Venting

OK, thus far I have loved my job. I still love the job I do, but I am, however, very frustrated with something that has been happening.

I am required to have supervision toward my LCSW . . .8 hours a month to be exact if I want to count 40 hours a week of work. I am currently receiving 2-4.5 hours monthly depending on the sibling group I co-facilitate. I do that in exchange for a few hours for supervision. This is not a requirement for me to have my job, but rather for me t move toward my clinical license.

Well, when I was in the job for a few weeks I decided to email my supervisor to see if she knew of anyone in the agency who could supervise me. She did not and forwarded to to the head cheese of my agency. She then told me that the second head cheese of the parent agency wanted to meet me, he was a social worker and was very excited to meet me. They would take me to lunch and we would talk about supervision possibilities. We had a great lunch and he said he would get back to me. Now, he is the second in charge of a large agency . . .not someone that just anyone gets to go out with.

So then at a recent event, he introduces me to someone who he thinks might be able to supervise. She is an LCSW and works in a welfare to work program with folks who have significant mental illness. She told me she'd be willing to supervise me if I gave her some hours in her program. Now, normally this would be ok. However, I don't have the time she wants me to "give". My supervisor basically said no, and I have not one bit of interest in her program.

Yesterday I got an email saying someone had been identified-meaning the woman in the Welfare to work program, and I went to the head cheese of my agency and said, well, thanks, but I don' t think it is going to work, I would like to find someone who is in the line of work I am doing and I think what she is doing and what I am doing are not similar. She encouraged me to think that is wasn't as dissimilar as I thought . . .I talked to my supervisor and she suggested that I let things go for now and just see what happens. She said welcome to the politics of the agency.

Today I get an email from second head cheese from other agency asking me to call him tomorrow as he wants to discuss. He feels the lady would be a great fit and sure I could wait and see if someone doing similar work is available, but this is what he has for now. Then, here's the kicker, I get an email from head cheese of my agency to the effect of "second head cheese is NOT happy. I suggest you seriously consider making this work with this lady".

OK, so is it me, or does it sounds like I am being bullied into making this work. The thing is, I don't NEED the supervision to do the job I am doing. I simply inquired about the availability of someone and now I feel like I am being forced into something I don't want to do. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I emailed my supervisor and asked her what I should do . . .The other part of this is that my position is grant funded, and as of June 30 I technically don't have a job if the grant doesn't get refunded, so I don't want to piss people off either.

Damn it, see what happens when I try and get my needs met . . .now I am in this mess and I want out. Hell, I will sell toes to get money for supervision, but I don't want this and I don't want to get supervision for the heck of getting it with just anyone. I want it to mean something and be beneficial. I know I could be more open to the other program, but seriously I have no interest in it and said I never wanted to work in mental health like that. I am my own basket case, much less working with others with those issues.

I just feel very angry that I feel like this is something I will have to do since I put it out there. I already still feel like despite loving the job I do, and the supervisor and immediate co-workers I have, I don't get the sense that anyone else at the agency really likes me. This is hard because I have always been very well respected and liked. Maybe it is just the place, maybe they just don't know what to do with such a fabulous person . . .

Thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, and Jenster, I had to laugh my ass off at your posting about Jill. I am sorry she has caused such discord in your marriage, and your reasons for disliking her are very valid. You articulated your point very well and I sure do hope if and when the time comes for me to have my own "Jill" that is doesn't cause so much angst. Hehe, thanks for sharing that with me.