy there!

The past few week's excitement included a trip to a pool. Now I don't know who in their right mind thought that it would be a good idea to have dogs swim, but it sure as heck wasn't me. Mom's took me to a pool, and they dragged me in. See, they say they love me, and want what's best for me, but really they are out to get me. It wasn't fun--nope, not one bit of it. I was sure to let them know about my displeasure with sad puppy eyes all afternoon.

They say they won't take me back to that pool since the pool was disgusting, but that I will eventually have to swim again. Something about it being good for my hips.
We'll see about that . . .

My tummy had hurt last week and I threw up a few times. I am not sure why, but mom was nice and she cleaned my bed up for me and gave me lots of love. Mom "forgot" to feed me before her big meeting--which she looked really pretty for!!! When she came home, I got to have a snack of kibble and applesauce. It was yummy. I am feeling much better now.

We have all started a new routine. I finally convinced moms that they should get up with me really early in the morning to take me for a walk. Now I don't have to whine so much since they get right up and we go in the car and find a place to walk. Today they even jogged a little round and round and round they went. It was very funny to chase after their bottoms.

I helped them install an air conditioner today in the office. This means that we can blog some more since it won't be what mom calls an "oven" in the office anymore. I licked their legs and made them giggle when they were holding the big heavy box. Hehe

Well, I am off to chase the cat. She and I played a bit this morning before she got her claws out. Silly cat.

WOOF!

Garden Update

The garden is in full bloom, and we should have enough tomatoes soon to cover everyone in the country as they recover from the salmonella outbreak. Seriously, we have a ton of tomatoes started. Take a look at the pictures and enjoy! I can't wait until we are feasting on something other than peas--though they are mighty fine peas if I must say so myself!! I didn't take more pictures of the peas, since I already had some out and not much has changed except we have lots more now. I picked about 20 of them yesterday!!

Tomatoes galore!!!

Our lone pepper--though I have seen a few babies popping out!

Green beans!!!

And finally, the pumpkin. We had to reduce down to one pumpkin plant, and this little guy seems to be doing good-and isn't taking over the garden.

Interview

I had my interview this morning . . .I think it went well. It is for a position managing a HUGE research project taking place in the large city nearby. It sounds like a crazy intense job with lots of fast paced tasks and projects, but I found myself really excited by the things they were describing.

First let me digress. When it is time to go Christmas shopping, and I have to go to the very large mall nearby, I go with the premise that if God wants me to be shopping that day, he will provide an adequate parking arrangement. If I get there and the parking sucks, I take it as a sign that I am not supposed to be there. What in the HECK does Christmas shopping and parking have to do with today? Well, I got to the building in the big city, and you would not believe it, but there was a parking space RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING!! How is that for knowing you are supposed to be someplace . . .I didn't get sweaty, and even found a bathroom to use before going up. We were already off to a swell start!!!

Ok, then I get there and I guess he had on his calendar that I was supposed to be meeting with him next Friday . . um, that's a holiday. He makes time to see me, though he send me with another research coordinator to talk for a bit before he can free me up to meet. She is very nice, and if I got the job, I would share an office with her. The job entails managing all aspects of this large project. I would deal with IRB stuff, families, schools, etc. All looking at services to children with autism. It sounds like a very high level job, and I am flattered that he contacted me about it. It would surely be a step up, and also a step in a new direction for me.

I have been working toward my clinical social work license, and it was made evident that there really wouldn't be the opportunity to do clinical work in this position, and in fact could damage the integrity of the project if I get too clinically involved. If offered the position, I would need to decide if abandoning clinical licensure right now is feasible as there are time lines that you have to have hours done by, and I already have about 1/3 of the hours needed. I need to do more research on how long I have to finish the mandated hours.

In any case, I felt they were very engaging, and they appeared to like what I have to say. They asked about my managerial style-as I would be supervising research assistants. Overall, it was good interview. The only sticking point was they want someone who can start right away--or they said if they found the right person they would maybe wait until August.

I have a vacation planned in August and besides probably having to take it with no pay, it sounds like it would be very bad timing. Though DP told me that if they wanted me bad enough, they would make it work. Even though I haven't been offered a job yet, I anticipate that leaving my current job will be challenging, especially if on shorter notice than I would like. Someone told me it has been a long time since someone left their job there. Some people have tried to resign, and they pulled strings to keep them there. We will see.

I guess that's all. I wanted to let all of you know that I had a helper today with this post. She was making sure I maintained the integrity of my post . . .take a look. Happy Friday!!

