Monday, December 17, 2007


Have you heard of the book Mortified?

It is a book about the journals of kids from when they were younger and how dramatic everything was back then.

I have always liked to journal, and in fact the other day I pulled some out and was perusing through them. I have about 9 of the big spiral bound sketch books that are filled with drama and tales of woe. I had some notebooks from later in high school, but a therapist turned lover (don't ask it is a whole other blog entry . . .which I am sure no one wants to hear about) encouraged me to burn them and "let them go".

The reason I had pulled them out is that they are in the same under bed bin that my yearbooks are in, and I was looking at my yearbooks from high school. Now why would I be doing this to myself? Well, while going to dinner one day we happened to see a girl I went to high school with. I live about 1 1/2 hours away from where I grew up, and when I left home I never wanted to see anyone from that god forsaken place again. Though this girl I saw at the deli was ok, and she happens to still be friends with a girl that was nice to me in school-there were very few. The other girl that I didn't see but who knows the girl I did see has been emailing with me.

Very weird to relive that time, and for me it was such a terrible time that I have very few memories of the whole thing to begin with-much less good ones. I am glad to have made this connection and hope that in it I can make peace with that time of my life and give myself permission to move on.

Therapy today was focused on allowing myself to live in the present and be ok with letting the past be . . .easier said than done, but I am committed to work on it. I will start by trying to not let myself be affected by my folks when they are here and the things I cannot change about them. I can choose to take care of myself, and that is all I am responsible for. I'll let you know how that works for me.

Hope all is well in your corners.


Jenster said...

I will keep you in my prayers through the holidays and as you work through this crap.

beans said...

I appreciate it-and you! Thanks