Christmas time is here . . .Almost!

Well my day today so far has been excruciatingly boring, so I thought I would take some time to write to my fine following!! We had 13 inches of snow this weekend, and I am sure glad it happened over a weekend, as I would have likely have had to come to work if it weren't. Other folks in the Philly area got 23 inches of snow. Holy Crap that is a lot of snow. I am so glad that we decided to go in on a snow blower with our neighbors last year. It sure did come in handy and reduced our shoveling time by a LOT! See Riley not enjoying the blizzard condition!

This Christmas we will be at my folk’s house, and that should be ok. I have significantly limited the amount of time I have been spending there the last two months, so I am hoping for a good holiday. We will only be there 12/24-12/26. DP's sister is coming in from Minneapolis on Saturday--which also happens to be my birthday! She will be here for a week and that will be fun. We don’t have a ton planned, and I only work three days that week. This week I only work today and tomorrow!!!!

We have had lots of household plans to think about, the latest of which is whether or not to carpet the upstairs. There is hardwood up there now, but it is in bad shaped, and you can tell it was carpeted before. Perhaps they pulled it up to sell it. In any case, it is just getting annoying to see if looking so bad, and splintering our feet. Also, Addie's hips have been causing her more problems and so that is the only area of the house that is not carpeted with a rug. Since we can't afford to refinish/replace the wood, we decided to get carpet just in the upstairs, and a runner down the stairs. Hopefully this will help until we can afford to fix the floors properly--in like 10 years!! We posted on facebook that we were thinking of doing this, and who the hell knew people were such carpet haters!! I guess I understand if you have kids and pups in a high traffic area, but we figure in the bedroom and stairs we should be ok. AT least that's what we are telling ourselves. At the end of the day it is our house and we will decide . . .I think they will be measuring today and hopefully we can get it by next week.

We also had a contractor come out to let us know about a bunch of small things we need to get done--all things my brother or father in law could do, but seeing as how they all live so damn far away, we went to the next best thing. A friend's father!! I wish owning an old home didn't cost so much money! Oh well, we love our home and will do what we can, when we can.

Speaking of our home, we are having a birthday party for it in January. Our house will be 100 years old and we are taking the opportunity to have some folks over and celebrate. We were thinking of getting tiles and having folks decorate them and then we could make it into a table or something. We also thought the house would like to take a collection for a new stove. Ours is pretty bad, and we thought instead of having folks bring other stuff, we would just do that . . .hope that isn't tacky . . .

I guess that's it for now. I should get back to work. Or back to reading old leadership notes from 4 years ago. Really, I am bored and there's not much to do today. I have some meetings this afternoon, so that will be good. I will be taking on a new position as of January, so I suppose I oughta enjoy the quiet now!!
Hope you are all well in your corners!

Vacation

I am on vacation in a few days and it cannot come soon enough. This summer has been hellacious with work and the extra work we took on. It was clearly a lot to do and we are feeling the stress of not having any free time to really be with each other and not worry so much about not having any free time. We have managed to make use of our season tickets to the waterpark, but even that has been a lot with driving up there and having to then see my folks. . . usually all in one day becasue the nexty day we are working.

Things have been generally ok. I have been feeling very tired in the afternoons lately, and this has lead to checking in with the sleep study folks to see what might be happening with my sleep. I went for the first test and they said that even though the apneas were WAY better than last time five years ago, there's still enough present to make them want me to have a mask. He says if I keep losing weight it is likely that I won’t need it at all soon. I go back in a few weeks to have the second study done. I think the doc will also check me for Lymes as we have had many folks at work get it, and Addie was recently diagnosed with it as well.

I also had to start taking blood pressure medication. Now, I have had issues with medications since before when I was on too many psychotropics to keep track of. When I was finally able to come off of all meds a few years ago I sort of went the other way in that I don't want to take ANYTHING!!! But alas my BP had been a little high--like 130's/90's . . .for a while and she thought that since everyone else in my fam had high BP that it just might be a genetic thing. I canceled a few appts with her because I didn't want to discuss the issue. Then my bro who went on them a few years ago lost 40lbs and he has been able to come off of all of them. I am now taking a small dose of something or other and it seems to have given me an acceptable blood pressure for now. Cholesterol is excellent, so I guess that is good.

I am hanging in there with the weight loss. It has been so slow and up and down a few lbs on any given week. I am hoping the two weeks with DP's folks will help stabilize things as we generally eat very well there and walk a lot. I haven't gained and feel good that at least I am maintaining. I need to kick up the working out, but see paragraph one about not having time for anything and being very tired in the afternoons. I would like to try and see if I can find a place that I can do water aerobics. I think that would be great fun!

