First, do you see that black bowl behind me up there? Well, the people have started to put my food in this so I can no longer gobble up my food in two milliseconds. This is not fair, I say! A fine woofy of my kind should be able to eat however I want.
Secondly, you can't see it right now, but they have been putting this black collar thing around my neck, and USING it. What are they using it for, you might ask?? Well, when I am out and about walking, and I have this collar thing on, they pull and pull and pull and pull at me to stay right by their side. This is a highly unreasonable expectation for such a curious hound as myself. How on earth am I supposed to sniff out a good snack of dog poo if I can't even leave their sides?? OH, and they have even tried to use this torture device on my in my own backyard? WTF?? Can't a woofy even run around in her own backyard without having to be so "obedient"? Periodically they make me sit, and also lay down. Sit, stand, lay down, what do they want. I don't think they have any idea, so they are taking it out on me.
Thirdly, they have been talking about this boy named Riley. I don't know much about the fellow, but I sense that I am not going to like him! Some things in the house are for Riley, and not me. Everything in this house is for me, including the magazines I have started to chew up, the shoes I like to move around, and the cat that I think is mighty tasty. I don't know about this
What is this world coming to? First a crazy food bowl, then a torturous collar, and talk of some Riley thing . . .This is all too much for me. I must go ponder the meaning of life somewhere.
Thanks for listening! WOOF