In memory of Toothy . . .

Droopy . . .Brownie . . .Toothy

We lost a little piggy this morning . . .Toothy was one of the three brothers we brought home from the guinea pig rescue--the one who dove off the table and broke all of his teeth off the first day we had him--thus the name Toothy. We had to hand feed him for a week or so until his teeth grew back. Now we just have Droopy left as we lost Brownie early on to sickness about a year and a half ago. I think after the Droopy goes we will not get any little critters for a while. We had a good run with these little guys and now we've got big Pups to deal with as well.

Just thought I would share.

Kid's Camp-Big Top

Hello All-

I have been very busy . . .playing with my princess computer and trying to figure out how to network the printer, wondering what's wrong with Addie now (one of her in-between toe areas is swollen), hearing about Riley and his trip to grandma and grandpa's house where he will live until we pick him up, and volunteering at our church's kids camp. This year it was a circus theme, and they went all out and made everything look like a circus-including a big inflatable elephant on top of the building.

They had over 900 kids this year, and for the first time I was able to work all three days. I had a group of 4th graders, and it was a lot of fun-and the kids seemed to really be into the message and asked great questions about god. The camp is very active-in and out of a variety of different game stations, inflatables, inside for message and singing, back outside for crafts and other fun activities. It was a neat experience. I even met a few other people in my church--which is rather large.

The lead teacher of our group suggested that I would be good at leading a group of kids, and after she said it a few times, I said "I can't". I didn't tell her why-that since I am gay I am not allowed to do that. Mostly since I was afraid she would think less of me . . .I know the church rules and I understand them, it is just hard sometimes. I told her I would talk to her more about it over coffee one day and she said she would like that. We'll see . . .

Overall it was a great experience, but I am TIRED!! I am baby sitting tonight, and I worked this morning, and then mowed the lawn in the 95 degree heat and immediately jumped in the neighbors pool.

I need a nap!

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Addendum based on comments-->

Here's the deal-according to their policies--they do not allow folks to teach if they are in any kind of relationship/situation that is not in accordance to the bible teachings. For instance, if a man was living with a woman prior to marriage they would not be able to be a lead teacher. If they knew someone was in an active addition or whatever, they wouldn't be allowed to lead in a ministry position. So the same rules apply to me, I guess. I am not living in a way that is according to the bible, and therefore I cannot be a lead teacher of any kind, or head up any kind of ministry. I can be an assistant--which I do in various children's areas. This was talked about before the whole Brian sermon thing. I knew this before I invested myself in this church.

But see, I get that. And most of the time I am fine with that. Just at times when I am psyched up, and I know I have awesome gifts, and I want to use them--I just feel kinda slighted. They are not being unfair to just me--these were the ground rules coming in.

I know it sounds bad in the scheme of acceptance and toleration. But this church has been great for me, and they have supported me. Short of coming out and hanging a rainbow flag, they are there for me. My spirituality is very important to me, and having this place that I can go to and experience and foster this is an integral part of my life. This church has been so very good for me on many levels. I have been to other gay affirming churches that have done nothing for me. I guess there is compromise in everything.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything to who? To them about being gay? This was my choice when I started to really like the church. I had been kicked out of another church when I was younger for being gay, and I wanted the option to walk away of it was going to be a huge issue. I knew if I had been kicked out of another church, I would walk away forever. There is no bouncing back from that twice. That is why Brian's sermon recently through me for such a tailspin.

Not being able to teach is not a huge issue-just sometimes when I think about it too much . . .

I don't want to sound like I am bashing the church, because I am not. . .

I hope one day everyone will see that my sexuality is not something I have chosen, and that God has made me this way. I can either embrace that, or keep running. Quite frankly, my feet are tired of running. Unless God has other plans, for now I am who I am.

Interview

I had my interview this morning . . .I think it went well. It is for a position managing a HUGE research project taking place in the large city nearby. It sounds like a crazy intense job with lots of fast paced tasks and projects, but I found myself really excited by the things they were describing.

First let me digress. When it is time to go Christmas shopping, and I have to go to the very large mall nearby, I go with the premise that if God wants me to be shopping that day, he will provide an adequate parking arrangement. If I get there and the parking sucks, I take it as a sign that I am not supposed to be there. What in the HECK does Christmas shopping and parking have to do with today? Well, I got to the building in the big city, and you would not believe it, but there was a parking space RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING!! How is that for knowing you are supposed to be someplace . . .I didn't get sweaty, and even found a bathroom to use before going up. We were already off to a swell start!!!