Wish me luck

I have my job interview tomorrow at the big university. I am excited, and nervous, and elated all at the same time. I so want to find a job that makes me feel like I am . . .um, I don't know. I want to feel good about what I do. I don't need 100%, but even 80% would be fantastic.

It is supposed to be 90 degrees tomorrow, so I am NOT looking forward to wearing pants, but it is at 9:30am, so hopefully it won't be too hot then.

I have more to post about, and a garden update, but it is late and I want to read some of the research articles by the guy I am meeting with.

Until then-sweet dreams friends.

Addie's Corner

Well, since my post was such a hit, mom thought I could be a guest blogger--especially since she can't get it together enough to post regularly ;)

Since we last talked, I have been doing some great things. I am finally used to that thing they keep putting on my head to walk. Sometimes I even get treats when I wear it. How cool is that?

I am going to school now, and yesterday was my second time. I am not so sure how I feel about it all yet, but I really pay attention and listen to the teacher. Seems I sit funny, and the mom's were talking about it in class. I was a little embarrassed, but it wasn't that bad since there's this guy in the class who needs some serious detention. He is a bad egg, and I bet he's gonna get held back. Not me, nope, I am a smarty pants.

I am getting much better at waiting for my food. The moms make me wait soooooo long when they put the food down. If I even get up they stop making my food, or take my food away if I haven't waited patiently enough and move before they tell me. But when I sit nice and wait, they say GO and then I get to eat my yummy food. I love food so very much. I could eat it all day, but then I would imagine I wouldn't be nearly as cute as I am now. I would be a pup on her way to Richard Simmon's doorstep.

Oh well. A little earlier I was playing with my Frisbee outside. I have also found that eating the stumps outside are really fun, though it drives mom up a wall. She put ricks all around it today to make it more challenging for me. She must have forgotten I was a smarty pants cause I already moved one of the rocks. Give me time and the stump will be mine again!

I saw a doctor yesterday who made me do all sorts of horrible things like lay there while she checked my legs and hips. OUCH I say. That was all completely unnecessary. When we were done I gave them all the evil eye. They say even though my hip is bad, that I will be ok for now. WHOO HOO!

Let's see-what else. . .I am going to see Grammy this weekend. That should be fun. I hope they aren't still mad at me from when I had runny bottom. It wasn't my fault, and my poops are perfect now! I may also have to go to a Pet Hotel for the night on Friday since mom's will be going away for the day. I am not sure I like the idea, but that is where they have the fun daycare. It could be ok.

I guess that's it. I need to protect my toys from that girl that's visiting me tonight. She keeps bouncing my balls and toys. She needs a good lick in the pants!

WOOF!

How Sweet It Was!!

Helllooo!! I am incredibly stoked to tell you all about what a day I had yesterday. Our friend RHB, after hearing I was going to see James Taylor in Philly, also wanted to go see him and asked if we would want to go to Atlantic City to see him. "OF COURSE!!" I probably shouted. Yesterday was the day.

We drove to AC in the late morning, and we started off gambling a little bit at Bally's. RHB hadn't ever gambled before, and we all had our $20 gambling money and we were having at it. I had decided that I would use $20 of my own allowance money to increase the gambling money I had . . .though it turned out that I didn't need it becasue I hit it BIG!!! I haven't ever won at the casinos--(not that I got often)-maybe once a year, but still!! Check out my earnings-->

Then we headed to the boardwalk where we enjoyed pizza, funnel cake, ice cream, and sticky, icky hazy weather. It was awesome. Then we headed back in to the casino to leave to go to the Borgata where the concert was being held, and where we would eat dinner.

We ate at the Metropolitan in the Casino and it was yummy. Check out the lights that they have in the casino--very cool glass blown lights that didn't photo well, but still were very nifty.

Then we were charged with the task of trying to see if they would let us all sit together at the concert. We had a ticket for RHB and companion--(RHB is in a wheelchair in case I never brought that up). But the third seat was away from the other two, and typically this happens, and we can sometimes get them to allow us to sit together. After all, what fun is it to have to sit by yourself?? We waited a little while before they could agree to this, and we found that we were all going to be able to sit together in the SECOND ROW!! When we sat down the smile came across my face and I don't think it left until I fell asleep.

