Grab a cup of something and settle in-

Hi. How are you all doing? I am ok. I went to the doctor today to see what is up with these crazy headaches I have been getting on on off for the last two months. Also some weird heart racing. No big deal. I get there and they take my BP and is it high--usually is at first. Doc comes in, talks to me for a bit, takes it again, and it is higher. She pokes around and thinks I have a sinus infection which may be causing the headaches. I have a long history of sinus issues and so this is not a far cry from what could be happening. She listed to the ticker and declares that fine as well. Obviously she is concerned about increased BP, so she prescribed antibiotics for the infection, and tells me to come back in three weeks and we will talk more about headaches if they are still there and check on BP. She also took blood--lots of blood. I am supposed to have my BP taken three times between now and the time I go back, and I am not sure how I am going to do that short of going to her office, which is a about 35 minutes away. I really like this doc and have stayed with her through various moves-much like the mechanic, I don't want to switch. I went to a cardiologist a year ago after my mom's open heart surgery to check on BP, but as soon as he took me off the birth control, it was better than normal. I am not on BC now, so I am unsure as to what could be causing this. I am sure worrying about what's causing it is causing it to go higher. Probably the brain tumor that is growing in my head as we speak and will soon burst out of my eyeballs.

Then this evening I talk to my brother. My brother who moved to TX over Easter and who I haven't seen since. Well, he is having a hard time. My SIL was diagnosed with bi-polar I guess like two years ago now, and it is not being managed very well. She had been hospitalized a few times, and then they decided together they would move to TX where she could take another lawyer job, make a shitload of money, and live the slower paced life. Well, needless to say the shit hath come very close to the fan, and my brother is stressed and has threatened to take Little Tyke away and leave. Which I am sure is not helping the situation, but he doesn't know what to do. I have told him what to do, of course, and he isn't listening and it is making me mad. He seems to think he can just reason with her and try and bully her into treatment, and I keep telling him it will not work. He asks me what to do, and I tell him to seek out a couples therapist that can help them determine together how to manage this. He has been supportive all along, but he is getting impatient. He revealed to me tonight that he has been seeing a therapist privately before they left for TX, though he paid in cash so as to not have anything on record in case he needed to deal with custody issues. Now that he is a stay at home daddy, he doesn't have the cash he had before to do this. She is seeing a psychiatrist once every three months--and they have her on so many meds that I can't imagine how they are monitoring it every three months. Her therapist has told her that she doesn't need to be going to therapy so much, and so she doesn't go. I think she is far from being able to manage this on her own.

My relationship with my brother has been so complicated. This man that I care about so deeply now is the same kid who did horrible things to me as a child, and who I nearly destroyed myself over. When I hear him talk, I hear how scared and vulnerable he is, and how he wants someone to help him make sense of things---it makes me sad (can I feel sad? can it be ok to feel sad for him, who did THAT?). Of course I want to be there for him, but I struggle as well with the feelings that come up. I hear him on the phone with Little Tyke, and he sounds like such a great father, and you can tell he is trying so hard. I want this to be easier for him, I want him to listen to me to get support for himself (why won't he listen--is this how it was when I didn't listen to people . . .). I want her to feel ok about herself. She is a brilliant, high powered lawyer who is freaking out right now and can't get out of bed because the TX bar application specifically asks if she has bi-polar disorder. She is worried that she will not be admitted to the bar and will lose her job over this. I can't blame her . . .I don't think that is even legal, but what do I know.

I know that is sucks to think of their relationship struggling so much. They have been together since high school, and he sacrificed a lot for her to put her through school. I hope they can find a way through this in a way that is honorable for all. I hope that Little Tyke is spared any harm from her inability to be near him and love him as he should be loved. I know they are all trying--it is hard to sit back and not have the words or the ability to help.

I will see them in about two weeks, and I am very excited. Little Tyke talked to me today on the phone about our plans to go trick or treating, and he instructed me on what I was to say when I got to the doors. He also told me about the dog that bit him in the face, and how he had to get stitches. He said is burned a little, but he was a big boy--all 4.75 years of him.

I miss them . . .I am sad for them.

Explanation needed . . .

Someone P L E A S E explain to me HOW on GOD'S green earth Sarah Palin is an expert on autism . . and how she knows so much about autism . . .Does he NOT know that the child that Sarah Palin has has DOWN SYNDROME????

OMgoodness . . . McCain just makes me angry on so many freaking levels . . .

Ok, I need to calm myself down before bed.

I did sign up to drive folks to the polls today. Goodness knows I need to do something . . .

Seven things you might not know about me . . .

So Lynilu had tagged me on this last week sometime, and well, I am slow . . .but here goes . . .enjoy!

7 interesting things you might not know about me...

1.) I almost died when I was a baby. Had something wrong with my liver and they took most of it out when I was 5 weeks old I think.

2.) Because of said surgery, I had several blood transfusions and was tested for HIV for years after and I never knew why I had to be tested so much. This was before they tested blood for HIV . . .

3.) I played the trumpet in high school and was in the marching band, jazz band, and concert band. I would occasionally be known to play a tuba or two as well.

4.) I sleep with a very large U shaped pillow in my bed to help me sleep due to my herniated disc problems . . .have such a hard time sleeping without it when I travel.

5.) I have journaled for years and years and have a ton of journals stored up, and when I was 19, a therapist I was seeing for therapy (who I ended up dating) encouraged me to "let them go". So now I don't have the journals from those early years, and I regret this often.

6.) My parents had people round the clock in the hospital with me when I was born since I was in a very bad neighborhood and was the only white child in the nursery.

7.) I used to not shave my legs cause I thought I was making some kind of feminist statement . . .now I think that overly hairy legs is kinda icky. I have been harassing SOMEONE about this for weeks now to no avail . . .

8.) A bonus-->when I was heavily into drugs in high school, I ran a weed ring through the drive through window at the McDonald's I worked at--that is until I got caught and fired . . . but I made some killer money and also knew how to make a bowl using a courtesy cup, tin foil, and a straw! Who said I wasn't smart!

There you go. Hope it was entertaining!

Ridiculously Cute . . . .

I couldn't resist . . .I promise I will write soon. Lynilu has tagged me and I will get to that in the next few days . . .but in the meantime, check out these pictures. The one photo shows Riley with his new friend Bergey from puppy training class. We had a play date at our house on Sunday and it was fun!

National Public Radio

We know and love it as NPR, and for years I thought it was only for old people who had nothing better to do with their time but sit around and listen to their radios at the kitchen table.

Boy was I wrong. I was turned onto NPR a while back when I saw a TV show talking about Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me. It is a weekly news quiz show that is funny enough to make me question if I have actually peed myself. I often wondered what people were listening to in their cars to make them laugh out loud, and I can safely say that this must be on the dial for some of them. I don't actually dial into NPR, though I do have it as a preset just to say I have it, but seems BBC news is always on when I tune in, so I listen to the podcasts.

I have also enjoyed Car Talk, where people call in and talk to these guys about car troubles--could be a woman who wants to know if it is ok to date a man who lives in a van, or suggestions on how you can butter up your mechanic--which you know I am all about!