Ok, then I get there and I guess he had on his calendar that I was supposed to be meeting with him next Friday . . um, that's a holiday. He makes time to see me, though he send me with another research coordinator to talk for a bit before he can free me up to meet. She is very nice, and if I got the job, I would share an office with her. The job entails managing all aspects of this large project. I would deal with IRB stuff, families, schools, etc. All looking at services to children with autism. It sounds like a very high level job, and I am flattered that he contacted me about it. It would surely be a step up, and also a step in a new direction for me.

I have been working toward my clinical social work license, and it was made evident that there really wouldn't be the opportunity to do clinical work in this position, and in fact could damage the integrity of the project if I get too clinically involved. If offered the position, I would need to decide if abandoning clinical licensure right now is feasible as there are time lines that you have to have hours done by, and I already have about 1/3 of the hours needed. I need to do more research on how long I have to finish the mandated hours.

In any case, I felt they were very engaging, and they appeared to like what I have to say. They asked about my managerial style-as I would be supervising research assistants. Overall, it was good interview. The only sticking point was they want someone who can start right away--or they said if they found the right person they would maybe wait until August.

I have a vacation planned in August and besides probably having to take it with no pay, it sounds like it would be very bad timing. Though DP told me that if they wanted me bad enough, they would make it work. Even though I haven't been offered a job yet, I anticipate that leaving my current job will be challenging, especially if on shorter notice than I would like. Someone told me it has been a long time since someone left their job there. Some people have tried to resign, and they pulled strings to keep them there. We will see.

I guess that's all. I wanted to let all of you know that I had a helper today with this post. She was making sure I maintained the integrity of my post . . .take a look. Happy Friday!!

What I have been up to!

Well folks--I thought I should get around to writing since my readership is soaring, and there's no better time that in the sweltering heat of the day. Temperatures here today have topped out so far at 99 degrees, and that's just way too damn hot for me. I am just saying. I not one of those folks who waits all winter for warmer weather--I hate sweating and feeling sticky and yucky. I don't let anyone near me unless I am not sweaty and sticky, and that makes for a lot of time apart from those that I love in the heat.

In any case, I have some things to share from the archives of my brain. I am not feeling well today--could be a multitude of things--got my period (third month in a row--what the heck is up with that??), I am tired, it is hot, I am bored with my job, I don't know what to talk about in therapy today . . .see, any number of things. I came home early from work today and corralled all the critters in the bedroom for an air conditioned nap. It went well, though I can't say I feel better. I could also legitimately in fact have something wrong. Who knows.

OK, on to better things. I will, in true beanie fashion give you a bulleted update on my life over the last few weeks. Sit back, relax, keep all hands inside the vehicle . . .

Now, in no particular order . . .

1. We went kayaking yesterday which was so absolutely fun. I must have reiterated how much I loved kayaking about a million times throughout the day. Even after I fell out of the boat... I love kayaking. Yes, it's true. I fell out. I was trying to avoid an oncoming tree limb, and I thought rather than back paddle, I would just duck . . .well, that's easier thought than executed, see when you duck in a kayak you off center yourself and the next thing you know your loved ones are laughing at you, and more worried about the location of the water bottle I was carrying. In all seriousness, I was a lot calmer about the situation that one would have thought given my flare for the dramatic. A nice man came and helped get me back in--since said loved ones just looked at me from afar snickering ;)

2. SIL was visiting this weekend--well, she was herefor work and we were volunteering for the event, Quash-->Check it out. It was like a city wide scavenger hunt type thing. It was good fun, for a good organization. Heck, the rate my father is going I will need the services of the organization soon.

3. My sweet, dearest little friend K. and her sister were in their aunt's wedding last weekend and DP and I went to help out. They both just looked so precious, and I just love being around them-and their family. I am glad we could help out and make the day at least a little bit less stressful for all. K, by the way, is kicking that leukemia right out of her, and doing great. Some rocky times at points, but all in all she is holding her own and has managed to stay out of the hospital for a while now. Keep the prayers and thoughts going her way. Oh, and mom and dad might need some thoughts as they recently adopted two kittens for the girls.

