Monday, July 10, 2006

Monday Morning Musings

Another weekend down the drain . . .We had a good weekend. We saw "The Devil wears Prada"-which was a good movie-though I thought it placed too much emphasis on weight and size. While I know that you cannot have a movie about models and fashion without busting on weight and size, but at one point in the movie there was a celebratory toast to a woman losing weight and going from a size 6 to 4. I just didn't think it was necessary . . .

We also went to see some open houses this weekend. We are several months away from looking seriously for houses, but it was eye opening to see what houses in our price range look like. I am sad to think we cannot afford more of what we want, but also very excited at the possibility of getting something we CAN afford and making it into something we really want and like. DP has great vision and helps me to balance the feelings that what we are looking at is NOT what I want. She is able to look at a place and see its potential more than I am . Another reason I love her to death!! It feels weird to being doing such grown up things like looking at, and for houses.

So now we are at Monday. I wish work were more exciting-I am thinking that having too little work is very excrutiating. I know some would think it is great to be paid for not doing much, but I am not one to be content with nothing to do. My supervisor is in today, so I am hoping we can talk this afternoon about some more projects for this week. I fear talking about it too much as I don't want them to think they don't need me. I think my position is integral to the functioning of the program, but it needs some work. I also know that my supervisor is probably under some sort of pressure to be sure I am kept busy, but it is hard at times since she is only in several days per week.

Another spin on my lack of work is that it's giving me time to reflect on myself-and get paid for it!

I have therapy today, and we have been working on the whole idea of giving up the past and making more space for the present-thus the catalyst for starting this blog. A real time way to look at the decisions I make and how I think about the world around me. I know that I allow myself to be carried away by my negative thoughts since that is easier and more true to what I know and can excel at-

Looking at things in a whole new light is difficult for me-I have been so embedded in my head that it is hard to see other points of view at times. This is embarrassing to me since I am supposed to be able to step outside myself as a social worker and be able to show empathy and regard for others. I find I have to really talk myself through situations where it has little to do with me and force myself to focus . . .on others, on their needs, on their pains and hurts, on their joys and praises. It all has very little to do with me, and I need to be reminded of that sometimes. I used to take it very personally when parents of the clients I would work with would get angry and mad, and someone told me once "You know, it is not always about you" maybe they were having a bad day or they are just needing to vent-that doesn't mean that I was some horrible person who could not satisfy everyone at all times in all circumstances. I am only human . . .I am only human, right?

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