Thursday, January 24, 2008

Weigh in

I know I am a few days late, but I lost another .2 lbs this week for a grand total of 10.1 lbs. I wish it had been more, but I am fine with slow and steady.

We did have a yummy dinner tonight of Whole wheat pasta, pesto, and chicken. It was yummy. Wished we had some pine nuts, but we didn't.

I hope the added carbs don't mess me up too much. I figure at least they are better carbs.

Until next week . . .

Long week

It has been a long week over here. Not so much like I did a lot, I am just ready for a break. I will take most of the day tomorrow off, as I am working all day Saturday.

Mom is doing much better . . .she is ready to come home, but they aren't sure when that will happen. She will have another surgery tomorrow to put in a port so she can have iv antibiotics for the next 8 weeks. They still haven't identified what the bacterias are that she has, and that will be important to know how to treat her. Looks like her foot is staying put. She does have a big open wound that they created when they cleaned it out and put in the drain, and they said that will eventually heal from the inside out.

I appreciate everyone's prayers and thoughts, and know she does too. I have talked to her and dad everyday this week . . .that's more than I've talked to them all year .. .ok, I know the year just started, but you get the idea.

I have been spending time with my little friend who has leukemia and her family. I watched the older sister yesterday and we had fun with the camera and video feature on my phone. Ever want to entertain a 5 year old for an hour, just give em your cell phone camera!! Today I was at the hospital for a visit with mom.

My older bro and I thought it would be a good idea for Dad to have a cell phone since he is doing a lot of driving. So I went and got him one of those prepaid phones while I was there last weekend--I think it has been entertaining to watch him trying to figure it out. He called me several times wondering why it was beeping at him and stuff. Of course I wasn't there when this was happening to be able to troubleshoot, but I wanted to tell him to go find a teenager and have the show him what to do. My daddy's moving into the 21st century-I am proud!

I am ready for my therapist to be back. She has been gone for two weeks, and it has been about 3 weeks since I have seen her. I think I did fine while she was away, but it's time!

Not much else. I will go to the gym tomorrow and then work some and then try and relax. Hope you all have fun weekends planned!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Update on mom

Hey-thanks for the prayers and stuff . . .It was such a long day and I was just terribly distracted for most of it . .though not distracted in a good way-just aloof.

I finally called the hospital at 4:45 because I hadn't heard anything, and I actually spoke to mom. She said things went well-they opened her foot and drained it and put in a drain so that they can keep getting the yucky stuff out. Dad later told me that they said the tendons and ligaments looked good, and that they took a bone culture just to be sure. I guess that will determine if there's anything more they would need to do . . .also they took cultures of the infection that will determine the course of action with antibiotics. Still not sure if she is coming home anytime soon. They said they will leave the foot open-EWWWW- until it heals some more. I can't imagine how that works, but ok.

I am glad it is over, and so is she. More waiting to hear from the doc tomorrow, but things are looking up.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

A foot to stand on . . .

I am praying right now that by this time tomorrow my mother still HAS her two feet to stand on. I saw her today at the hospital and things aren't looking as good as I was hoping. The doc just kept saying "I won't know until I get in there . . ."

Surgery is tomorrow at 2pm. If she loses her foot . .either now or even soon, it will mean a whole lot of changes . . .none of which I think any of us are ready for. Not that you are ever ready for that, but still. And yeah, I know, BLAH BLAH BLAH, at least she will still have her life. I get that . . .it doesn't make it any easier. She will use this as an excuse to give up. I know her . . .

I am so weary of family drama, and I just want to run away from it all . . .I want my head to stop spinning . . .I want to stop looking at gory pictures of infections on Google, and I want everything to be ok.

Is this all too much to ask for?

I did have a good dinner with my dad last night and we talked some. It was hard to leave him today, but I needed to come home.

If you pray, please do so. If you send energy, please do so. If you do nothing but send thoughts, please do so. I will keep you posted.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Just sh*tty

I'm feeling cruddy today. Found out mom's in the hospital with a really bad infection in her foot. Damn it . .I have so many "mom" issues to deal with. I wish it weren't so hard.

Saw the Kite Runner tonight-good movie, but wayyy intense. I also watched the sister of my little friend who is in the hospital . . she was fun, but I got the call about my mom while watching her, and then I went right to the movie. I held it together until a sad song came on the radio a few miles from home and then the damn burst.

I had one of those cries that comes from your toes and leaves you hurting afterwards . . .

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Weight loss Check in

OK, so we had our weigh in today and I am down another 3.8 lbs for a two week grand total of 9.9 lbs. I feel really good about what I am doing. Even though this past weekend I engaged in some forbidden food eating at our party-namely a two pieces of crusty whole wheat bread, a 1/2 cookie, and a small piece of cheese pie.

I started back at the gym today, and boy and I feeling sore. I did about 45 minutes of cardio and worked my upper body.

So I don't know if anyone out there watches the Biggest Loser, but I am a fan-though I think their typical weekly weight losses are CRAZY . . .aside from that, I watch Jillian and I think about all the wonderful ways she could kick my booty into gear. I watch Bob and Kim and I think, nope, I would need Jillian yelling at me all the way. I give lots of credit to the folks on the biggest loser, as I think I would positively DIE if I were on there-even before I started working out, cause I'd have to get weighed in a sports bra . . .and that my friends, would NOT be pretty!

Friday, January 11, 2008


Helloooooooo!! I have been missing in action since the vomitous day, but I am back and full of random thoughts which I will now impart onto you.

