The pooper

Ok, so I have a fear of public restrooms. I don't like them, and I find it hard to do my business while there are other people in there. I work in a place where we have like 7 stalls, music playing, nice bathroom.

I have noted that there is definitely a "number 2" stall (from here on out called the pooper). It is the last one in the row, a handicap stall that has not one, but three different kinds of spray should you NOT smell like roses when you go. There is also a single bathroom/shower room available, but that it a bit far away in the building.

I wonder if people know automatically when you go in the pooper that you are going to poo. I mean, what if you just liked that toilet and preferred it over the others. This afternoon I walked in the bathroom, needing to poo, but there was someone in the bathroom, and I did not want her to SEE me going into the pooper stall. So I went in another one-and waited for her to leave then went into the other stall.

I think that I think FAR too much about the bathroom and am not sure where the shame comes from in needing to deal with normal bodily functions. . .

Sure, it is probably related to past stuff, but this is what I am battling-how much energy does it take me on any given day to worry about the toilets, and how is that serving to help me toward a better life, or hindering me from it? What purpose does it serve for me to think so much about that stuff?