The pups are good, though Riley had a fight with his BFF Buergi this past week and since then they have been unable to be together. It is time for the big snip, and he will have that done while we are in Wisconsin. Folks have said we should be glad that they got along so well this long as they are both intact males-->NOT FOR LONG! Addie is as precious as ever and we have finally found the trick to her bowels and that means she can be on the same food as her brother and she is doing great. She has so much energy in the morning and we are convinced she has some boxer in her casue when she gets excited her puppy paws go flying!!! It is very cute--except when you are taking her up to the kennel with a full bucket of water and she runs into you--this has happened a few times and it has made for a less than happy mama!

Work has been ok. New exciting prospects on the horizon, which I won't get into until I hear something for sure. Let's just say that it would be a big deal and would require me to wear more fancy pants clothing on a regular basis . . . Doing a lot of respite care . . .glad I can be helpful to families and the kids.

Family stuff has been interesting. We have been having a lot of discussions, heated debates, and tears over future planning for my brother. The good thing is that we seem to be on the right road as far as some things my folks needed to see. Like being more accurate on his yearly plan about what he could and couldn't do. Little things like that are going far to have my folks trust me a bit more. We have also planned a trip to TX to see other bro in October and will be there for his birthday. We are all very excited and this will be DP's first trip to see the place in TX. Little Tyke starts kindergarten next week . .where does the time go. I can still remember leaving my job the day we got the call that we was being born and now he's trotting off to school and my bro is on the PTA!!!!! WHAT???

OK, well, I should get back to work. Hope this keeps you guys hanging in there with me. I am sure I will have lot of adventures to share from vacation and the time to share them! I even bought a few books yesterday to take with me!!!

Hope all is well in your corners! See you soon!!!

So much going on

1. Went to my first prom--at work they have a prom for the kids. this one guy who is such a mess-i mean his family is a mess, involved with the local children and youth . .i am working so hard with them to get them in home help--he is a day student--well, dad said they weren't coming because they didn't have transportation . . .i vowed to find a way next year to get him there . . .wouldn't you know about 45 minutes in he shows up with his whole family . . .I just about cried. if i wasn't in a room full of people i think i might have. the resilience of families amazes me sometimes. now, if he misses the evaluation i set up for him on Friday again, i might have to go postal . . .

2. Meeting Miss Daily this week and am very excited . . .

3. Got season passes to local water park by my folks . . .I think my mom is sucking up as she is being very nice and I know this sounds weird, but it feels kinda uncomfortable . . .not sure what to do with that.

4. Therapy is kicking my ass. not much more to say other than the fact that sitting still is harder than i ever could have imagined. the journaling thing has been going well and she is being much more strict with me and not letting me get away with shit. good stuff.

5. work changed out insurance coverage and i am afraid i will not qualify as seriously mentally ill anymore--not that this would be bad, but the amount of visits you get with the therapist if you are normal is not a lot. i used to qualify no problem for SMI but we are worried they might question how SMI i could be and not take any meds . . .

6. will have to decide in a few weeks with my doc if i need to take blood pressure medication which is such a bummer for me. she said that even though i was getting healthier, the fact remains that everyone in my family has high BP and it just may be a genetic thing. frustrating though when you are finally on the right track and losing weight.

7. I am up to 20.8 lbs lost . . .this week i think period is coming and i have been a bottomless pit today, but i am trying to be ok with that. got a fancy schmancy pedometer which keeps me motivated!

8. Everything is in the garden now, though something has scurried away with the tops of three of our tomato plants and two whole pepper plants . . .i am pissed . . .don't mess with me and my garden damn it!

9. KAYAKING tomorrow and I am so damn excited I can hardly stand it!!

How is everyone???

Update -Part II

So where were we?

We had my parents crazy dog, Princess for a few weeks while they were in TX visiting my brother and Little Tyke--who I will soon need to rename since he is 5 already . . .damn . . .where did time go?














Here he is when he visited us a few months ago . . .
He was so happy that he could finally sit still long enough to be friends with the cat. He has been pursuing that thing since he was a baby and never has he been able to control himself. While the family was in TX, mom had to go to the hospital since she overdosed on the wrong insulin and that was just bad. They take such poor care of themselves and it is seriously hard to watch. I am working hard at realizing that I need to just love them for who they are . . .are realize that I probably won't get what I need from them . . .that is really hard.

I will give an update on the kids in yet another post!

We've been doing a bunch of kid sitting and respite to earn some extra money. We keep trying to be serious about saving money and paying down debt, and then we don't. We recently bought a new car--a 2009 Subaru Forester which I LOVE LOVE LOVE. I have never had a new car, and we knew we'd be getting one this summer anyways. Subaru was having a deal, and we went and looked and liked. We used our Costco card and got a killer discount as well. Though we had to go to Lancaster to get it, and one Beans should NEVER go to Lancaster when she has to pay attention. I am SOOOOO over focused on the buggies--to the point where I nearly crashed my new baby whilst looking at a buggy fest happening in a field next to the road. I swear one day you will see that I have accidently run over a small Amish army with my curiosity. In any case, I love not having to fall to the floor to get in my car, and having to hoist myself getting out of the Saturn.