1. There is a new man in my life. His name is Daniel and I love him. We have only been in a relationship for a few days, but already I feel such intense passion for him. We did have one argument so far, but I profusely apologized to him for not listening to his advice. He didn't even seem to mind, and moved as if it didn't even affect him. He has the most beautiful British accent, though he seems to have some issues with articulation which I am learning to look past. He looks very sleek and svelte . . .He is persistent and anticipates my needs, far before I even know what they are. And when I don't listen to him, he simply restates or finds another way to get his point across. Ah, love has finally come to me and given me the direction I have been longing for.

2. I have gotten my period. Now I know I have absolutely NO right to complain, especially since I get my period like twice a year. But I was going about my day this week, and out of no where body says "Oh, I think I will make you hemorrhage now. Just for fun." Well whoopdeededamndoo. I am a normal girl for a change. I would take being an abnormal girl over this crap.

3. My little friend is still struggling a lot-in an out of the hospital. They sent her home last Friday with a feeding tube, and by Tuesday she was back. She has some gastrointestinal infection going on and she apparently looks like she is 9 months pregnant. They keep sending her home, readmitting her, sending her home. It is driving her family bonkers, and I feel so damn helpless. I don't even know what to say. What do you say to someone who is watching their 4 year old go through this? I have given up saying anything profound and I am at saying "Oh, this really sucks."

4. I am feeling huge sense that the people I work with do not like me-or just don't care to have anything to do with me. I mean, some are nice to me, but others wouldn't say Boo if I stood right in front of them. Not that they have to, but it has been hard to not have co-workers that I see regularly, and I am trying to be self-motivated and such, but sometimes you just want to shoot the breeze with someone, you know. I think there should be a place for folks that work at home to gather periodically. Like a home school club for home workers. Maybe this is what Starbucks is for.

5. The weight loss plan is going very well, though the goal to move more this week hasn't been as fruitful. I did manage to rack up some activity, but not as much as I would have liked. I guess it is ok since I was sick, and I am hemorrhaging after all. We did a mid week weigh in, and I am about 2 lbs away from my bottom weight the last time we did this. I will surely surpass that this week I hope, then I will be smaller than I have ever been in recent history. Which, for those that don't know me is still miles and miles away from where I want to be, but I am proud none the less.

Hmm . . .I guess that is it. I hope this was as good for you as it was for me.

Oh, and a shout out to RHB who has been jonesing for a computer since hers had to be fixed. She is finally breathing better now that she has unadulterated access to the Internet again. That was a long week for her!!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Needed: Barf bucket

I got the barfies . . and not the good kind either.

OK, really, I just threw up majorly this morning, but now my stomach feels like a wreck. I had to go to work cause I had 4 visits, and not really other times I could reschedule them for. All day I just prayed for bathrooms to appear when I needed them.

I have a meeting tomorrow that I rescheduled because I didn't feel good-that was the coming off of the carb high day. Sheesh-

I thought this new diet thing was supposed to make me feel better.

Oh well. I lost 6.1 lbs this week.

That'll do pig, that'll do.

Friday, January 04, 2008

How we gonna pay ..

Guess who's going to see RENT tomorrow??? OK, give up??

I am!!! I am very excited. RHB got me tickets for my birthday and she and I will going into town tomorrow and see it at the Academy of Music. I have seen this show 7 times now I think (3 times with RHB), and each time I walk away with a new appreciation for life, the challenges if it, and the wonder and magic of friends and loved ones.

If you have never seen it, you should. I also have the movie and that was a pretty good adaptation of the play, and even starred most of the original Broadway cast.

Things here are going well. I think I am beyond the withdrawal of carbs and sugar, and I am now feeling really good. We had a fabulous dinner tonight of Alice Springs Chicken and caesar salad from Outback. That place is great for low carbing. We went for a walk yesterday in the cemetery and then we went and visited a local dog park to check it out-you know you can never be too prepared! There were a ton of dogs and we are just longing for the day we have a woofy to bring there and play. I thought it was funny-throughout the park they have scoopers and signs that have funny little sayings on them about picking up poop and such. Oh I simply cannot wait!!

We also recently saw the Great Debaters. It was a fabulous movie and I highly recommend it. I also really like Denzel Washington and have seen most of his movies.

OK, off to bed. I have 3 home visits tomorrow before going to pick up RHB for our date!!!

Hope all is well-Hi to the new visitors here--Tom and Lynilu!! Nice to have some new-and increased readership. Hang on, and enjoy the ride!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Word of God

What a few days it has been. I am seriously detoxing from the crap I have been filling myself with. Yesterday I was just hungry, and today I just felt nauseous most of the day. Amazing I would choose to eat things that make me feel this bad when I don't have them. You would think I would learn.

I had to curb my water intake this morning as well, since I am on the road visiting with families I cannot just pee when I want. Luckily the first visit I went to had a bathroom I felt ok using. My second family wasn't there when I showed up, and so I went to the third one a bit earlier. I was feeling crummy about my job performance tonight, and then I thought today was probably NOT the best day to evaluate things of such importance.

Instead I just kept listening to this song that I love. Just very comforting to me . . .music is so very comforting to me. I would choose music over anything else-like TV or movies, or anything. I find I connect most to music. These are the lyrics that are comforting to me tonight. May you find something as comfortable when you feel crummy . . .

Word of God Speak

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay