Wednesday, May 06, 2009

The Write Stuff

I have always loved to write. When I was young I used to journal about all sorts of things. When I was in high school my friend and I had a ntoebook that we woiuold exchange during each period change and it was just reflections of how we were experiencing life.

I had a bunch of journals that I took to college with me. Then when I started dating the therapist I was seeing--yes, I KNOW there's a post but not now! Anyways, she thought it would be therapeutic for me to burn those journals and I did just that. What I would give to know what my little head was thinking back in the day. I feel like so much of that stuff is out of reach for me . . I don't know that it is important for me to know, but I'd have liked the option.

Now I have 10 large sketch books that I have journaled in and have kept. I have told DP that should I die she needs to be sure that they get destroyed. The things I have written about over the years are raw, they are crazy, and they are a look into my past that is sometimes scary. Since blogger has come around, I have stopped journaling as much . . .and I wish I could get back to it.

I did get a journal that had prompts, and that seemed easier than thinking that I had to write pages and pages all the time. But I feel stuck again. I feel like I need to re-evaluate where I need to go with therapy, and I haven't the least idea where to start. I thought I would write about it but I am stuck . . .any ideas?

More random thoughts!

Oh, and BTW--the girl at work who has an EDO and I finally chatted . . .I am hoping that perhaps rather than allowing her to be a trigger we can be supportive of each other. We will see.


Lynilu said...

First of all, I can't believe a therapist would tell you to burn your years of journals!!! There may have been parts to symbolically destroy, but not the whole journals!!

Had I not kept journals and poetry through the years, I would possibly still be thinking I was crazy, rather than seeing that I put myself into survival mode and did the same things over and over to protect my sanity. When I found them and read what I had written, I saw that I fortunately blocked many things. Otherwise I would still be trying to figure out a lot of things.

What to write? Why don't you discuss it with your therapist and come up with a list of things? If you then choose to write about something off the list, so be it! But you won't be stuck at times like this.

amyjay said...

I use goddess oracle, runes, animal medicine, fairy cards, guide my journaling. My intention when drawing a card is, "what do I need to work on/be thinking about today". I read the passage that goes along with the card and I reflect on that.

So, In your case I would say, "Goddess I feel like I need to re-evaluate where I need to go with therapy, and I haven't the least idea where to start. Please guide me so that I may be more productive, continue my healing, and grow".

Just an idea.

Cheryl said...

It makes me said that that therapist would tell you to burn your journals. I don't get that at all. I mean I guess I get her thinking, letting go and all that, but what we put it print, our words, our life, is so important to also remember. Shows us how far we have come.

I wish I was better at my journal writing. I too, have slowed down my journaling, since I started blogging. I need to make an effort to do it every night. The ones I have now, when I look back, makes me so glad I wrote about it.

I love your writing and I hope you write and write.

Hope your feeling better. Thinking about you and sending hugs.

beans said...

Lyn- Yeah, well this was also the therapists I started dating. I don't think having me burn my journals was the only thing she had ass backwards. It was a bad situation, and one that I have come to terms with that it was a complete abuse of power. Really messed up my therapeutic relationships from then on. I am super dee dooper boundaried which can be a barrier at times. We did talk about this today in therapy, so see other post!

Amy-Thanks for your suggestions. I looked up a few things and got some good ideas based on what you mentioned. I also like the idea of taking a minute to see what comes up as a guide. Though sitting quietly with myself has been an issue that I am working on. I also poked around your blog some and I will be sure to visit more often. Thanks for stopping by!

Cheryl-See about about crazy therapist. I had thought for a while that blogger would replace my journaling, but it never quite worked out that way. I would like to check out some of the places that will print your blog though as there are some things I blogged about that I didn't journal about. Should blogger ever disappear it would be good to have. Thanks for the well wishes. I am headed back to work tomorrow-and I am happy to report that I still don't have the swine flu!