Then there is Story Corp, not to be listened to en mass on the way to work, as you will find yourself crying, snotty nosed, and without tissues. Here they share interviews of people who have like 3 minutes in a booth to talk to or interview someone on something. Often times parents and kids talking about days gone by, or how old aunt sally met uncle homer in 1912 in the middle of a blizzard. You know, real tearjerker kind of things. Not all are that way, there are some funny ones like the woman whose mother bought her an inflatable bra in the 1920's and things went horribly wrong in the airplane and she was taken into custody after her boobs grew ever so large and then exploded--sounding like a gun. Again, too funny.

Who knew NPR could be so enlightening, fun, and laugh out loud hysterical! Take a listen and let me know what you think!! I am getting smarter by the week, and you can, too!!!

What a crock!

DP and I decided this week that we should make something in the crock pot. So we got out our cookbook-entitled "Not your mothers slow cooker cook book". We perused some good ones, and settled on some meatloaf and potato thing. Seemed easy enough and thus we have dinner cooking as we speak.

Thing is, it is weird, as a person who sorta has some OCD issues, to leave a heated thing on cooking in the house all day long. Something seems very wrong with that.

Secondly, I have been home for a few hours now smelling this yummy yummy dinner, and all I can think about is food . . .I want to eat NOW!! We have another 2 hours for crying out loud. I will never make it-or I will simply eat so much other stuff that I won't be hungry for yummy dinner. I am also seriously procrastinating on finishing my paper which is due tomorrow, people. GRRRRRR

I also can never resist the urge to go open the top and look in. I know this lets out a ton of steam that has been building for hours, but I need to interact with it somehow--I can't believe it doesn't need me . . . to do ANYTHING.

That's just a crock if you ask me!

Can't help myself

Look what I found on my desk this morning when I got to work--HOW FUNNY!!!

Officer Down

Last week an officer was shot in the line of duty. I happened to be relatively near where it happened, and actually had to pull over since the amount of cops responding to the scene were massive. It amazed me that no one dies at the hand of cops going to these sorts of things--I seriously thought someone was going to get hit.

In any case, today is the public viewing and funeral for this officer, and today on my way to a visit I saw many many squads on motorcycles from other towns going to the funeral. For some reason it just makes me so sad.

I know any of us are at risk just in every day life, especially those who are in certain higher crime areas, but I can't imagine the struggle of families who's relatives are cops and firefighters and in like professions.

Not much else to say about it--just sad that this has to happen. Not to mention the sad state of affairs of the gentleman who did it. We talked in our social work supervision last week about what has to happen to to a child to have such a history of aggression at an early age. I am reading a book--that I should have read in graduate school-called Ghosts from the Nursery talking about the history of violence in young children. This guy was an adult, but he had a significant juvenile record. They reported that when he shot him at close range in the face, he then stood over him and continued to shoot him. That's anger . . .that's serious rage . . .that's sad. Just and FYI, the suspect was later killed by another officer.

Just sad . . .

I love my mechanic!!

How many people can say they love their mechanic? Well, I do. I have been going to this same Meineke for years now . . .seems that no matter how far I have moved away, I still end up back there. There are three guys that have been there all along with a few gems that have come and gone. There's Eddie who owns the place-and he is rarely around--but when he is, the service times are outstanding--though I have to say that I am a bit sad at the reduced amount of time I got to spend with "my boys"!! There's this guy Jim who is just an overall nice guy who just got married for the first time at age 50 or something like that. Then there's Kenny. Kenny and I hit it off from the start, and he thinks I am just some crazed lesbian woman who has serious OCD issues around her car--which in all honestly used to be very true! He is always very patient, and appreciates me for who I am. He shows me things when he tells me something is wrong or needs to be fixed, he has extended credit to me on occasion, and he is just very funny. We have good laughs together and I enjoy going there. I don't, however, enjoy spending the money to go there. But at least I always know that they are fair and are doing what they need to in order for me to remain safe and to spend the least amount of money overall.

Oh, and they loan me a two toned ancient truck when they need the car longer than expected, and the best part--they let me bring the dog. They feel as if Addie should be their shop dog--which I almost agreed to since sending her there daily would be much cheaper than doggy daycare! They said they would have to change her name to Moe and give her a spiked collar. Wasn't sure how I feel about that now, so for now she'll just go visit.

Everyone should have that kind of mechanic in their lives.

Politics

OK, so I know who I am voting for, but if you were to ask me why, I would just say cause I don't want another republican in the office. Though I truly believe that this person would do a good job, I just feel so overwhelmed by the he/said she said of it all. One will say the other did such a horrible thing, and then the other will come back with a comeback . . .and then the evening news will run a story saying the most of the claims made by the candidates are not true.

So my question is--who the heck to you believe . . .how do you make a case for either?

I just feel very frustrated with the unknowing of it all. Seems like everyone is lying these days.

Some fun!

Jenster has tagged her readers to answer the following questions . . .

Ten years ago I was:

Oh, bad times . . .very bad times. I think I was in the hospital for my eating disorder and cutting stuff. It was also the last time I did any drugs!!! I was still in college-barely. They wouldn't let me into the social work department until I got my act together. I was living with a christian family that took me on as their "project". I drove a purple neon . . .I was a mess!!


Five things on today's To Do List:

1. Observe kid at school and see new family

2. Resist the big container of cookie dough in fridge

3. Run the pups like crazy before the downpour comes

4. Order some clothes from Land's End--need pants bad!

5. Call brother or dad to find out how brother is


A snack I enjoy:

Anything that is a carbohydrate!! I am not picky--> bread, pretzels, bagels, you name it!


Things I would do if I were a millionaire:

* Pay off debt
*Fix up my house with a beanie shack!
* Give some money away
*Open a kennel or some other animal related endeavor
* buy lots and lots of books and create a wall to wall library with comfy chairs
* help my family


Places I have lived:

* New Jersey
* Poconos
* Philadelphia
* Various suburbs of Philadelphia



Oh, fun and easy post!! Except the remembering how unwell I was 10 years ago. SOOOO thankful for now, and being exactly where i am!!! Thanks Jenster!

Oh, the weather outisde is . . .

BEAUTIFUL!! I want to live in a place where it is this temperature all the TIME!

The best is when I can wear shorts and a long sleeve shirt. I am happy as a clam when it is like that. When I don't sweat before I even step out of the shower . . .

Ok, so Lynilu has called me out, and I am here to give an update! Wish I could make it as exciting as Amy Poehler in SNL, but you will have to deal with just me . . .

Work has been good. I had a very important meeting today with a local educational place to try and sell myself and my program to them as a contract service. I felt really confident and I presented myself very well. I recognize that if they choose not to go with it, it has nothing to do with me myself--it has to do with them as a program. Important distinction!!! Made me realize how far I have come--and that I am going to be ok. My grant ends the end of January, and without promise of additional funds I will be unemployed. I am ok with that. I am working as hard as I can to be in a position to have other options for myself.