We were so close!!!! See the pictures below. Now, I have to say something about the contraband photos. When we went to see him in Philly, I followed the rules of the venue to the T--all food in clear containers, only water, no cameras. When we got there, I quickly realized that the rules apparently didn't apply to most folks. This time I was prepared to break the rules and had my cell phone camera and a real camera. Look what I took-->

And then-->this is the best part. I knew from the Philly show that he typically comes out before the second set and signs autographs. I saw folks gathering up front, and I didn't want to go at first because god forbid someone saw me and I drew attention to myself. Then I rationed, when would I ever be this close to James Taylor again???? I took my ticket and went and stood up front. About ten minutes later, from the side of the stage I saw him appear. He came over, knelt down and started signing. He signed for a little boy--who very appropriately said "Thanks Mr. Taylor". It was very cute. Then it was my turn. He took my ticket, signed, and then looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Here you go-enjoy" He had the most crystal clear blue eyes I think I have ever seen--it was amazing. I couldn't get back to my seat after that as I was being squished by many many people trying to get close. One woman-who in an odd turn of events we find works out at the same gym that RHB does-asked him if she could touch him. He put out his hand and shook hers. Check out this picture!!

I got back to my seat and I was just shaking! I couldn't believe I had been that close to him-and more importantly had the bravery to do it. I have missed out on a lot in life because I didn't have the guts to do things, and I am so glad I didn't pass this up. Though-I hope I don't get in trouble for posting contraband photos of JT on my blog.

If I haven't said this, it was absolutely amazing!! The concert was great and I would totally recommend going to see it for anyone who is a fan. My face hurt from smiling all evening. It has been a long time since I felt that free and full of joy. Thanks JT (and RHB)! It was a late evening, and I am tired today, but I couldn't wait to share this with all of you!

Addie's Lament

I have something to say, and I don't mean WOOF. There is some serious business going on around here that I am highly disapproving of, and I am about to tell you all about it.

First, do you see that black bowl behind me up there? Well, the people have started to put my food in this so I can no longer gobble up my food in two milliseconds. This is not fair, I say! A fine woofy of my kind should be able to eat however I want.

Secondly, you can't see it right now, but they have been putting this black collar thing around my neck, and USING it. What are they using it for, you might ask?? Well, when I am out and about walking, and I have this collar thing on, they pull and pull and pull and pull at me to stay right by their side. This is a highly unreasonable expectation for such a curious hound as myself. How on earth am I supposed to sniff out a good snack of dog poo if I can't even leave their sides?? OH, and they have even tried to use this torture device on my in my own backyard? WTF?? Can't a woofy even run around in her own backyard without having to be so "obedient"? Periodically they make me sit, and also lay down. Sit, stand, lay down, what do they want. I don't think they have any idea, so they are taking it out on me.

Thirdly, they have been talking about this boy named Riley. I don't know much about the fellow, but I sense that I am not going to like him! Some things in the house are for Riley, and not me. Everything in this house is for me, including the magazines I have started to chew up, the shoes I like to move around, and the cat that I think is mighty tasty. I don't know about this

What is this world coming to? First a crazy food bowl, then a torturous collar, and talk of some Riley thing . . .This is all too much for me. I must go ponder the meaning of life somewhere.

Thanks for listening! WOOF

How does your garden grow--Part II

Hellllllooooooo out there!! Well, today is a sunny 90 degrees in the mystery city I live in, and though it is hot, it is not humid which makes all the difference in the world. Things have been very slow work wise this week . . I did finalize and submit my application today for the job at the local university I was contacted about. It is weird to do applications online . . .don't know if anyone else thinks that's just strange. Oh well.

I wanted to give a garden update, since there is SO much going on. We have a real garden, a real live garden. I can't wait until we actually produce something edible, but until then, let me show you inside.

This is the before shot of the garden . . .

This is where we are now--though from the opposite end. At the bottom of the photo you can see that we have two massive pumpkin plants growing-thanks to our woofy friend. The one has a branch--is that what they are called?-growing past the two rows of tomato cages. I don't want to cut it, but I don't know when it will stop growing. The other day it grew like 5 inches in a day! Soon it will be out to the road! So in front of the pumpkins we have tomatoes, then peppers, then beans, and you can see the peas growing around the perimeter of the fence. Oh, and guess what??We have cucumbers!! I had to replant them since by memorial day we hadn't seen anything happening, and this time I made two mounds with three seeds each and look what I saw the other day!!! How cool is that???

Not related to the garden, but we got a new back door and storm door yesterday as well. The old one had a frame that had been pieced together and just looked bad. The door and screen both had significant gaps in the bottom and we just needed a new one. Thanks to our economic stimulus checks, we were encouraged to buy a door and have the doorway fixed as well. Very cool!!

Until next time. I think my woofy friend has something to say . . .

What I have been up to!

Well folks--I thought I should get around to writing since my readership is soaring, and there's no better time that in the sweltering heat of the day. Temperatures here today have topped out so far at 99 degrees, and that's just way too damn hot for me. I am just saying. I not one of those folks who waits all winter for warmer weather--I hate sweating and feeling sticky and yucky. I don't let anyone near me unless I am not sweaty and sticky, and that makes for a lot of time apart from those that I love in the heat.