What else . . .the stink bugs have returned, and we must flush about 20 of them a day. I wish to the good lord of bugs to take back his army and leave me the hell alone.

In other news, we have finally decided to have lawn people come to help us with the mud pit. We signed up for a 6 month treatment which include fertilizing, de-grubbing, seeding in the fall and some other things. The price was reasonable and I think DP agreed to shut me the heck up. Either way, bring on the grass.

I guess that's it for now. We are heading to mom and dad's for the holiday. Hopefully we'll see some friends on Saturday night. I have an appointment with a foot guy on Monday. Foot felt horrible the last few days . . .today perfect. I hate the not knowing what kind of foot day it will be. I guess it could be worse.

Hope you all have a good time celebrating whatever it is that you celebrate!

My update . . .

Ok, so I haven't officially fallen off the blogesphere, but I sure was close. Thanks to Lyn and Daisy for bringing me back to my senses. So, you may be asking yourself what on EARTH has that girl been up to . . .well, I am about to tell you, so hang on tight!

For starters I started my new job in January, and it is great. I mean, I finally feel like I love what I do, I am making a difference, and it is the right balance of having time to do my work, and to see co-workers, families, and kids. There's a group of us that has lunch together most days and it is nice to laugh and to know there are other folks out there doing similar things and experiencing similar struggles. This also means, of course, that I am actually GOING to work each day, and that took some adjusting, and still is a lot. I don't expect any sympathy, I am just sayin . . .also at work, we have had two kids die in the last month or so, and that has been extremely difficult.

Chronic pain . . .never thought if it really, until I realized that on any given day I was in enough pain to put me at a 6-7 on a scale of 1-10. It has taken a lot to work through the pain in my heel, and just in the last few weeks my other heel has decided that it wanted to hurt as well. Just walking to the other side of the room has been excruciating. I had to switch insurance companies when I changed jobs, and now the insurance I have doesn't allow me to see the guy I was seeing for a while without paying a LOT of money. I went to my family doc to get a referral for another foot guy, and she also gave me an anti inflammatory and a pain pill. I took the pain pill the first couple of nights last week, and it was enough to zonk me out, but not sleep at night so I had a few somewhat sleepless nights. However, the anti-inflammatory on the other hand has been amazing. So much so that there have been some parts of the day that I have little to no pain what-so-ever. I will still make an appointment to see the orthopedist, but I am glad to have some pain free time. Doc told me she was shocked at how flat my feet are and wonder if that doesn't have a significant impact on how I feel and my feet.

Speaking of how I feel, DP and I have been doing weight watchers, and I am down about 11.5 lbs in three weeks. The progress has been slow, but steady and I feel like we are on a much more manageable plan. In the past I have done extreme things and they lasted for a while, or I became totally obsessed. Right now there's a balance between eating well, and having some yummy stuff once in a while. We have been experimenting with different grocery stores in the area, including Trader Joes, Whole Foods, and other generic stores. We've always gone to the others at times, but we have been rotating and it is keeping things interesting.

Well, there's more, but I need to eat . . .stay tuned for some more tomorrow.

Hope all if well in your corners.

I would walk 500 miles . .

It is always something. I am not sure if this is just my lot in life, but if it is, i want a refund.

Let me back up. Last weekend was the most fantastical weekend I have had in a long time. My brother and little tyke were here, and the visit couldn't have gone any better. I am amazed these days at how far i have come with this relationship--from absolutely hating this person, to not even thinking about what happened, and just loving the brother that i now have. i talked about this in therapy the other night, and it still just blows me away to see where i have come from. makes me feel like there is hope on some of the other issues--perhaps forgiving myself will have great results like this as well. . .but i am way off on that one. They left Monday and it was sad to see them go.

we drove up to my folks on Saturday to surprise them and boy were they shocked. they had no idea bro and little tyke were in town, and i think the visit went well.

Then on Monday i found out a resident passed away at work and it was just a long week trying to figure out what my role was-- and having my supervisor and i basically disagree about what my role should be. she is not a social worker, but a behaviorist, and felt that my offering to help staff was counter to what i should be doing, and not appropriate. she doesn't want me blurring those lines with staff and counseling them. while i get that the social workers before me set up a poor boundary with staff, i felt that offering to help staff during this crisis would not only be part of my job, but welcomed--all the while recognizing that i would be supporting staff, not counseling them--we both debated the difference and she didn't seem like there was one. other people felt it sure was nice of me to offer to help staff through this hard time. The guy died quite traumatically, and everyone was in a hard space. even though i knew him and his family, i didn't know them THAT well. but whenever one of the guys dies, i always think about my own brother.