4. Work has been work. Nothing terribly exciting. I have decided to start poking my head around to some other potential job opportunities. I was actually contacted by the director of a program at a major local university asking if I would be interested in applying for a senior research position. Not exactly what I was looking for, but has parts that are appealing. It is a grant funded position, but they have guaranteed funding for 4 years, and he told me that he has a great track record of getting funding. I have also sent my resume to the local children's hospital for consideration in their newly opened research center for autism. I am hoping they have something that will be more clinical than research, but I am open to something new. The idea of being able to take a train to work is really good right now. Took me $45 to fill up my Saturn today . . .too much.

5. We have started to go to obedience school with Addie. She had one session and I don't think she particularly likes the new schooling opportunity. We worked with her one night last week and she got herself all worked up that she threw up. We hope tomorrow will go well, though it is going to be hot as all get out again and the training takes place in this opened warehouse/garage thing. Luckily it is DP's turn to work with her. The class is 8 weeks and we will trade off each week on who actually handles her, and the other will watch.

6. We love our neighbors. They are just so nice and we couldn't ask for better ones--did I also mention that they have a pool? Yes, they do and they are very open to us using it whenever we want. I have to say though, their daughter came over Sunday and we had grand plans to use the pool, and she had to go be all up in it. The nerve. So we didn't go in. We did buy a wading pool for Addie--she seemed to like it-though we had to "help" her like it.

7. I saw James Taylor last weekend and it was fabulous. I went with one of my bestest friends, and we had a good time. She thought we had lawn seats, and we got there super early and scoped out a great seat. So then I am looking at the tickets again, and it turns out that we had actual seats and didn't know it. It was good fun. And guess what??? I am going again this weekend to see him at the Borgota in Atlantic City with our friend RHB . . .those seats are in the second row--SECOND ROW!!???!! I think I might pee myself being that close. The venue itself isn't that big-so I am very excited.

8. Weight loss update-->there is no weight loss. There was some gainage over the holiday weekend, but I am back to where I was before-which is still the lowest I have been. I have been trying to do better, but it just seems that I can never get it right. I will be starting to go to a PCOS support/therapy group starting in July which is run by a nutritionist that I used to see, and some therapist lady. It will be good I think to talk with others who have having food and PCOS issues.

9. I have a boy that is in love with me . . .he is 4 years old. He just loves me very very much, and asks for me a lot--so much so that he drives his mother crazy. He looks at me with googley eyes, and asks when I am going to come back. He is so stinking cute. His little sister is very advanced for her age. It is fun to be around typical kids sometimes--reminds me that not all kids are autistic and so needy.

Um, I guess that's is for right now. I hope all is well in your corners!!

Weekend to remember

Memorial Day weekend was great. We had a slight change in plans, which was a bummer, but it ended up working out. Turns out DP's cousin found out two weeks ago that he wasn't going to graduate, and he overdosed and tried to kill himself last Wednesday. Needless to say there was no graduation, and we scrambled to figure out what was going to happen since he was in a hospital about 2 hours from the place we were to be staying at--and we were determined to go away.

We rearranged our plans and ended up staying in Sawyer, Michigan near Warren Dunes State Park. Here are some photos from the park . . .

Her parents were already staying there Thursday night before heading to the other location, so they extended their stay and we drove over there. It was about an 11 hour drive both ways for us, for about 1.25 days with her family. Saturday we ended up meeting up with the other cousins and family at their hotel and hanging out. It was good that most everyone could still see each other and support each other. The young lad is doing ok, and it seemed he might be released today to the care of professionals closer to home.

While there, we went on a dune ride which was so totally cool. The driver was fabulous, and had been doing this for like 24 years. You could tell he loved what he did and enjoyed the people. Here are some photos from our ride . . .

This picture was from inside the park as well, and you can see this is a huge tree that a dune has covered up. It was amazing to see, since you thought you were looking at small trees in the sand--until he told you it was a large tree that a dune had encased.

Addie stayed with my parents, and she was sick as a dog. Her intestinal system was all out of whack, and she had runny bottom, and accidents in the house. Good thing my folks love animals, or I think should would have been out on the porch. She still isn't right and has started to vomit as well. We have decided that we will just put her back on the food that she did well with, and abandon the idea that she can eat the raw food kibble. I guess her tummy just can't handle it. The vomiting is new though, and we aren't quite sure what that is about. She has an appointment with the vet on Saturday, and we got the other food today. I just want her to be well. She is such an awesome dog, and it sucks that she has had it so rough.