In any case, I have some things to share from the archives of my brain. I am not feeling well today--could be a multitude of things--got my period (third month in a row--what the heck is up with that??), I am tired, it is hot, I am bored with my job, I don't know what to talk about in therapy today . . .see, any number of things. I came home early from work today and corralled all the critters in the bedroom for an air conditioned nap. It went well, though I can't say I feel better. I could also legitimately in fact have something wrong. Who knows.

OK, on to better things. I will, in true beanie fashion give you a bulleted update on my life over the last few weeks. Sit back, relax, keep all hands inside the vehicle . . .

Now, in no particular order . . .

1. We went kayaking yesterday which was so absolutely fun. I must have reiterated how much I loved kayaking about a million times throughout the day. Even after I fell out of the boat... I love kayaking. Yes, it's true. I fell out. I was trying to avoid an oncoming tree limb, and I thought rather than back paddle, I would just duck . . .well, that's easier thought than executed, see when you duck in a kayak you off center yourself and the next thing you know your loved ones are laughing at you, and more worried about the location of the water bottle I was carrying. In all seriousness, I was a lot calmer about the situation that one would have thought given my flare for the dramatic. A nice man came and helped get me back in--since said loved ones just looked at me from afar snickering ;)

2. SIL was visiting this weekend--well, she was herefor work and we were volunteering for the event, Quash-->Check it out. It was like a city wide scavenger hunt type thing. It was good fun, for a good organization. Heck, the rate my father is going I will need the services of the organization soon.

3. My sweet, dearest little friend K. and her sister were in their aunt's wedding last weekend and DP and I went to help out. They both just looked so precious, and I just love being around them-and their family. I am glad we could help out and make the day at least a little bit less stressful for all. K, by the way, is kicking that leukemia right out of her, and doing great. Some rocky times at points, but all in all she is holding her own and has managed to stay out of the hospital for a while now. Keep the prayers and thoughts going her way. Oh, and mom and dad might need some thoughts as they recently adopted two kittens for the girls.

4. Work has been work. Nothing terribly exciting. I have decided to start poking my head around to some other potential job opportunities. I was actually contacted by the director of a program at a major local university asking if I would be interested in applying for a senior research position. Not exactly what I was looking for, but has parts that are appealing. It is a grant funded position, but they have guaranteed funding for 4 years, and he told me that he has a great track record of getting funding. I have also sent my resume to the local children's hospital for consideration in their newly opened research center for autism. I am hoping they have something that will be more clinical than research, but I am open to something new. The idea of being able to take a train to work is really good right now. Took me $45 to fill up my Saturn today . . .too much.

5. We have started to go to obedience school with Addie. She had one session and I don't think she particularly likes the new schooling opportunity. We worked with her one night last week and she got herself all worked up that she threw up. We hope tomorrow will go well, though it is going to be hot as all get out again and the training takes place in this opened warehouse/garage thing. Luckily it is DP's turn to work with her. The class is 8 weeks and we will trade off each week on who actually handles her, and the other will watch.

6. We love our neighbors. They are just so nice and we couldn't ask for better ones--did I also mention that they have a pool? Yes, they do and they are very open to us using it whenever we want. I have to say though, their daughter came over Sunday and we had grand plans to use the pool, and she had to go be all up in it. The nerve. So we didn't go in. We did buy a wading pool for Addie--she seemed to like it-though we had to "help" her like it.

7. I saw James Taylor last weekend and it was fabulous. I went with one of my bestest friends, and we had a good time. She thought we had lawn seats, and we got there super early and scoped out a great seat. So then I am looking at the tickets again, and it turns out that we had actual seats and didn't know it. It was good fun. And guess what??? I am going again this weekend to see him at the Borgota in Atlantic City with our friend RHB . . .those seats are in the second row--SECOND ROW!!???!! I think I might pee myself being that close. The venue itself isn't that big-so I am very excited.

8. Weight loss update-->there is no weight loss. There was some gainage over the holiday weekend, but I am back to where I was before-which is still the lowest I have been. I have been trying to do better, but it just seems that I can never get it right. I will be starting to go to a PCOS support/therapy group starting in July which is run by a nutritionist that I used to see, and some therapist lady. It will be good I think to talk with others who have having food and PCOS issues.

9. I have a boy that is in love with me . . .he is 4 years old. He just loves me very very much, and asks for me a lot--so much so that he drives his mother crazy. He looks at me with googley eyes, and asks when I am going to come back. He is so stinking cute. His little sister is very advanced for her age. It is fun to be around typical kids sometimes--reminds me that not all kids are autistic and so needy.