who is apparently not doing well health wise, and my parents still won't deal with his weight issues . . .i think sometimes they want him to die so they won't have to worry about what will happen to him. how else could you know that your child's heart would give at any moment and still not work on it--or even look like you are working on it. very very very frustrating!! maybe if i just start telling myself he will die soon will make it hurt less when it does.

then on Tuesday i decided that i needed to go to the doctor to see about my foot-which wasn't getting any better. i had been hobbling for few weeks. to recap for those who are new, i sprained my ankle two Decembers ago, and during that i tore a bit of my Achilles. i rehabbed it, got better, and periodically would have a few days where it would hurt and then it would get better. the doc said that the torn part probably is getting caught in the joint and making it hurt. i probably need surgery, but it is a long, painful surgery and rehab and i just don't have time for that. so i see the doc again and he takes more xrays and says now i have the added bonus of having a heel spur and a haglands deformity--which looks just like another spur type thing. he thinks the best thing is a cam walker--which is a giant black boot-to rest it so the inflammation goes down. i really like this doc, but since my insurance will be changing on 3/1, he no longer will be able to see me. i know i am fortunate to have medical coverage at all, but i am mourning the loss of my super duper insurance from the old place. i still have it until the end of the month, but then i go to a lower coverage and have to deal with referrals and the like.

who knows where this will end up. it still hurts in the boot, hurts out of the boot. i don't know. i am driving two footed, and i know that isn't the best, but it isn't like i can just stop life--that's not an option right now. i don't have disability benefits until i am there a year.

ok, i am done. went to church today and they talked about their trip to kenya and i am psyched and thinking seriously about whether or not going to kenya in 2010 would be in the cards for me--which i know is a ridiculous thought given my current health status . . . .

went shopping today and apparently the world has been rid of khaki pants, and no one sent me the memo. i am in desperate need of khaki pants and they are no where to be found. i did get a few things--OHHHHH, and went to this super cool plus size boutique last week and got some really neato things. i tried on a million things, and i felt good knowing that the women there would say things looked great on me, and equally they would let me know when things looked not so good. i ended up buying some staple pieces that i can wear with other things, and some super cute things that i was able to preview this week at work. i spent a lot of money on clothes--which is always hard for me, and DP likes to tease me about how much i spent. it was a lot, but i felt cute which rarely happens.

spent Friday night at my folks cleaning out crap again. i was far more grumpy this time than last, but i think it had more to do with me being in pain then my mother being particularly irritating-though she had plenty of that in her too. they are coming to our house next Sunday, and leave for Texas Monday for a month to see my brother. they are excited, but haven't flown in forever and are very worried about all the logistics. i am too, then i remember i don't have to be worried cause they are grown up and can worry about themselves. oh, and did i mention that we will have their dog for the month?? and that their dog is slightly "off" . . weird ass dog if i have ever seen one. should be interesting. we think she will either get better, or die of anxiety.

what else .. .the kids are good. rainy and snowy today so there is mud--BUT GUESS WHAT?? we have hired a lawn care man and he says our lawn isn't the worst he has seen, and he can help. it was a really decent deal and we are waiting to sign on the dotted line.

YEAH--maybe no more mud puddles at some point in the future. i was already prepped that it will take time, but i am ok with that!

ok, i gotta jet since the light in the room had faded, and i am about to lose all my battery juice. hope all is well in your parts of the world.

And we're off . .almost

Tomorrow morning we leave for Wisconsin. We hear it is very cold there, and should make it all the way up to 6 degrees tomorrow when we arrive. This used to be a problem when I was reluctant to wear my winter coat. Mostly because I hated to sit down in my jacket as it would all push up and I would have a big bulge to deal with.

Well friends, I discovered something that apparently EVERYONE else in the world has known for years except me. Did YOU know that the double zipper on jackets was for you to zip UP in order to sit down? I never knew this, and since this discovery a few days ago my life has been transformed. I am no longer resistant to wear my winter coat. The cold weather is much more manageable now!

What else . . .I have been working a lot. I gave my official notice last Friday . . .and I have been doing a few hours each week at the new job in order to overlap with the current social workers. It has been good, but makes for long weeks.

I have a post inside of my head about being a social worker during the holiday season. Perhaps on Tuesday I will get that one out. Don't hold your breathe!!

If I am not back before the holiday, I wish all 4 of you a very happy, healthy, wondiferous holiday and new year.

Oh, in other news I will be another year older in a few days as well, and I am hoping old-agehood is good to me! Happy Birthday to me!

Hope all is well, and WARM in your parts.

Oh what a week . . .

What a busy week. Surgery, turkey, family, hooligan puppies . . .

Sheesh. I should have more to say, but right now I am tired and need to be ready to go to work tomorrow. I started again today, but worked at home.

I need to get used to going back to an office daily . .more about that later.

Hope you are all well and had a great holiday. I had the last of the leftovers today and they were yummy-licious!

