My new "sidekick"!

Not that I have a following, but if I did, I have been told that I would be a blogger slacker! I am sorry it has been a while since I have opened the recesses of my mind for all of you folks. It's been a bit crazy in there and I thought it best to keep it tightly sealed off from the public for a while. I envision the yellow police tape around my head. Oh well. In any case, welcome!

I did something really cool this morning with the DP--who by the way skipped out on work--bad girl that she is! We went KAYAKING!!! I was so excited. There are several reasons for my probably overly enthusiastic amazement at this activity.

It is no secret-though maybe it is to some-that I am on the larger side. I used to be very athletic, however, injuries and PCOS have gotten the better of me and I have put on some weight. I have a great desire to do fun things and occasionally seek out fun things to try, however, I am very limited at times by my size-or should I clarify, by my perception of my size.

There are lots of things I could probably do, but I don't since I worry and obsess over what others would think of me doing those things. For instance, I like to go walking and being outside in nature, but I sweat like I pig. I am not exaggerating or being melodramatic. Everyone in my family sweats horribly and so do I. I would rather stay inside where I know people will not be staring at me then to go and do the things I would like. This has been a great cause of contention in my relationship.

So back to kayaking. We were asked this past weekend if we wanted to go kayaking by some friends of DP who have never met me. While I thought that was a great idea and nice sentiment, I worried that it would be a very embarrassing adventure. I had visions of being told they didn't possibly have anything that would hold me, or worse, that I would sink. We declined and went about our weekend. DP did some research on the floating wonders, and lo and behold some of them do have a larger capacity. I was feeling hopeful.

Then, earlier this week we were at an LL Bean store and we found a life vest that fit me wonderfully. I even did a dance in mine-which was captured on film. The photographer shall be sentenced to death should that video ever make its way to being seen. But I digress.

I have a life vest. It is red. You can't miss me in my life vest. I feel confident. We decide to try out the kayaking thing on our own to see if it can in fact happen, and if so, could we actually DO it. We found a local place and decided today was the day. Despite the gloomy forecast, the sun was shining and we were encouraged to ride out there anyway. We get there and I grab my trusty red safety vest and I am ready to go. We meet some dashing young folk who look us up and down and rattle off the names of boats for the other young lads to fetch. I could tell one of the them something to the effect of (I have taken the liberty to translate the code here) "Get the JUMBO size kayak and pray that this one fits in. "

We get out to our kayaks. I get a yellow one which I soon learn is for two or three people, yet I am the sole passenger. . . DP get an orange thing, and after brief instructions from strapping young lad number 3, we set out.

IT WAS SO FREAKING COOL!!!

I was very thrilled that finally it seemed I had found something I could do that 1)my size didn't seem to be a factor, 2)my various ailments were not affected by the activity, and 3)I truly enjoyed and felt I could confidently do with other people,.

After about 45 minutes, DP and I switched kayaks to see how the other one felt, and I liked the one she had much better. It supported my back much nicer and just overall felt like it was a better fit. We landed back on shore about an hour after we started, and I had a new found appreciation of the activity. The boat we settled on and liked was called "the sidekick". Imagine that, not one, but TWO options for me.

It just felt nice to be kinda free, and to be doing things other people do and not be so weighed down by my size and worrying about what others thought. It was fun to be our there enjoying the day and learning something new. I think we are ready to call the friends up and invite them kayaking!!!