Um, I guess that's is for right now. I hope all is well in your corners!!

Love this song . . .thought I would share!

Weekend to remember

Memorial Day weekend was great. We had a slight change in plans, which was a bummer, but it ended up working out. Turns out DP's cousin found out two weeks ago that he wasn't going to graduate, and he overdosed and tried to kill himself last Wednesday. Needless to say there was no graduation, and we scrambled to figure out what was going to happen since he was in a hospital about 2 hours from the place we were to be staying at--and we were determined to go away.

We rearranged our plans and ended up staying in Sawyer, Michigan near Warren Dunes State Park. Here are some photos from the park . . .

Her parents were already staying there Thursday night before heading to the other location, so they extended their stay and we drove over there. It was about an 11 hour drive both ways for us, for about 1.25 days with her family. Saturday we ended up meeting up with the other cousins and family at their hotel and hanging out. It was good that most everyone could still see each other and support each other. The young lad is doing ok, and it seemed he might be released today to the care of professionals closer to home.

While there, we went on a dune ride which was so totally cool. The driver was fabulous, and had been doing this for like 24 years. You could tell he loved what he did and enjoyed the people. Here are some photos from our ride . . .

This picture was from inside the park as well, and you can see this is a huge tree that a dune has covered up. It was amazing to see, since you thought you were looking at small trees in the sand--until he told you it was a large tree that a dune had encased.

Addie stayed with my parents, and she was sick as a dog. Her intestinal system was all out of whack, and she had runny bottom, and accidents in the house. Good thing my folks love animals, or I think should would have been out on the porch. She still isn't right and has started to vomit as well. We have decided that we will just put her back on the food that she did well with, and abandon the idea that she can eat the raw food kibble. I guess her tummy just can't handle it. The vomiting is new though, and we aren't quite sure what that is about. She has an appointment with the vet on Saturday, and we got the other food today. I just want her to be well. She is such an awesome dog, and it sucks that she has had it so rough.

I think I may have mentioned also that we had a birds nest with three eggs in it. Well, the eggs have hatched, and we saw one baby and wondered what happened to the others. We looked around and didn't see anything. Upon closer inspection today I saw one of the babies dangling from the rose bush--this is where mama has nested. I am not sure what to do about dangling baby bird (which is dead), since I don't want to get that close to the nest, but now that I see it there, I keep thinking of the poor thing. The one that we see that is alive is strangely cute, but that still leaves one missing baby. Mama is very attentive to the nest. Any ideas on what to do with the baby that didn't make it??

***UPDATE*** The neighbor has reported that he sorta kinda ran over a deadish baby bird with the lawn mower tonight. He saw it too late, but it was dead, and now it is recycled back to the earth . . .I guess. He said he noticed yesterday that there were large black birds circling around and squawking. He wondered if they hadn't raided the nest. On a happier note, I looked in there today (carefully avoiding the dangling birdie) and saw the very much alive bird with his head perched on the side of the nest just looking out--it was very cute- (though I secretly hoped that he didn't know his sibling was dangling below, and if he saw, I hoped he thought it was just bungee jumping for fun!)

In other news, the beans are coming up wonderfully, and DP planted the peppers and tomatoes that we got from dad. Seems we also have two stray pumpkin plants coming up . . .

OK, gotta run, puking puppy . . .

How does your garden grow?

Like THIS!

These are the peas and they are doing wonderfully!! I finally planted the beans last week, and today we saw some sprouting and then when I came home two had burst up and out and are standing upright.

This is where our cucumbers are SUPPOSED to be . . notice there are only weeds . .

And what would a post be without pictures of Addie? I have included an action shot of her running! We are anxiously awaiting news that the new pups are born . .should be any day now. Hope you all have a great holiday weekend. We are headed up to Michigan for some family togetherness with DP's side of the family. Should be fun.

Update

I am alive, really. It has been a long week or so, and I have been neglectful of my blogging duties.

Work has been stressing me out, and I have had to look long and hard at what I am doing, what I want to be doing, and how to find a middle ground with my career. There is a small light that appeared today in the form of a possible employment opportunity which I am excited about exploring, but even in the excitement I feel afraid and fearful that I am doing the wrong thing, and I tend to feel that I am obligated to a position forever. I know it is not like they can't find another social worker, but I just feel like I could be leaving them high and dry. I know, I know, but it feels different since they recruited me and have been building this program around me right now. I know it is not my responsibility to be sure this program makes it. I can only do so much, and I am realizing that. My sanity cannot suffer, and I am slowly falling into feelings that I left a while back and never want to go back to again. I need to stick up for myself. I need to feel good about what I am doing day in and day out.