Update-how's that for creative!`

Ok, so here goes-

1. I am still not feeling all that great, though I am a bit better. Surgery is scheduled for Monday afternoon, and should be a go unless I deteriorate quickly which is not likely. My parents are coming in tomorrow as the surgery is scheduled for the same time that I was to be at the airport getting my brother off the plane from his visit to see my other brother. DP will now go get him, and dad will go with me to the hospital. Having my parents here will be its own kind of stress, but they are fairly good caretakers in these types of situations . . .though if mom calls one more time to ask about food I will have to scream. Mom said she didn't want me to be stressed about the menu like I was last Christmas, and I reminded her that I wasn't stressed about it, but her daily calls to check on what we were having, what the plans were, was the shopping done . . .THAT is what was stressful! I told her this past week that I would have her a menu by this weekend, and she promptly called Wednesday and told me I had taken too long and she informed me of what the plan would be . . .hello, NOT THE WEEKEND MOTHER! Oh well. I am glad they are coming to help out. They were supposed to come Tuesday anyways, and they will leave Saturday.

2. As you may or may not know, I am currently working as a social worker in a grant funded position which was originally set to end funding in June, but they got an extension until the end of January. I have been wondering what was going to happen with me and a job as of January, and we met before my trip to San Diego and we agreed that I would start worrying at the end of November. Fast forward to last week when a friend that works at a place that I worked at for 6 years called and said there was a social work position available in their school and would I be interested in interviewing for it.

Now, a little background about this place. It is a residential facility and a school for children and adults who have autism, traumatic brain injury, developmental disabilities, etc. I started working there in 2000 and worked my way up in the course of 6 years. I was very well respected there, and left a very good impression on them. I enjoyed my time there, though at the end the last position I had was a bit rough-but I think that was because the program I was in was in its infancy and there was a lot of kinks to work out. Then I had to finish my masters and then there wasn't an appropriate position for me and I left. DP continued to work there for a bit after I left, and then she too left. Every time I went back, I would be constantly stopped by staff to ask how I was and to chat with me.

I went for an interview on Wednesday, and they offered me the job at the end asking me to let them know by Friday what I was going to do. I would be working in the school as a social worker--a lot of transition planning and family counseling. The money is good, and the hours would be 8-4 ish . . .no on call, no weekends unless I need to meet with visiting families. It is 16 minutes from my house, and in the middle of the country with horses and I can bring the dog. Yeah, this is a place where the two top in charge have dogs running around and it is not uncommon for dogs to be in classrooms and offices. I suggested they start a doggie day care and the vocational rooms could help run it and the CEO said that was a great idea . . .we'll see.

In any case, I accepted the position and will start full time in the middle of January. I then had to talk to my current supervisor about it-who started this whole thing when last Monday I asked her--"So, If a job happens to come my way, what would you suggest?" She told me that I should look into it. I took that as permission and reassurance that they really had nothing for me after January. She took the news well, and asked me if I would stay on as a contractor to keep the program going on a night/weekend basis for 8 hours a week. I will probably do this so at least I can still help out, and it is extra money for me.

I am excited about the opportunities that this new job can have. DP asked me if I was sorry that I took the job I have now, and I said absolutely NOT. I have learned so much in this job that I wouldn't trade for anything. I remember being so scared about doing home visits and working in the city with the population that I do, and now I am honored to have been in this situation. It will all be helpful--especially if they move me to the Director of Social Services role, which they talked about happening. Right now I would be the only SW so being a director now would be pointless, but they are looking to bring in a part time SW for the adults.

All very exciting. I am definitely feeling better knowing that I will have a steady job lined up, and that while the job itself will be new, the people there really respect me and are so glad to have me coming back.

I should get going--we have a very long list of things to do today, and a puppy play date at 1pm. What fun!

Oh, the weather outisde is . . .

BEAUTIFUL!! I want to live in a place where it is this temperature all the TIME!

The best is when I can wear shorts and a long sleeve shirt. I am happy as a clam when it is like that. When I don't sweat before I even step out of the shower . . .

Ok, so Lynilu has called me out, and I am here to give an update! Wish I could make it as exciting as Amy Poehler in SNL, but you will have to deal with just me . . .

Work has been good. I had a very important meeting today with a local educational place to try and sell myself and my program to them as a contract service. I felt really confident and I presented myself very well. I recognize that if they choose not to go with it, it has nothing to do with me myself--it has to do with them as a program. Important distinction!!! Made me realize how far I have come--and that I am going to be ok. My grant ends the end of January, and without promise of additional funds I will be unemployed. I am ok with that. I am working as hard as I can to be in a position to have other options for myself.