School is going--I am less excited about spending the amount of money I am to take this class, but it is a means to an end. I had to email the professor the other day as we discussed a case and the class kept talking about how crazy this family was, and how crazy the mom was. I couldn't believe that in a school of social work that she would allow such things to be said. I somewhat firmly believe that we are what we think--so if we think that people are crazy and view them that way, then are we really giving them a chance at being anything different? I recognize we all need to blow off steam, especially in this field, but I was feeling that was just not cool. Tonight we were talking about self injury, and people were being stupid with their comments--and I finally couldn't take any more and I raised my hand and I told them that I was a person who used to cut and do those things, and I am not weird--ok, well, maybe I am weird--but you know. Several people came to me afterwards and thanked me for putting a real face on the issue. Damn, and these people are going to be social workers . . .

The kids are good. Riley is growing like a weed, and Addie is holding her own. I have embraced the use of the outdoor kennel, and we haven't been issued a warning from animal control that our dogs are being a menace, so I assume they are behaving when we are gone. We put straw in their houses, and they both seem to like the kennel. Riley has started a new training place due to scheduling conflicts with the other place. He is really smart--even more so than his sister I feel. We won't tell her though.

My brother in Houston still has no power, though their house was mostly spared any damage. I think they have a few windows that need to be replaced, but other than that they are ok. I am going to visit them next month, and I sure hope they have electricity by then!! Not too much to ask. I am going to visit after I go to San Diego for work. It is quite a sacrifice I am making to go to CA for three days to present for 12 minutes. They asked me at work if I would mind going for them . . .um, let me think about it . . .NO!!! I am really excited and scared at the same time, but that's another post.

I hate--dislike very much-Jenny McCarthy . . .

Weird sightings today--a man on the corner of a major intersection doing crunches on the ground . . .mid day . . .just on the ground doing crunches.

Ok, no more. I have had to draw a line in the sand and cut back on some things. I realized that I was out most nights of the week and so I have had to allocate one night a week that I am home, nothing to do but watch TV in my pj's. I have cut back on my women's hometeam group and will only go every other week when I don't have my social work supervision group. That frees up one night a week. Important self care that is hard for me to do . . .growing all the time . . .

There you go . . .I will try and be slightly more regular in my attendance!

In the doghouse

I should be in the doghouse for not writing . . but alas here I am.

This weekend has been hot as heck, especially today. We went swimming in the neighbors pool that was only half full since he was draining it . . .we were desperate.

Today we built the doghouses that we got for the pups. They are these cute log cabin looking things--I know we are dorky, but we're like that. We also put the kennel flooring in-and we left a space for them to take care of their business. Looks nice. I took some photos and will update this soon with lovely photos of the kennel-I think Riley even posed in one of them.

Not much else going on. . .went back to church today for the first time in like a month and it felt good to be back and see some of my people.

Tomorrow it is back to work, and another busy week. Maybe it will be cooler and I can be less cranky . . .right now we are watching Catch and Release . . .cute so far.

Until next time-

**Update with Pictures**


OK, so here you can see the semi close up shot of the kennel with the two houses and the flooring. Watch, they will both try and cram into on of the houses. We got them from Petsmart.com









Here's Riley posing in front!







And just a cute picture for fun! His ears have fallen, which we are told is normal when they are teething! He looks so cute. Stay tuned for another installment of Addie's Corner later this week!

Did anyone see this??

Ok, I don't want to get into what I think of the whole political hullabaloo right now, but I thought this was absolutely almost pee-in-your-pants-funny from last night's convention!!

Take a look . .

Busy Busy

For the next few months I will be busy. I have gone back to school to see if I can finally finish up my certification to be a school social worker, and so I had the first class tonight. It was nice to be back in school again . . .

Then the clinical supervision that I was doing on Wednesday's has been moved to Thursday for the semester to accommodate me. Every other week I have supervision, and the other Thursday's we have puppy kindergarten with Riley. Monday's is therapy, and Tuesday will be women's group at the church starting next week again.

I would love to find a certification in professional vacationing. I think I would be very good at that. I think it could quite possibly be my calling in life.. . .

I don't think I could have kids . . .

These dogs are driving me bonkers . . .the little one eats everything, including his own poop. I couldn't get to it fast enough tonight and so he had a warm snack-- fresh out of the oven.

Then the big one feels the need to steal all the toys from her brother, even though for the last five months she has shown no interest in them. I think she also feels as if she's gotten a great squeaky toy since she goes near him and he squeaks.

Sheesh. I am exhausted. DP came home yesterday after being away all day at work, and I turned the kids over to her. I can see now why the stay at home person just walks away at the end of the day when their DP's come home. The house is a wreck, I can't pee in peace, the noise level is insane . . .

And to think we did this all voluntarily!

*beans goes to find her black and white striped referee shirt*

Picture of the day!

B-I-N-G-O

So, it was any other ordinary Saturday, when we--meaning DP, DP's sister, and her man friend and I decided that we would go play BINGO on the reservation. Now, when this idea was brought up a while back, I was very excited--I had always heard that gay bingo was fun. Well, I came to find out later that the bingo we were going to play was not in fact gay bingo at all. Oh well, it would be fun none the less. Right?

Let me tell you, this ain't your elementary school bingo, kids! This was hard core bingo, complete with old ladies with oxygen tanks, smoke filled rooms, and bingo boards the size of a small child.

When we arrived at the Menominee Casino we were wide eyed and unsure what to do. You would have thought we all had 5 heads the ways these folks were looking at us. We found someone to tell us that we had to get a special card in order to play, which we did. We stood in a very smoke filled room while we all got bingo cards with our names on them. Then we had the tasks of standing in line tyring to figure out what all the options meant. At one point a fairly grumpy old lady informed us that the line was back there, and what did we think we were doing cutting in line. Couldn't we see they were all waiting?(She was sitting at a table that she clearly felt was a line??!!??) Apparently anxiety was already high in the Bingo hall because the computers had recently gone down and they weren't able to sell games in enough time to be able to play warm up games. While we waited in line, a bus arrived with many, MANY older people who had these little pins on-I guess to remind them they'd come on a bus and to identify them?

We decide on what kinds of games we will play, and DP and Man friend walk away with electronic bingo boards, and sister and I have the paper boards. The electronic games I think are for those that want to say they are playing bingo, but really want to pick up a hot lady or man friend while looking about the room. Basically these machines did everything for you, and even beeped and told you to prepare to yell bingo when it was time. Good thing I stuck to the real thing for some authentic bingo experiences.

After looking through my three inch stack of paper games, it was evident that we would need one of those dot maker things--otherwise known as a dauber. Pictured here in case you didn't know what they were. I believe in the world of children, they are also known as Do-A-Dot Art. Clearly this activity was started by seeing some child playing with their great great great grandparents daubers in Florida somewhere! Someone thought "Hey, we could make a mint on this and market it to kids-then they'd already know how to use them in their golden years for bingo!! Anyways, I went and made my selection of a medium size dauber-in purple of course. Sister chose green. Man friend was awarded a FREE dauber since it was his birthday month. You can BET I am going back in December when we are here for Christmas to get my free dauber. It even had a birthday cake and candles depicted on the front. Ah, memories.