I need something stable . . .I need to know I have a place to go and a job that will not run out--I mean I know that any job can run out, but I am not handling the ambiguity and unknowns as well as I thought. I am sooooo grateful for the opportunities that I have here, but I know I can't do this long term.

Life is ok. I had a hard time today after listening to a church sermon from this weekend, and called one of my church ladies and told her that I was leaving based on what I heard. I think we are working it out, but I am feeling all sorts of conflicted about some things, and really am questioning myself and trying to protect myself. It hurts to have this part of me feel so unsettled--especially since I have been growing closer and closer to myself and god lately.

I have been able to connect lately with an old friend . .and not that she is old, but you know. She and I have had lunch a few times, and I am reminded why this person is so valuable to me and why I love our friendship.

Oh, on a happy note, we have decided that the new pup will be a boy-- after getting lots of opinions about having same sexed dogs and what was better. His name will be Riley, and he should be born on or around May 24. We will go get him the second week of August. We also have a mommy bird who has taken up residence in our rose bush. I hope the babies don't fall out when they hatch, cause it will be really ouchy. Perhaps that's her version of barbed wire to protect her babies. We peek in at her daily to say hi, though yesterday she scared the heck out of my by flying out just as I was about to peer in. There are 3 eggs in the nest.

Also, today is DP and I's 6th anniversary together. We celebrated by going to a nice restaurant that we had been given a gift certificate to, and going to Rita's Water Ice for dessert. It was great fun!

Maybe more in a few days.

Today

Was harder than I thought. I was so determined yesterday, and it wasn't a bad day. Just confusing.

I got very close to work today and just started sobbing in the car. Don't know why really. I know I am confused about work and what I should be doing with my career, but I am not sure what the tears were about. More tears on the way to group tonight . . .just sobbing. I need to stop crying and driving . . .

Change is hard sometimes, and it means that things need to be stirred up a bit before they can come out looking different I guess.

I appreciate everyone's comments on my last post. I am glad I can be inspiring . . .I do know how hard life can be when much time is spent hating and loathing. The freedom I have now in this emerging life is almost too much to bear sometimes, but I will take that any day over the days of such struggle and pain.

In other news, it appears that we have spotted growth in the garden, which serious made me giggle today. I am so excited about the prospects of eating real home grown food. I will take a picture soon to share.

Ok, off to bed now. The eyes are soooo sleepy since the waterworks show played twice today.

How do you move on . . .

I was at therapy today and we were discussing how you change your thought patterns when you are so stuck in them.

Case in point--I have been losing weight, I have talked about that here before. (though right now I seem to be not doing as well as I'd like . . .) I have recently bought some new shirts that I think are pretty different from what I am used to (used to boring solid colors, and new shirts are vibrant and bold!). So this morning I put one on, and I looked in the mirror and thought "Oh Beans, you look cute." But then I stood there about 20 seconds too long. Instead of just looking cute and going about my business, I started to see the unmentionables . . .the rolley polley arms, the scars, the chub . . .in a matter of a few seconds I lost it. I changed into something else. A too big shirt and a pair of jeans.

I am finding myself in this in between place a lot. Where I want to hold onto the joy and the freedom of knowing I am moving on, and being stuck in what I know and what feels safe. She thought that perhaps instead of saying I feel safe in those places, that I say that those places are what I know and what makes me feel comfortable. I can feel safe in other things . . not the yucky feelings.

A while ago at a church function, I listened to a woman talk about how to be more kind and forgiving of others. She said that when people cut her off in traffic, instead of getting mad she prays for them and hopes that they get to wherever they are going safely. I told the shrinky dink today about this, and she thought I should try and apply the same principle to myself when I am feeling down and judgmental about myself. Perhaps remind myself of how far I have come, and that I did the best I could with what I had.

There you have it . . .this week I will try and challenge my thoughts and be a bit more gentle with myself. I want it . . I want it bad . . to be out of the stuck place and into the place of freedom and joy for what I have now. I know I can do it. It will be hard, but I am stronger than I think sometimes.

Silly Puppy!

Check out our silly puppy and how she chose to nap today!

The Not-So-Secret Garden

Well, the peas are in the ground. The cukes have been planted, the hosta (la vistas) have been transplanted, and the bucket o' worms has been dumped. Yes, I did say bucket of worms--200 to be exact. No, I didn't count them, but it said 200 on the bucket. Imagine having that job!!

Oh, and the tomato cages are up and put together. This gardening thing is hard work--but hopefully soooooo worth it. We still need to plant the beans, and the tomatoes and peppers when we get the from DP's dad at memorial Day. He will start them and then give them to us. What a guy!

