Change is hard

I started my new position today and I have to say-at the end of the day I am seriously thinking "self, what were you thinking moving to this job?". I wish I could say I did wonderful things and learned a lot, but really, I spent most of the day looking through files because there is a big audit correction report that they have to have done by Friday.

The girl who I am supposed to be shadowing was sick today and while she tried to be a good representative of the program, she also recognized that she was being horribly whiny and was NOT being a good advocate for the program. So in between all the "I have no idea what I am doing's" and the "What the hell have I done", I was trying to remind myself that things will be ok and that this is my first day. This wasn't a "safe" job for me where I knew everything, and that will mean I need time to learn.

Then I had my social work supervision group tonight for the first time. This is a group that I gathered of people where I work who need clinical supervision toward our clinical social work license. I met two of the folks a few weeks ago, and the supervisor is someone I chose. Listening to all the others talk about what they do--"real" social work in my mind-they are meeting with families and kids daily-I just felt like a bum. I am doing case management-hardly real social work. I get down sometimes about what I do when I hear the neat things others are doing, and it is even harder when they LOVE what they do.

Oh well, I know I am just dealing with all the feelings that come along with change, but they are a bit more unsettling right now than I would like.

On a good note, I got to see my friends this weekend. These are not just any friends, these are the mack-daddy of friends. We have been a group of 8 of us who have all worked together at some point, some have moved on to other things, some have had kids, and some just are wandering trying to find our places. But these are the kinda friends who you know would be there for you no matter what, and that you can really count on. We don't see each other nearly enough now that life has happened to us, but most of us saw each other this weekend and it was a wonderful reminder of the force that deep meaningful friendship can have in your life. I love those women, and am honored to have all of them in my life.

I need to go and just think about something other than work right now.