School is going--I am less excited about spending the amount of money I am to take this class, but it is a means to an end. I had to email the professor the other day as we discussed a case and the class kept talking about how crazy this family was, and how crazy the mom was. I couldn't believe that in a school of social work that she would allow such things to be said. I somewhat firmly believe that we are what we think--so if we think that people are crazy and view them that way, then are we really giving them a chance at being anything different? I recognize we all need to blow off steam, especially in this field, but I was feeling that was just not cool. Tonight we were talking about self injury, and people were being stupid with their comments--and I finally couldn't take any more and I raised my hand and I told them that I was a person who used to cut and do those things, and I am not weird--ok, well, maybe I am weird--but you know. Several people came to me afterwards and thanked me for putting a real face on the issue. Damn, and these people are going to be social workers . . .

The kids are good. Riley is growing like a weed, and Addie is holding her own. I have embraced the use of the outdoor kennel, and we haven't been issued a warning from animal control that our dogs are being a menace, so I assume they are behaving when we are gone. We put straw in their houses, and they both seem to like the kennel. Riley has started a new training place due to scheduling conflicts with the other place. He is really smart--even more so than his sister I feel. We won't tell her though.

My brother in Houston still has no power, though their house was mostly spared any damage. I think they have a few windows that need to be replaced, but other than that they are ok. I am going to visit them next month, and I sure hope they have electricity by then!! Not too much to ask. I am going to visit after I go to San Diego for work. It is quite a sacrifice I am making to go to CA for three days to present for 12 minutes. They asked me at work if I would mind going for them . . .um, let me think about it . . .NO!!! I am really excited and scared at the same time, but that's another post.

I hate--dislike very much-Jenny McCarthy . . .

Weird sightings today--a man on the corner of a major intersection doing crunches on the ground . . .mid day . . .just on the ground doing crunches.

Ok, no more. I have had to draw a line in the sand and cut back on some things. I realized that I was out most nights of the week and so I have had to allocate one night a week that I am home, nothing to do but watch TV in my pj's. I have cut back on my women's hometeam group and will only go every other week when I don't have my social work supervision group. That frees up one night a week. Important self care that is hard for me to do . . .growing all the time . . .

There you go . . .I will try and be slightly more regular in my attendance!

In the doghouse

I should be in the doghouse for not writing . . but alas here I am.

This weekend has been hot as heck, especially today. We went swimming in the neighbors pool that was only half full since he was draining it . . .we were desperate.

Today we built the doghouses that we got for the pups. They are these cute log cabin looking things--I know we are dorky, but we're like that. We also put the kennel flooring in-and we left a space for them to take care of their business. Looks nice. I took some photos and will update this soon with lovely photos of the kennel-I think Riley even posed in one of them.

Not much else going on. . .went back to church today for the first time in like a month and it felt good to be back and see some of my people.

Tomorrow it is back to work, and another busy week. Maybe it will be cooler and I can be less cranky . . .right now we are watching Catch and Release . . .cute so far.

Until next time-

**Update with Pictures**


OK, so here you can see the semi close up shot of the kennel with the two houses and the flooring. Watch, they will both try and cram into on of the houses. We got them from Petsmart.com









Here's Riley posing in front!







And just a cute picture for fun! His ears have fallen, which we are told is normal when they are teething! He looks so cute. Stay tuned for another installment of Addie's Corner later this week!

Freaky Friday

Ok, so there's nothing really freaky about today, I just needed a title, and the creative juices are quite limited these days.

I have been around. Work was busy this week, as I had 4 new referrals and a bunch of meetings. I still haven't heard from the job I interviewed at, but that is ok. The more I think about it, the more I feel it wouldn't really be a good match--though it would be great place to work for, I think they want things I don't feel comfortable delivering-like research and things I don't have any clue about. I think I know I want to at least finish pursuing my clinical license which I wouldn't be able to do there. I am staying put until something better comes around. I still have two irons in the fire as possibilities, but I am just laying low.

I have been looking into being a respite care provider for special needs kids, and I have been going through the process to to this. Last night we had our home study, which while very informal, was a little daunting. At the end, we wondered how many people would allow their kids to come stay in a lesbian household. It will be interesting to see how that all pans out.

Therapy is still going very well, but hard. I am looking forward to a break when we go away in August. Enough said about that for now. I start the group for women with PCOS tomorrow and I am looking forward to that.

Meanwhile, DP and I found a very peculiar bug on our tomatoes today, and it looked something like this. Now, I implore you to google "horn worm" and look at the disgusting pictures that come up. Just looking for this picture was enough to make me want to vomit--especially the ones that have wasp larvae on them. GAG me now. I suppose at some point we will need to go out and search for more since they seem to be eating at our tomatoes. Filthy bastards . . .


On another note, we have these beautiful flowers growing in our backyard. I shall leave you with this image--one much more pleasing to the eye . . .

What I have been up to!

Well folks--I thought I should get around to writing since my readership is soaring, and there's no better time that in the sweltering heat of the day. Temperatures here today have topped out so far at 99 degrees, and that's just way too damn hot for me. I am just saying. I not one of those folks who waits all winter for warmer weather--I hate sweating and feeling sticky and yucky. I don't let anyone near me unless I am not sweaty and sticky, and that makes for a lot of time apart from those that I love in the heat.

In any case, I have some things to share from the archives of my brain. I am not feeling well today--could be a multitude of things--got my period (third month in a row--what the heck is up with that??), I am tired, it is hot, I am bored with my job, I don't know what to talk about in therapy today . . .see, any number of things. I came home early from work today and corralled all the critters in the bedroom for an air conditioned nap. It went well, though I can't say I feel better. I could also legitimately in fact have something wrong. Who knows.

OK, on to better things. I will, in true beanie fashion give you a bulleted update on my life over the last few weeks. Sit back, relax, keep all hands inside the vehicle . . .

Now, in no particular order . . .

1. We went kayaking yesterday which was so absolutely fun. I must have reiterated how much I loved kayaking about a million times throughout the day. Even after I fell out of the boat... I love kayaking. Yes, it's true. I fell out. I was trying to avoid an oncoming tree limb, and I thought rather than back paddle, I would just duck . . .well, that's easier thought than executed, see when you duck in a kayak you off center yourself and the next thing you know your loved ones are laughing at you, and more worried about the location of the water bottle I was carrying. In all seriousness, I was a lot calmer about the situation that one would have thought given my flare for the dramatic. A nice man came and helped get me back in--since said loved ones just looked at me from afar snickering ;)

2. SIL was visiting this weekend--well, she was herefor work and we were volunteering for the event, Quash-->Check it out. It was like a city wide scavenger hunt type thing. It was good fun, for a good organization. Heck, the rate my father is going I will need the services of the organization soon.

3. My sweet, dearest little friend K. and her sister were in their aunt's wedding last weekend and DP and I went to help out. They both just looked so precious, and I just love being around them-and their family. I am glad we could help out and make the day at least a little bit less stressful for all. K, by the way, is kicking that leukemia right out of her, and doing great. Some rocky times at points, but all in all she is holding her own and has managed to stay out of the hospital for a while now. Keep the prayers and thoughts going her way. Oh, and mom and dad might need some thoughts as they recently adopted two kittens for the girls.

4. Work has been work. Nothing terribly exciting. I have decided to start poking my head around to some other potential job opportunities. I was actually contacted by the director of a program at a major local university asking if I would be interested in applying for a senior research position. Not exactly what I was looking for, but has parts that are appealing. It is a grant funded position, but they have guaranteed funding for 4 years, and he told me that he has a great track record of getting funding. I have also sent my resume to the local children's hospital for consideration in their newly opened research center for autism. I am hoping they have something that will be more clinical than research, but I am open to something new. The idea of being able to take a train to work is really good right now. Took me $45 to fill up my Saturn today . . .too much.

5. We have started to go to obedience school with Addie. She had one session and I don't think she particularly likes the new schooling opportunity. We worked with her one night last week and she got herself all worked up that she threw up. We hope tomorrow will go well, though it is going to be hot as all get out again and the training takes place in this opened warehouse/garage thing. Luckily it is DP's turn to work with her. The class is 8 weeks and we will trade off each week on who actually handles her, and the other will watch.

6. We love our neighbors. They are just so nice and we couldn't ask for better ones--did I also mention that they have a pool? Yes, they do and they are very open to us using it whenever we want. I have to say though, their daughter came over Sunday and we had grand plans to use the pool, and she had to go be all up in it. The nerve. So we didn't go in. We did buy a wading pool for Addie--she seemed to like it-though we had to "help" her like it.

7. I saw James Taylor last weekend and it was fabulous. I went with one of my bestest friends, and we had a good time. She thought we had lawn seats, and we got there super early and scoped out a great seat. So then I am looking at the tickets again, and it turns out that we had actual seats and didn't know it. It was good fun. And guess what??? I am going again this weekend to see him at the Borgota in Atlantic City with our friend RHB . . .those seats are in the second row--SECOND ROW!!???!! I think I might pee myself being that close. The venue itself isn't that big-so I am very excited.

8. Weight loss update-->there is no weight loss. There was some gainage over the holiday weekend, but I am back to where I was before-which is still the lowest I have been. I have been trying to do better, but it just seems that I can never get it right. I will be starting to go to a PCOS support/therapy group starting in July which is run by a nutritionist that I used to see, and some therapist lady. It will be good I think to talk with others who have having food and PCOS issues.

9. I have a boy that is in love with me . . .he is 4 years old. He just loves me very very much, and asks for me a lot--so much so that he drives his mother crazy. He looks at me with googley eyes, and asks when I am going to come back. He is so stinking cute. His little sister is very advanced for her age. It is fun to be around typical kids sometimes--reminds me that not all kids are autistic and so needy.

Um, I guess that's is for right now. I hope all is well in your corners!!

Update

I am alive, really. It has been a long week or so, and I have been neglectful of my blogging duties.