I will post pictures soon of the before garden--well, the right in the moment garden. We didn't get before photos.

I keep waiting for something to poke through . . .DP says it's gonna be a long few weeks until something comes up.

Randomness from a personal day

I took a personal day today. The weather should be 78 degrees, and why the hell not, right??

Here I sit, waiting for the pest control people to come look at the mammoth sized bees we have in our wooden front porch--we suspect carpenter bees, and also to look at the critters that are creating neat little holes ALL OVER OUR FREAKING LAWN!!! I suspect they will tell me that it will cost us about a million dollars to rid us of our pests. Great.

I am also adjusting to the application of new bra. I realized that now that I have lost weight, and can wear some supercute things--like the dress I just bought yesterday at Target for an upcoming event . . .--well, lets just say the girls are not standing up to their full potential. Now, I am no small chested thing, and I might have, should have probably been wearing an underwire type contraption for a long time now, but they were never comfortable. Well, I have delved into another kind of underwire and am giving it a try. The girls are still lifted and separated after 10 minutes of use. I will keep you posted.

Onto other news. DP and I turned up the garden area this past weekend. Who the freaking hell knew it would be so hard to dig up grass and stuff. Well, it was and by the end of the weekend we were sorry, sore fools. My little friend and her family came over to visit and meet Addie, and little did they know they would be put to work!!

We are very excited about the prospects of sugar snap peas, cucumbers, green beans, peppers and tomatoes. We'd like to do some other things, but this is a good start for this year. The plot is about 6 feet by 16 feet--good sized. Very full of clay, but we put some peet moss and soil down. We are also composting, so hopefully once that ripens we can spread that as well. We know the peas should have been planted like a week ago, but hopefully we'll have them in by this weekend. I am really excited . . .last years tomatoes were the first thing that I ever really grew myself, so it is fun.

After all that, I went into full OCD mode with pulling weeds. I am not sure if this is a good condition to have when pulling weeds or not. I finally had to stop Sunday when I couldn't move my fingers anymore. Things are shaping up, though.

Um, I guess that's it for now. Addie goes back to the vet today for a check up, and I need to go get an eye exam and new glasses. The girls are still standing proud and tall . . .and so am I, cause when I slouch I get a rib full of wire.

Wish me luck!


**Update**
The girls stood the test of time and they were so relieved to be released from their bondage tonight. DP says she can definitely tell I have lost weight when they are where they are supposed to be. Tomorrow we will go buy some more torture devices.

Addie got a good bill of health today at the vet, and the visit cost less that $100. I was so relieved about that since this shelter dog is costing us a small fortune-->but we love her soooooo very much. We will have her hips x-rayed soon and deal with that means.

Post Traumatic Cheese Steak Syndrome

Thank you folks for NOT holding your breath for this one. I apologize for the delay, but I have been undergoing intense psychiatric treatment for this and I am only now ready to talk about it.

So, there's the tale of two cheese steak places . . .We'll call them Pat's and Geno's for lack of better names. I even happen to have a photo of these fictitious places. Not sure how I conjured them up, but alas.

We had DP's sister here to visit us from Minneapolis, and we thought it would be fun to go get a real south Philadelphia Cheese steak. After all, they are famous, and some places are even making headline news.

We head down to the city for some fun, and as lunch time approaches our stomachs are aching for some cheese steak. We find a perfect, and close parking space-which by the looks of the surroundings was quite a find! We approach the corner and we see our two options. Sister says that she's been to Pat's before and thinks we should go there. We have no loyalties, and so we go.

First of all, the line was wrapped around the building. Once could only hope this meant that the steaks they had were to die for-literally since as you can see in the above pictures, people stand in the middle if the street for these things at Geno's.

Secondly, we are noticing the line moving quickly-though still quite long with storm clouds looming ahead. This is good cause as I mentioned before, we were hungry. Still unsuspecting of what was to come, we dream of our cheese steaks and fries. What would we do in the event of rain? Nothing would deter us from our mission.

As we round the corner where we see the counter, the anticipation grows and we become nervous. Things are moving very quickly, and we rapidly take in the sign that gives you instructions on how to order.Easy enough, right? We get nearer the counter and things are moving at breakneck speed. We see meat flying, onions flying, and hear lots and lots of yelling. Turns out the way they keep the line moving is to YELL at you. "Have your money ready" Let's Go, Let's go" What do you want?" Let's go, let's go" Move it, Move it" I am scared . . .