I think I may have mentioned also that we had a birds nest with three eggs in it. Well, the eggs have hatched, and we saw one baby and wondered what happened to the others. We looked around and didn't see anything. Upon closer inspection today I saw one of the babies dangling from the rose bush--this is where mama has nested. I am not sure what to do about dangling baby bird (which is dead), since I don't want to get that close to the nest, but now that I see it there, I keep thinking of the poor thing. The one that we see that is alive is strangely cute, but that still leaves one missing baby. Mama is very attentive to the nest. Any ideas on what to do with the baby that didn't make it??

***UPDATE*** The neighbor has reported that he sorta kinda ran over a deadish baby bird with the lawn mower tonight. He saw it too late, but it was dead, and now it is recycled back to the earth . . .I guess. He said he noticed yesterday that there were large black birds circling around and squawking. He wondered if they hadn't raided the nest. On a happier note, I looked in there today (carefully avoiding the dangling birdie) and saw the very much alive bird with his head perched on the side of the nest just looking out--it was very cute- (though I secretly hoped that he didn't know his sibling was dangling below, and if he saw, I hoped he thought it was just bungee jumping for fun!)

In other news, the beans are coming up wonderfully, and DP planted the peppers and tomatoes that we got from dad. Seems we also have two stray pumpkin plants coming up . . .

OK, gotta run, puking puppy . . .

In Memory of Buster

This is Buster. Buster came to live with me and my family on February 14, 1992. I was a freshman in high school, and my brother and his girlfriend at the time brought her home on an impromptu trip to the SPCA. They no sooner dropped her off at my parents house, and then they left. Sure, they tried to take care of her, but they really didn't care much, and he was a senior in high school--read--> wasn't very responsible. Well, much to our surprise, Buster was a fabulous puppy--after the initial getting to know you time. She was small when we got her, and she and I bonded very quickly.

This was also around the time when things at home were crappy, and Buster and I were inseparable. We went for walks when the shit hit the fan, or when I needed a break. We slept together each night. She was my shoulder to cry on a great deal of the time. I remember one time I was taking Buster to obedience school, and we were stuffed into this small car, and Buster was farting up a storm. It was awful-we had the windows down and it was snowing out . . .it was funny!

Well, I moved to college in the summer of 1995, and Buster stayed with mom and dad. They loved that dog to pieces. She learned how to lick my dad's feet-which I personally think is SERIOUSLY gross-but the dog we had before taught her how to do that and she carried on the tradition. She was known to give you big, sloppy, wet kisses right after slurping from the water bowl. Mom used to say "cleanliness is next to godliness" when she would do that.

Buster has been going down hill for a while. She had many health problems including renal failure, hearing loss, and sometimes the inability to walk. Whenever I had seen her the last two years or so, I would encourage her to "go toward the light". I also made sure to nudge my mom about how she needed to let her go before she was in too much pain.

On Friday afternoon, my mom decided it was time. Buster had been having problems getting up, and finally she was unable to move her back legs and tail. Mom called the vet's office and they came to the house and put her to sleep with mom and dad there. Mom couldn't even call us-but she sent an email.

Now, my mother-for all of her faults-is an animal lover to the CORE. I am glad that I have gotten this trait from her. Her dogs were treated better than I was at times--but that is a whole other session ;) She was very saddened by this, but when I talked with her today, she stated that she doesn't feel as bad as she thought, since she knew it was time.

We saw Buster two weeks ago, and got some photos her and Addie. Take a look.

Have fun up there ole girl. We will all miss you very much.

Unacceptable working conditions

Hello . . .It finally snowed some. Nothing major, but I will take it. It looked nice out there all white and fluffy. Except it wasn't . . it was the heavy, water logged snow. Oh well. I shoveled my driveway for the first time and it was good.

Now, onto better things. So as you know by now, some days I work at home. We have a room that we use as an office. DP and I both have a desk with computers and the like. It is a good space. Well, you see, the cat also feels as if the desk is hers. I wanted to give you an idea of what I end up contending with-like right now she is sitting to the right of the keyboard trying to rest her head on my typing fingers . . .this is difficult. These are unacceptable working conditions.
At times you will see her like this:
Restraining my arm . . .

Checking over my work and making comments about content . . .

Clearly not respecting my space . . .see the work out on the desk . . she doesn't see the work apparently . . .

Just lounging . . .in the way . . .

Oh well. She is very cute, and I know she loves me . . or the warm laptop I work on . . .either way. I thought I would share some pictures with you and show you what I deal with when I am on my computer trying to work!!

Hope everyone is well-