Well, finally it was time to get started, and we were playing what is called 9-on, where we had nine games going for each round. There were 27 rounds total, though some were special ones. I swear, I left there with a headache and seeing colored dots floating around the room. It was interesting to watch others play this game. Some came with enough gear to get snowed in for months. Multicolor daubers, little snow globe receipt holder things, coolers of food, smokes--they even served free coffee and soda! I still don't know what you would do with a 10 color selection of daubers, but more power to them.

In the end I left with nothing but a blogging topic, and a better understanding of what was happening in the gym on Friday's when I went to catholic school. My fondest memory of bingo prior to this trip was getting chosen to be the one who was allowed to take my teacher's dollar bill to the gym and buy her a hot dog w/ kraut and mustard every Friday during bingo. I wasn't ever sure why I was chosen to do this, but I remember it fondly.

We stopped off at the slots for good measure with $20. I lost all but $4, but in a last minute decision, I ended up leaving with $21.50.

It was a good day.

(PS--this post was not meant to be offensive in any way. So if you, or your grandparents, great grandparents, or great great great grandparents are a bingo player and felt offended, I am sorry!)

Unbelievably cute dogs!

I know everyone says and thinks their dogs are the cutest things ever. I know several of my regular readers have adorable pups of their own--some really crazy readers have MANY dogs!

For those of you who don't appreciate dogs, or don't like them. I am sorry. Here goes . . .

Addie, Riley, and Molly--DP's parents dog from the same litter!! How cute are they! This was in a rare moment where they weren't trying to put each others heads in their mouths!!











Addie showing her little brother who is in charge. Though when Riley is on the deck, he is all sorts of vocal and assertive! Very funny to watch because he will get all excited and fall off the deck and then he sees Addie and is like, "Oh, shoot, retreat, RETREAT!!!" Then he, or Molly will head under the grill where Addie can't quite get to them.








After all the messing around, Riley goes to the chair on the deck where he just sacks out. Sometimes I will go to the other chair and he will crawl up and just look at me. He needs the stair on the deck to get into the chair, so that is the only one he can get in for now. He won't fit in that chair for long!! He now weighs 20.9 lbs!! His sister is only .2 lbs smaller-though he looks so much bigger!





Hello in there . . .

This is Molly. Yesterday Riley put the whole thing on his head and was walking around with it on his head. They do this sort of drunk looking walk when they are carrying this around, I think because they can't see.










Could these girls look any more guilty?????












This is Addie before her morning cup of coffee. Good thing she has that big mug of joe to get her going!! How telling is that picture. This must feel like doggy day care everyday for her, and this morning the pups and Addie were so low key and droopy. I think it is all catching up to them. Just in time for DP's sister to arrive with her dog, Willie. I think mom and dad should just hang a kennel sign out front!!!

What have I been up to!

Oh so very busy around here. Life with three puppies, a DP, her family, and lots to do has been hectic--but we are having lots of fun.

The other day we went to see DP's sister in Minneapolis--which by the way is really hard to say sometimes, especially with a lack of coffee in your system. It has been known to come out as "Minne-ne-min-opolis" at times. Oh well-much funnier in person! It was a good time. We were able to see the site of the bridge collapse, which consequently is right behind their house a few blocks up. They are doing amazing reconstruction, so you can imagine the traffic concerns still.

Then we went shopping around town. We went to see some tile, glass, and pottery places. I bought a few tiles at this really neat store called Clay Squared and we found some neat numbers for our house. They had to make one of the numbers we needed, so they will ship it all out together which is nice. We won't have to worry about it breaking on our watch! Then we gallivanted around some more. We went to another place called Saint Sabrina's tattoo and piercing place to get my earrings switched out. I got my earring put in there a few years ago when we were visiting and they were really nice--clean, too which is always a plus! While there, I talked with the woman who helped me, who is one of the piercers, and I noticed that she had self-injury scars that were tattooed over. We talked about this a bit, since I was told that I couldn't tattoo over my scars. It was nice to talk to someone-weird as it was at a tattoo place-who was in a good place about her scars. She said she covered them up because it was easier than telling people why she had them in the first place. While there, we also saw a girl--who was CLEARLY in the rebellion phase of her life who declared to us that she was getting her cl** pierced. Hmm, so my lady goes from piercing THAT to working on my ears. I guess the work isn't boring!

We then went to this great store that had all eco friendly home stuff. I can't remember the name of it, but not only did it have great products, but it also had really neat free info you could take. We also went to Bibelot, which is a store that I would spend way too much money in if we had one close to us. Very fun to go to new places and see new fun things!! We were able to get some holiday presents checked off the list. Oh, there was a neato pet store and trendy baby store as well that we were able to get a present in for my little tyke nephew--who is going to be 5 in January--not so little tyke I guess.

OH, REWIND!!

The first day we were there, we went to The Mall of America. For those of you who know me well, you know that I hate malls, and typically hate to shop. You won't believe then when you hear that it was MY idea to go to MOA. I figured I needed at least to say I had been there. Well, we did all three floors-and the first floor twice! We had a good time, a good meal, and I can now say I have been there!

Well, that was that. I have a puppy update in me as well, but I have to take a break. The computer access here is ify, and sometimes really slow. The pictures take a long time to load.

DP's sister is coming to town today with her boyfriend, and they will be here for the weekend. We are going to this large art fest in Green Bay this weekend called Art Street. I am very excited to see what they have to offer, especially the pottery. We will also try our hand at BINGO at the Casino tonight. Should be loads of fun. Maybe we will even do some nickle slots. Always a good time--with our $20 limited stash of cash that is!!

Hope you are all well. Stay tuned for the puppy update!

Addie's Corner- Episode 5

What a trip. I don't even know where to begin . . .all I know is that the moms got up soooo early the other day--I was still sleeping, which means it had to have been early because I am a "Rise and Shine" kind of gal, and that means EARLY!! I lay there in my bed hoping they would go back to sleep-but they didn't. I think the clock read 4am. At least they fed me and then I got to get in the car. They bought me this new thing for the car which helps me from not falling down between the seats. I don't have such good balance in the car, and sometimes I get marooned in between the seats when I fall. They said it would be dangerous to try and un-maroon me while travelling at high speeds, er, I mean the speed limit of course!! This lets me lay on the seat in all sorts of positions and get comfy. Good thing cause we drove and drove and drove some more. Here I am posing with my new car hammock! Aren't I pretty?







I saw a lot of this while we were driving. Moms said they never expected me to be such a good traveler--they told everyone they talked to on that little phone that I was so good. We stayed in a neato hotel in Maumee, OH where they had the neatest park with trails and little kids I could sniff after. I got to run around the hotel room like a little banshee and not even get in trouble. I slept the whole night-until they woke up early again--then I saw more and more of this!! OHH, while we were on the trip, we stopped a couple of times at these big places with lots of cars and people, and I had to stay on my leash. I didn't like that part so much. I was so distracted by the cars and people, and can you imagine that there were people who DIDN'T want to play with me--sheesh. Clearly they missed out on supreme cuteness. I had to pee and poop on my leash (well, not ON my leash casue that would be unrefined and I am NOT unrefined!) and that isn't so fun when you are used to complete freedom in the bathroom department if you know what I mean. I managed though.



The moms got me some new toys to play with in the car, and this was by far my favorite. I call her elephant, and I like to chew on her and hug her. Here I am sleeping with her nearby to me--keeping her safe of course.

Finally we arrived at grandma and grand pop's house. There I got to meet grandma first, since grand pop was out fishing in Canada-wherever that is. She was really nice and she pet me and loved all over me. Finally someone who fully appreciates my cuteness!! Then it happened--the moment I had been waiting for months for . . .





I got to meet my kid brother Riley. Here is is being silly. He and his sister Molly--who is really my aunt, and mom and dad will eventually be grand pop and grandma (sorta like a bad Kentucky soap opera!!) have been hanging out here for a few weeks. Well, now that I am here I can take charge. I have let them know their place--which is on the deck, and when they try and leave I herd them back. It's a good system I think--though I keep getting yelled at when I try and put their heads in my mouth. I don't know why, but for some reason that makes the people yell at me. They say I am a good babysitter though.

The kids found a plastic Folgers coffee can-kids these days are starting to drink coffee so much earlier then when I was a kid. This is a picture of me monitoring the situation. I like to be sure everyone is doing ok, and not getting into trouble. It is exhausting work. I was so tired last night that I slept until 6:30 this morning, which is REALLY 7:30 our old time . . .

They like to sleep under the grill-strange kids they are. This was this afternoon where I was making sure that they stayed out of trouble. Good thing they have me around--could you even imagine the kind of trouble they would get into without me. I have some big responsibility now--to be a good big sister and make sure they grow up to be just as perfect as ME!! I am sure you will hear more from mom about how this trip goes. She is getting all anxious and stuff about bringing Riley home-said something like maybe needing a tranquilizer for the way home. Not sure if that is for Riley, or for mom. Stay tuned!!

WOOF!!

Introducing Riley . . .

There's a lot to say today, but I am exhausted from two days of driving and meeting the new pups. I will leave you will a few pictures to entice you to come back and hear more.

Here he is hiding under the grill . . not so sure of what to make of the big woofy--Addie--that has come. He was used to ruling the roost and now he has to answer to his big sister!!

Oh so ready!!

I...can't...wait...to...go...on...vacation!!!

We leave soon, and the list of things we have to do seems to grow by the minute!! Tomorrow we will take Addie to daycare to play for a few hours, and then she will get a bath to smell pretty for meeting the new family.

SO much to do, so little time!!! I will blog I am sure while we are gone . . .but until then . . .


See YA!!

oh-and today at work they asked me if I minded going to a conference in San Diego . . .um, let's see . . .HECK no. I haven't been further west than Minnesota. I am very excited. we'll see if it really pans out. a paper we wrote got accepted to the American public health association and we have to do a 12 minute presentation. whoo hoo!

Garden Update

These are just some of the many many tomatoes we have gotten. The week before we left we had a ton of tomatoes and ate BLT sandwiches two nights in a row. One night we had a tomato that filled up the whole piece of bread. One slice was that big!! Seemed while we were away though that the tomatoes overpowered the cages they were in and the cages have started to buckle. One has even broken and we aren't very sure what will happen to that plant. Lessons for next time--only one plant per cage, get square cages, and leave more room in between. We also came home to one of these nasty ass bugs I blogged about before-and it had the larvae on it-made me want to puke. I didn't-but we did capture it and tied it up in a bag. Filthy bastard!


These are some of the peppers. These are the long ones-but we also have had bell peppers as well. We have been cutting and freezing these. We had picked some of these earlier in the season before they were ready, but realized that they needed to be much longer and larger before they were just right. Unfortunately dad's peppers didn't grow, so we hope to have some to bring to them when we leave on Thursday.






While I wish I could say that this is the pumpkin that was the size of my ass, I would be lying like a very large sac o' potatoes. But we did come home to find this growing in the mulch/weed/crap pile in the side of the house. There is another tiny one next to it as well. This is where we put the pumpkin plants that we pulled from the garden. Apparently it was real good at transplanting itself. I am a bit worried since this little guy is hanging from the middle of the fence. I hope once it gets larger that is can keep itself up--and that my woofy friend doesn't think of it a a snack!



Now this, my friends, is the very large one that scared the poopies nearly out of me. It is hard to see, but it is very large. It has started to turn orange, but it is very big. I think it is growing larger and larger by the day-- (but then after the way I ate this week, so is my ass). Maybe at the end we will take a side by side comparison for all you playing along at home. Seriously, can you just imagine not having any idea this thing was lurking and then -POW-there it is?





That's all for now folks. I will keep you posted as usual. Oh, the cukes continue to grow fast and furious, but none have been edible. Very bitter and yucky so far. Maybe the ground is just not right for them this year. It is only our first shot at this after all.

Darn these blasted Olympics . . .

i don't think i will sleep for the next week. i don't like that the Olympics are shown at night and i can't resist staying up to watch. It is 2:15 AM and i am still awake . . .wide awake . . .not one ounce of sleepy in me. i can't wait for gymnastics to start-though i am really sad that chellsie memmel is all but out--she worked very hard to get herself back in the game and now she has a sprained ankle . . .

DP is off babysitting tonight and i am so horrible as it is going to bed when she isn't here . . and now i have the Olympics to keep me up even more!

Sheesh . . .

BTW--how freaking cool was the opening ceremony with those tiles things. my dad and i were trying to see what was making them go-he thought people and i said surely it had to be hydraulics. nope, he was right. amazing!

Week's Round-up Rant

We are finally back from the autism conference. I have to say, a week is far too long to talk about one thing and one thing only--especially when you aren't entirely passionate about it. Now, if it were a conference about puppies, or gardens, or pottery, I could get into that. But by mid week we were done. We did have some great conversations with some work folks, and had some good eats and shopping excursions while out and about in the "big" town.

I have a few observations that I would like to share--I apologize in advance for the harshness of some of the things I am about to say . . .

1. I had noted that at this conference, and elsewhere in the world of autism, it has become very important for people to qualify the severity, or mildness of their child's autism. For instance, one could overhear hundreds of times at the conference "My son, who has high functioning autism" or "My daughter, who has aspergers" BLAH BLAH BLAH. Never once did I hear "My son, who is severely impaired" or "My daughter who is extremely limited". I bring this up for the mere fact that if I were a parent of a child who was severely affected by autism--of which there must be many-- I would have felt very lonely and left out of this large event. I find this is true not only here, but in other arenas as well when it comes to autism. No one wants to have the child who can't toilet themselves, who rocks in the corner most days, who cannot be reached. I feel so bad for these parents, and the lack of support they must feel from their own community.

2. On this same vein, there is such a divide between those who feel it is ok to medicate their children, and those who think it is a cardinal sin. Again, why must parents be made to feel guilty for trying to do something that will help their children. I sat in a session where people went head to head on this issue-and in the end I felt as if they'd all lost sight of what was most important. The children they speak so eloquently about wanting to help. It is not helpful to them if a parent chooses to withhold something that may be beneficial. I know that is my view, and I do have a right to it. But why would you continue to allow you child to be anxious to the point that they are hurting themselves and others, simply because you don't want to medicate them? I get that there are risks, and that it isn't for everyone--and I am in NO WAY advocating for a blanket mass medication of the autistics. But I am saying it shouldn't be ruled out as well.

3. There are parents who spend every last minute of every last day fighting so very hard to be sure their child has hours and hours a week of services. They view the professionals as people they must battle with-uncaring and horrible people. Yes, this was actually said by some that we as professionals are uncaring and lack professionalism and understanding--because if we cared, we would give into every whim of these parents, even if what they are asking for is not in the best interest of their child. More is not always better-and people, just because you want 60 hours a week of therapy for your child doesn't mean it will happen. Perhaps what you are looking for is a way to feel better about the circumstances you are in. Save the child from the mass quantities of therapy and get a counselor yourself. It will be better for both you and your child.
Again, I feel for the parents who are doing the best they can--who don't care to spend every waking moment fighting this-their child, their children's team, their programs. They recognize that there is balance in everything, but I imagine they could also feel bad that they aren't like those who are a bit more "passionate" about their cause.

4. Inclusion at any costs sucks-really really sucks. There are some parents who feel their child should be included with typical peers, even when it means they will miss out on more intensive therapies and work in a more specialized setting. For instance--this child doesn't have autism, but another disability. The child will be going into 4th grade this month, and is very limited. The parents have fought and fought for this child to be included in a regular classroom, and so they're are educated besides typically developing peers with an aide--who is constantly changing no doubt due to the intensity of this child and how difficult it must be. They also are quite behavioral and often require interventions to keep them on tasks that are distracting to the other children and not pleasant for them either. I would also venture to say that most times any kind of demand is placed on them, there is a behavioral outburst. This is not fair to the child-or the other children. I get that these parents feel this child SHOULD be included with their peers, but I wonder often how much further along the child would be had they had the opportunity for more intense attention to their needs. Transition planning starts at 14 in PA, which means that the focus of school turns to vocational training if a child is not really keeping up educationally. I just find it sad to think of what could have been if the parents even tried seeing how the child would have done in a more specialized setting. Would they be able to talk and communicate more? Would they be less frustrated by the demands that clearly cannot be managed in this setting? Would the child welcome the opportunity to slow down a bit and be with others like them? I don't know the answers--and clearly it is very easy for me to say all this from my post-not having a child in this situation. I have another family I know--they have a very healthy outlook on it all-- it seems, I guess I could be wrong also, but we have had very candid conversations about this. They recognize that it is what is in their child's best interest that is best. They are able to look at the needs from a variety of angles and make decisions that honor who that child is-right then and there--not who they wish that child was or could be ten years from now. But what will be in their best interest right now. It is refreshing, and I know not easy for them to deal with the pressures put on them from others who believe in inclusion at any cost. I say be included in other areas--church, community, libraries, parks. Give these kids a chance. Maybe for some that means inclusion in typical classrooms, maybe for some it is a more specialized setting. I don't have the answers, I just with we'd all get back to the core--the whole child.

I think that is it. Sorry that ended up being somewhat of a rant, but it is hard to watch sometimes. All these parents and professionals who have the power to move mountains, but because they can't agree on how to do, when to do it, and how often to do it--they end up spending so much energy on that, and forgetting what is most important. The child, and allowing that child to be a child-first and foremost.

I wish I had the magic wand to make this all better for these folks. But I don't. In the meantime, I will keep an open ear, and try and help them come to know what is right for their child, their family, and their hearts.

Things found in the garden

When we first started with the garden, I was a bit obsessive about weeding it. Now that the tomatoes are towering over my head, I can't get in there as much as I can. The other day we finally spotted some red tomatoes, and so I plowed through.

I was in there and started to pull some weeds. Now I can't stop at just one or two, and I end up going crazy. There I am, weeding along, and then I saw this large thing in the corner of the garden. I immediately jumped and felt my heart thumping wondering what kind of critter was in the garden with me. I went around the fence to see, and lo and behold I see a ginormous pumpkin the size of a small elephant.

How the heck did I miss this ginormous thing growing in the garden. I called DP and reported that there was a pumpkin growing in the garden that was as big as my ass. I don't think she believed me until she herself spotted the thing and saw just how big it was.

So focused on the weeds that I miss this. Sheesh.

Overheard at my parents house

**Background-my mother has charcots disease-which means that she has over the years gotten really funky, misshapen feet that she has no feeling in due to the neuropathy from diabetes. She has had an infection for the last year or so in her foot, and about three months ago they had to go in and drain in. The wound hasn't healed, and in an effort to help it, they agreed to put pig skin on it. Too weird for me, but ok. She has been waiting and today this is the conversation that was had. I will do my best to recreate it**

Beans- So what's happening with mom's foot?

Dad-The doctor is still waiting to hear-apparently it costs a lot of money, so they need to be sure it is really needed and such.

B-they're still using the skin, right?

D-yes.

B-huh, wonder what's taking them so long

D- we'll they're now going to use foreskin-since they said that would be better

DP-WOW, foreskin, huh. Wonder how that works.

D-she only needs to cover a small amount

B-i wonder why it is taking so long to get that from a pig

DP-so it's possible that she could have black skin on her foot?

D-I guess so.

B-I didn't know there were black pigs, much less black foreskin. I wonder how they get the foreskin off of a pig

DP-beans, they aren't talking about pigs anymore . . .

B-What? OH, OHHH, EWE . . . .

Then everyone thought it was really funny that I was still wondering how they got foreskins from pigs, when in fact they weren't talking about pigs anymore. I was a little slow on the uptake.

Guess you had to be there. It was really very . . .very funny. In re-reading this to DP to assure the accurateness of the re-creation, she has reacted with uproarious laughter again. Glad I could provide some laughs all around.

Autism, Autism, Autism

We are off tomorrow to the week long autism conference at Penn State. I went a few years ago as a presenter, but this year we are both just attending. Of course DP didn't register in time-like I clearly prompted her a million times to do--so hopefully she doesn't get stuck listening to something crappy all week. I thought it was a secret ploy to not have to leave the room and have her nose in a book all week, but she vehemently denies this!

Things have been ok. Addie is doing well, and seems to be adjusting well to a new food-simply duck and rice. Supposed to be good for dogs with IBD-which is what she probably has. We are so ready to meet Riley, and found out yesterday he weighs in at a hefty 15lbs. He is just 9 weeks old!

I am hanging in there-ready for a therapy break for a few weeks. I will see her once while we are back, and then not for a few weeks.

I had lunch today with the woman that I served with at Kid's Camp, and she was very cool with the whole gay thing. It was a very fun lunch! I am thankful that I pursued meeting with her despite my anxiety about how she would react.

Posting could be sparse over the next few weeks as we are away this week, come back for a few days, and then are off to Wisconsin for two weeks.

I have another post, but I will save it for tomorrow. Hope all is well in your corners!

I don't want to work . . .

. . . I wanna bang on the drum all day!

Things this week have been kinda hectic. Mostly because I have no focus and am SO ready for a vacation. We leave next Saturday for a conference for a week, then we come back for about 4 days and we're off to WI. We didn't get to go on vacation last year, and now I am ready.

I have been working on becoming a respite provider, and today I will start with a family. I actually know this child from the private work I did in grad school, but it is the first official time I will be doing this with her. She is good, and should be a fun time.

I got the thanks but no thanks letter from the big university I interviewed with. I am really ok with it, since it would have been a huge decision of what to do on a lot of levels if they had actually offered me the job. I did interview at a school for children with cerebral palsy, and that interview went really well. For the first time in a while, when I saw those kids I got really excited. Like those are the kinds of kids and place that I would like to be. There are some issues that would need to be addressed if they offered me that position--pay, the fact that they want someone part time for a little while then move to full time, etc. They were super nice folks, and I look forward to being called back for a second interview.

Therapy continues to go well-as well as getting a mental ass kicking can go. But I think it has been good. I am looking forward to a break, while trying not to shut down with one more week to go.

Well, I am off to walk to dog and get ready for my day. Hope all is well in your corners!

Addie's Corner- The lost Episode!

I was so traumatized I forgot that I had this post waiting. This was the pictures from the pool. I can't even talk about it . . .

Kid's Camp-Big Top

Hello All-

I have been very busy . . .playing with my princess computer and trying to figure out how to network the printer, wondering what's wrong with Addie now (one of her in-between toe areas is swollen), hearing about Riley and his trip to grandma and grandpa's house where he will live until we pick him up, and volunteering at our church's kids camp. This year it was a circus theme, and they went all out and made everything look like a circus-including a big inflatable elephant on top of the building.

They had over 900 kids this year, and for the first time I was able to work all three days. I had a group of 4th graders, and it was a lot of fun-and the kids seemed to really be into the message and asked great questions about god. The camp is very active-in and out of a variety of different game stations, inflatables, inside for message and singing, back outside for crafts and other fun activities. It was a neat experience. I even met a few other people in my church--which is rather large.

The lead teacher of our group suggested that I would be good at leading a group of kids, and after she said it a few times, I said "I can't". I didn't tell her why-that since I am gay I am not allowed to do that. Mostly since I was afraid she would think less of me . . .I know the church rules and I understand them, it is just hard sometimes. I told her I would talk to her more about it over coffee one day and she said she would like that. We'll see . . .

Overall it was a great experience, but I am TIRED!! I am baby sitting tonight, and I worked this morning, and then mowed the lawn in the 95 degree heat and immediately jumped in the neighbors pool.

I need a nap!

******************************************************

Addendum based on comments-->

Here's the deal-according to their policies--they do not allow folks to teach if they are in any kind of relationship/situation that is not in accordance to the bible teachings. For instance, if a man was living with a woman prior to marriage they would not be able to be a lead teacher. If they knew someone was in an active addition or whatever, they wouldn't be allowed to lead in a ministry position. So the same rules apply to me, I guess. I am not living in a way that is according to the bible, and therefore I cannot be a lead teacher of any kind, or head up any kind of ministry. I can be an assistant--which I do in various children's areas. This was talked about before the whole Brian sermon thing. I knew this before I invested myself in this church.

But see, I get that. And most of the time I am fine with that. Just at times when I am psyched up, and I know I have awesome gifts, and I want to use them--I just feel kinda slighted. They are not being unfair to just me--these were the ground rules coming in.

I know it sounds bad in the scheme of acceptance and toleration. But this church has been great for me, and they have supported me. Short of coming out and hanging a rainbow flag, they are there for me. My spirituality is very important to me, and having this place that I can go to and experience and foster this is an integral part of my life. This church has been so very good for me on many levels. I have been to other gay affirming churches that have done nothing for me. I guess there is compromise in everything.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything to who? To them about being gay? This was my choice when I started to really like the church. I had been kicked out of another church when I was younger for being gay, and I wanted the option to walk away of it was going to be a huge issue. I knew if I had been kicked out of another church, I would walk away forever. There is no bouncing back from that twice. That is why Brian's sermon recently through me for such a tailspin.

Not being able to teach is not a huge issue-just sometimes when I think about it too much . . .

I don't want to sound like I am bashing the church, because I am not. . .

I hope one day everyone will see that my sexuality is not something I have chosen, and that God has made me this way. I can either embrace that, or keep running. Quite frankly, my feet are tired of running. Unless God has other plans, for now I am who I am.

The princess inside

I have a secret that I have been hiding from all of you. The secret is . . . .

I have a little princess inside that is dying to get out. I first discovered this a few months ago when I was looking for a new sleepy time outfit. I usually like the shelf bra type of shirts or night shirts, but I was having a hard time finding one of those that would suffice. I settled for looking at TJ MAXX.

What I found there was a purple (which is my favorite color) nighty-sleepy-thing, that happened to have ever so slight little things on the bottom-I don't even know what they are called. They have layers-kind of, like two layers of little swishy fabric. Well, they have become known as my princess pajamas.

No, they don't have barbies or princesses on them--but if I twirl fast enough (which is hard to do at my age and stature, since any kind of twirling makes me want to hurl) you can see the little flowy part on the bottom flail out and it is very fun.

With that said, I was recently taxed with the burden of looking for a new laptop to replace mine that was dying-and in fact just turned itself off periodically--which was more often these days. We went to Best Buy to by father in law's birthday present, and lo and behold I see a laptop that catches my eye. Why would any old laptop catch my eye??

Well, this one happens to be a lovely cosmopolitan pink color!! It is not hot pink or really girly pink, but a nice metallic pink. We went home and thought about life with a pink computer would do to my reputation, and in the end I though it sounded great! We drove to Delaware the next day for some tax free shopping, and I am the proud new owner of the following cosmopolitan pink laptop.

I really like it so far. What I love most right now is the very similar feel it has to the ibook. I had one of those at my last job and I liked the feel and look of the newer keypads. It also has a slot right on it for an SD card, which means I can blog more often with pictures since I am not reliant on DP's computer for the camera hook up. I like the Vista so far as well, though I am sure I will find some things that are not good, for now I am thoroughly enjoying my princess computer.

Now won't it be a fun princess-y day when I work on my princess computer in my princess pj's???

Stick a fork in me, I am done!!

Addie's Corner Episode 4

Well, it seems as if I have a fan club. How cool am I??

Well, things around here have been exciting. The new routine of the moms getting up early hadn't worked out quite as planned, but we are back on track this morning. I forgot how to walk nicely with my leash and the moms got tough with me. Even my cute face didn't work. They say I am getting smarter with my training.

Guess what?? Last week at school we had to do an obstacle course and do commands--and the best part was the moms couldn't use any words. My mom put her hand up for us to go first--(which by the way was huge since she never volunteers for anything!! Go MOM!) We went up to the first obstacle and I did great for the whole thing. In fact, I think I did the best of all the dogs. I was so happy. I even got to go to the center of the circle and show off a bit. The moms were so happy they called grandpa right away and told them. See, I really am smart!!!

What else--OHHHH, big news on the little brother front. He gets to come home to grandpa's house a week earlier since he is doing so good and getting big and strong. You can read more about him here. The moms have officially chosen the red puppy, who will be named Riley. I think I am finally excited about this and can't wait to have someone to play with me ALL the time. I have so many things planned like frisbee, walking, running, chewing up stuff, er, I mean teaching him to not chew on stuff, playing with Casey . . . .