Work has been stressing me out, and I have had to look long and hard at what I am doing, what I want to be doing, and how to find a middle ground with my career. There is a small light that appeared today in the form of a possible employment opportunity which I am excited about exploring, but even in the excitement I feel afraid and fearful that I am doing the wrong thing, and I tend to feel that I am obligated to a position forever. I know it is not like they can't find another social worker, but I just feel like I could be leaving them high and dry. I know, I know, but it feels different since they recruited me and have been building this program around me right now. I know it is not my responsibility to be sure this program makes it. I can only do so much, and I am realizing that. My sanity cannot suffer, and I am slowly falling into feelings that I left a while back and never want to go back to again. I need to stick up for myself. I need to feel good about what I am doing day in and day out.

I need something stable . . .I need to know I have a place to go and a job that will not run out--I mean I know that any job can run out, but I am not handling the ambiguity and unknowns as well as I thought. I am sooooo grateful for the opportunities that I have here, but I know I can't do this long term.

Life is ok. I had a hard time today after listening to a church sermon from this weekend, and called one of my church ladies and told her that I was leaving based on what I heard. I think we are working it out, but I am feeling all sorts of conflicted about some things, and really am questioning myself and trying to protect myself. It hurts to have this part of me feel so unsettled--especially since I have been growing closer and closer to myself and god lately.

I have been able to connect lately with an old friend . .and not that she is old, but you know. She and I have had lunch a few times, and I am reminded why this person is so valuable to me and why I love our friendship.

Oh, on a happy note, we have decided that the new pup will be a boy-- after getting lots of opinions about having same sexed dogs and what was better. His name will be Riley, and he should be born on or around May 24. We will go get him the second week of August. We also have a mommy bird who has taken up residence in our rose bush. I hope the babies don't fall out when they hatch, cause it will be really ouchy. Perhaps that's her version of barbed wire to protect her babies. We peek in at her daily to say hi, though yesterday she scared the heck out of my by flying out just as I was about to peer in. There are 3 eggs in the nest.

Also, today is DP and I's 6th anniversary together. We celebrated by going to a nice restaurant that we had been given a gift certificate to, and going to Rita's Water Ice for dessert. It was great fun!

Maybe more in a few days.

Gremlins

Not only have they remained, but I think they have taken out a lease on my chest . . .

Brief update-

1. Guess who is going to see James Taylor this summer???? hehe

2. Went to visit the folks this weekend and it was good. We just went up for a few hours yesterday, and we saw my brother and SIL and little tyke. He is at a fun age right now . .I am going to miss seeing him. Therapist and I are working on NOT getting so caught up in my parents drama, and it seems to be catching on. I feel less and less like I need to meddle. Then we met friend on the way home for dinner. Good times despite the drowning in snot part.

3. I have been listening to this sermon series by a guy named Rob Bell . . .I have a crush on Rob Bell . . .I have talked about this before I think. He is great and I love most of what he has to say-and how he says it. In any case, I have been listening to a sermon series on Philipians, and he has been talking about Grace and Peace. He suggested that when we begin to go on a rant about how incompetent we think we are, or how horrible we feel, or how we can do nothing right, that we remind ourselves about Grace and Peace. When someone is mean to us, or we feel upset by something someone did-remembering grace and peace. Or how great it would be if we all felt comfortable enough with others to interrupt them when they are being discouraging toward themselves or others and remind them-grace and peace. no condemnation here-why are you holding onto this??? I am not sure why this series is affecting me so, but I am taking it in and I think it is helping a tiny tiny bit to challenge the way I think about myself.

4. I did begin to work on the beanie shack in the basement, and actually have the scrapbooking stuff down in the basement now. I still need to work on a rug of some sort, but I got a great table and a fairly comfy chair at Costco last weekend and was very excited to get things moving down there. But, alas, there has been no movement on the scrapbooking front since last weekend.


Ok, off to do some reading and rest. I have a long day tomorrow. . .

Better

Helllooo!

OK, for those of you that thought I had succumbed to the dark side, I would like to reassure you that I am ok. Things have been busy the last few days, but I had a good weekend and I am looking forward to my week. I have a light week ahead, a trip to the dentist (which I am SOOO looking forward to . .an aside, I've gone to the dentist every six months for like the last 30 years, and because of the job switch it has been longer and I need clean teeth, I need them NOW), getting our taxes done, and finally, a visit from a certified arborist. What could be better?

I will write more soon. I promise. Off to bed. Tonights dinner was oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I feel slightly ill. DP, who has been a bad influence on me the last few days, has promised we are back on the bandwagon tomorrow. I am so easily swayed . .

Hope all of you are well.

**Update**

I recognize that I am an adult and have made my own decisions about what I do or do not eat, and therefore should not blame others for what I do or do not do. It is not fair of me to blame others, and for that I apologize!