Let me set the scene. There is a window that says steaks only, and we are thinking we want steaks and fries. We are not sure if you can order all those items at this window. Thinking it is like a cheese steak express line, we go to the next window, which we are yelled at again and told now that it is only for fries and drinks. We try and BACKTRACK to the steak window, which has now processed about 50 people in one minute and those people are not liking the fact that we are now trying to get back there. Everything is moving so quickly that I have forgotten how to order-I need the Cliff's notes and I can't think, I am being yelled at, and I have no freaking idea what I want. There's no time to think when ordering your cheese steak in Philly. DP ended up with a cheese steak with cheese wiz on it cause she didn't know what she was doing and got scared, and I got mine mostly right, but I had a ton of onions as I guess I uttered the code word for butt load of onions.

Then we are thrown our sandwiches and change, literally, and the dictator starts yelling again, "MOVE IT, MOVE IT". We get to the next window and there is more yelling, more money throwing, and little time to think. Finally we all walk away with cheese steak and half filled fountain drinks and some fries. We look stunned. We try and find the ketchup station, and after we locate that and look for a table, we find that there is none to be found. We end up sitting on a stoop of an abandoned store with our food across the street.

Let me add in here that it is not too long ago that I was heavily medicated for OCD, and we are sitting here with greasy steaks, fries, on a dirty stoop-- with 2 napkins to share between the three of us. None of this matters now because we have the beloved Philly cheese steak in hand, and we have the battle wounds to prove it. The anticipation is too much to handle and we bite in with such abandon . . .only to find . . .

it's a cheese steak. . . Nothing special .. .after all that we'd had such high expectations and were quite disappointed. The fries were cold, the steak was greasy, and all together a waste of a few million calories.

So there you have it. Between the yelling, the dirty eating accommodations, the million calories, and disappointing finish, you can see why I have affectionately called this Post traumatic cheese steak syndrome.

I say next time we stick to this cheese steak place-Tony Luke's in Philadelphia. The steaks were better when we went last year with DP's family, and there was no psychological abuse involved. I drove by the scene of the event yesterday and I began to shake. I am sure in the distance I saw flying cheese steaks and heard the sounds of screaming men-just as I put the pedal to the metal and drove far, far away.

The End.

Weekend Teaser

OK, so stay tuned for an upcoming post on the following:

1. Post Traumatic Cheese steak syndrome
2. Why I spent an hour quacking like a duck this weekend
3. What I saw hanging from a store front window

uh, well, that's doesn't sound as impressive as I thought it might . . .

It will. You. just.wait!

In Memory of Buster

This is Buster. Buster came to live with me and my family on February 14, 1992. I was a freshman in high school, and my brother and his girlfriend at the time brought her home on an impromptu trip to the SPCA. They no sooner dropped her off at my parents house, and then they left. Sure, they tried to take care of her, but they really didn't care much, and he was a senior in high school--read--> wasn't very responsible. Well, much to our surprise, Buster was a fabulous puppy--after the initial getting to know you time. She was small when we got her, and she and I bonded very quickly.

This was also around the time when things at home were crappy, and Buster and I were inseparable. We went for walks when the shit hit the fan, or when I needed a break. We slept together each night. She was my shoulder to cry on a great deal of the time. I remember one time I was taking Buster to obedience school, and we were stuffed into this small car, and Buster was farting up a storm. It was awful-we had the windows down and it was snowing out . . .it was funny!

Well, I moved to college in the summer of 1995, and Buster stayed with mom and dad. They loved that dog to pieces. She learned how to lick my dad's feet-which I personally think is SERIOUSLY gross-but the dog we had before taught her how to do that and she carried on the tradition. She was known to give you big, sloppy, wet kisses right after slurping from the water bowl. Mom used to say "cleanliness is next to godliness" when she would do that.

Buster has been going down hill for a while. She had many health problems including renal failure, hearing loss, and sometimes the inability to walk. Whenever I had seen her the last two years or so, I would encourage her to "go toward the light". I also made sure to nudge my mom about how she needed to let her go before she was in too much pain.

On Friday afternoon, my mom decided it was time. Buster had been having problems getting up, and finally she was unable to move her back legs and tail. Mom called the vet's office and they came to the house and put her to sleep with mom and dad there. Mom couldn't even call us-but she sent an email.

Now, my mother-for all of her faults-is an animal lover to the CORE. I am glad that I have gotten this trait from her. Her dogs were treated better than I was at times--but that is a whole other session ;) She was very saddened by this, but when I talked with her today, she stated that she doesn't feel as bad as she thought, since she knew it was time.

We saw Buster two weeks ago, and got some photos her and Addie. Take a look.

Have fun up there ole girl. We will all miss you very much.