I have also been doing something sneaky which we don't want to tell moms about--but I have secretly been eating the pea plants that stick up over the fence. Yup, they are really good!!! SHHH, don't tell anyone, ok?


These flowers are so pretty that I thought I would pose by them. Check me out!!

WOOF!

One more thing . . .

We finally got our cable, and after a slight snafu, we have been blissfully provided with hours of entertainment courtesy of Comcast. I can now watch many episodes of random things on HBO, Showtime, the Green Channel--all on demand. I watched a few episodes of In Treatment the other day and am completely hooked.

It is amazing!!

I still think the Tivo was easier to work than the On demand, but I guess I will get used to. Now we don't have to spend money renting Big Love and the L word anymore.

Oh, the little things that bring joy to our lives.

Freaky Friday

Ok, so there's nothing really freaky about today, I just needed a title, and the creative juices are quite limited these days.

I have been around. Work was busy this week, as I had 4 new referrals and a bunch of meetings. I still haven't heard from the job I interviewed at, but that is ok. The more I think about it, the more I feel it wouldn't really be a good match--though it would be great place to work for, I think they want things I don't feel comfortable delivering-like research and things I don't have any clue about. I think I know I want to at least finish pursuing my clinical license which I wouldn't be able to do there. I am staying put until something better comes around. I still have two irons in the fire as possibilities, but I am just laying low.

I have been looking into being a respite care provider for special needs kids, and I have been going through the process to to this. Last night we had our home study, which while very informal, was a little daunting. At the end, we wondered how many people would allow their kids to come stay in a lesbian household. It will be interesting to see how that all pans out.

Therapy is still going very well, but hard. I am looking forward to a break when we go away in August. Enough said about that for now. I start the group for women with PCOS tomorrow and I am looking forward to that.

Meanwhile, DP and I found a very peculiar bug on our tomatoes today, and it looked something like this. Now, I implore you to google "horn worm" and look at the disgusting pictures that come up. Just looking for this picture was enough to make me want to vomit--especially the ones that have wasp larvae on them. GAG me now. I suppose at some point we will need to go out and search for more since they seem to be eating at our tomatoes. Filthy bastards . . .


On another note, we have these beautiful flowers growing in our backyard. I shall leave you with this image--one much more pleasing to the eye . . .

Addie's Corner-Episode 3

It is rainy over here in our parts, and that make playing outside even more fun. I get all muddy and stuff, and when I come in they dry me off with a big ol' towel. Moms moved the big thing with the TV in it today--something to do with getting cable . . .and I found a ball that I took outside with me. It was great fun. Mom ran over one of my other balls with the big loud lawnmower. Silly mommy.

Yesterday we tried to go on a walk twice, but it poured both times. The later one I was most excited about cause we were going to the big park and there are lots of yummy smells there, and even some dogs. But when we got there it rained rained rained on our heads.

Today I got something very special for a treat. The moms made these round fluffy things for breakfast and I got to have some. It was so yummy in my tummy, and I was even gentle about taking it from them. Sometimes I get very excited and I forget that I can't also eat their fingers!

There are some new pictures of my little brother that you should all look at--not that I am in any way shape or form agreeing to this business of a new puppy brother, but I might as well show you all how cute he is. Moms are looking at red collared boy, with blue collar being a second choice for now. I kinda can't wait to have someone I can play with. The cat hasn't been much fun to play with.

I should go. The front door is open, so I can look at all the cars going by and wait for the cable guy.




WOOF!

Therapy

I am on a blog roll today. I had actually wrote a few up last week and then forgot to post them. Silly beans.

I wanted to talk a little bit about what has been happening with therapy. Things have been very intense, but not in a way that I'd experienced them in the past. I really feel like shrinky-dink and I are making important headway on some big issues. As a result, last week, this week, and maybe the next few weeks I will go twice a week. This has been good, but I am mentally exhausted.

Some of the things that we have been tackling is the idea around forgiving myself for things that I have done, and recognizing what role, if any, I had in the things that have happened in my past. For the first time I am being truly candid about how I feel about things, and this has enriched the work that we are doing in major ways. Typically I spend so much energy filtering what I am saying for fear of being judged. Right now the thoughts, the words, the feelings, the experiences are flowing and we are going with it.

It is nice to work intensely and not have it necessarily be because I am in crisis. I am so thankful everyday for the medical coverage I have that allows me to see this wonderful woman, and to know that we are doing good work.

I will be starting to attend a group next week for women who have PCOS and eating issues. I will be very interested to see how that works for me. It is run by a nutritionist that I used to see, and another psychologist. The reason I am excited about this group, is many of the groups for PCOS have been centered around fertility issues, which is not necessarily my beef with the disorder. I just want to deal the weight issues associated with it, and learn how to manage the food/feeling connection a little better. I am very bitter about the fact that every time I put a carb in my mouth, I might as well tack a few pounds onto some part of my body. Clearly I still have some issues to iron out here.

Caroline over in her blog wrote so eloquently about some things that mirror the struggles I have. Check it out. I struggle a lot still to really be able to see what others see in me. For instance, I received a glowing recommendation letter last week from the head of the child development department at a local hospital (she and I work together). Well, I am reading this letter and I am like who in the heck is she talking about . . .clearly not me. To quote Caroline in her blog . . . "If you were to look at my insides I am sure they would be all black and blue from all the horrible things I say and do to myself." I wish I could see what others see. I am not sure where the blockage it, but it is imperative that I get to the root of it, cause it is killing me inside.

Comments

Ok, so I am noticing that people do different things with comments-and responding to comments. I typically haven't responded to comments, but I thought I might try it and see what happens.

Be sure to check back and maybe I will have had talked back to ya!!

Addie's Corner-Episode 2

Howdy there!

The past few week's excitement included a trip to a pool. Now I don't know who in their right mind thought that it would be a good idea to have dogs swim, but it sure as heck wasn't me. Mom's took me to a pool, and they dragged me in. See, they say they love me, and want what's best for me, but really they are out to get me. It wasn't fun--nope, not one bit of it. I was sure to let them know about my displeasure with sad puppy eyes all afternoon.

They say they won't take me back to that pool since the pool was disgusting, but that I will eventually have to swim again. Something about it being good for my hips.
We'll see about that . . .

My tummy had hurt last week and I threw up a few times. I am not sure why, but mom was nice and she cleaned my bed up for me and gave me lots of love. Mom "forgot" to feed me before her big meeting--which she looked really pretty for!!! When she came home, I got to have a snack of kibble and applesauce. It was yummy. I am feeling much better now.

We have all started a new routine. I finally convinced moms that they should get up with me really early in the morning to take me for a walk. Now I don't have to whine so much since they get right up and we go in the car and find a place to walk. Today they even jogged a little round and round and round they went. It was very funny to chase after their bottoms.

I helped them install an air conditioner today in the office. This means that we can blog some more since it won't be what mom calls an "oven" in the office anymore. I licked their legs and made them giggle when they were holding the big heavy box. Hehe

Well, I am off to chase the cat. She and I played a bit this morning before she got her claws out. Silly cat.

WOOF!