My therapist thinks that I should be working on getting in touch with my anger . . .I reported that I didn't do anger and she decided that was even MORE reason for me to do anger. Well, in her desire to have me get in touch with my anger, she is angering me. I wish I had the ability to get mad with her, but I am too scared of driving her away . . .I am equally scared of my anger . . .so what do I do . .I decide to leave therapy.
While I know this is not the answer, it has been good to think about just walking away from it . .. but I know i still have a long way to go. I know I need to address these remaining issues, but I would rather not and it's getting hard. She and I have worked together for 8 years and I feel comfortable enough most times when things are going well, but how do you tell you therapist that she's pissing you off and pushing you too hard? I will not leave her, because who else would put up with my crazy self???
In addition to her making me angry, people at work are being just plain stupid. I don't get mad much at work because I generally love what I do. I am now the admission's director at my place and I like getting to meet new families in this place where they need help and they need help NOW. But some of the people I am working with right now are driving me batty, and today my supervisor came down to my office and noted that I was feeling upset, and she knew that was a problem because I never get upset or ask for help really. I am glad she came down and I felt better after we talked, but the stupid people will still be there tomorrow . . .
Here's how I feel after my day . . .
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Follow up on the downstairs apartment
I went to see a new gyn yesterday . .who is also a PCOS specialist. I was really nervous, and remembered that I was really mad at Holly for leaving. Holly was my super cool hippie chic midwife that had been doing my exams for the last couple of years at a local birth center. She was the first person I had seen for those things in a number of years--actually, I had only been to a two other people. I had a theory that I would see a new person each time, then I couldn't be embarrassed. But Holly always made me feel like it was ok, and I was ok. But then Holly up and left and I was stranded without anyone. I was having more pain, and thought it best I see doc.
The woman I went to was super nice. I didn't want to like her, and I made it very clear that no one was getting near the downstairs apartment today . . .and she respected that and said the doc and I would just chat. Doc came in and introduced herself and said we'd go to her office. After giving her the run down, including symptoms, family history, sexual abuse, rape, blah blah blah, she looked at me and said something to the effect of "wow, you have been though a lot and have done a lot of hard work to get to this place, huh" Lady, you have NO idea.
I was really nervous as we were talking, but she was really nice about everything, and asked my option about the eating disorder places I had been, saying she worked with a lot of women with ED's and wondered what I thought about them. In the end, she decided that she was not so sure I even had PCOS anymore.
Apparently when you lose weight . .and I have lost about 70lbs since my heaviest . . .you can grow out of it. So she wanted to do some lab work, and do an internal ultrasound. She told me she normally had people go to radiology to have that done, but she felt I didn't need to have to go to another place, and she said she would do it for me when she did the exam next time. I thought that was really nice of her, and she certainly didn't have to say or offer that. She also said that even though she didn't normally see folks for annual appointments, if I felt comfortable with her, she would continue to see me for those. Again, really nice.
We finished up the appointment, which lasted about an hour, and I got to my car with the action plan. Oh, it also included starting to take birth control again to help with the painful periods. She wanted to get blood work results back and I will see her in a couple of weeks.
In the car after the appointment, I started to drive and suddenly began to cry . .really hard. I realized that while I know I have done a lot of work to get to this place, it is still really hard to say all that stuff to a new person and not feel shameful . . and then to have that person make you feel safe and supported was just really neat. I wasn't sad so much as I was a mix of relieved and happy that I had found someone who was empathetic and understanding of how hard all that was for me. I go back in two weeks for the blood work results and exam. Wish me luck . . .
The woman I went to was super nice. I didn't want to like her, and I made it very clear that no one was getting near the downstairs apartment today . . .and she respected that and said the doc and I would just chat. Doc came in and introduced herself and said we'd go to her office. After giving her the run down, including symptoms, family history, sexual abuse, rape, blah blah blah, she looked at me and said something to the effect of "wow, you have been though a lot and have done a lot of hard work to get to this place, huh" Lady, you have NO idea.
I was really nervous as we were talking, but she was really nice about everything, and asked my option about the eating disorder places I had been, saying she worked with a lot of women with ED's and wondered what I thought about them. In the end, she decided that she was not so sure I even had PCOS anymore.
Apparently when you lose weight . .and I have lost about 70lbs since my heaviest . . .you can grow out of it. So she wanted to do some lab work, and do an internal ultrasound. She told me she normally had people go to radiology to have that done, but she felt I didn't need to have to go to another place, and she said she would do it for me when she did the exam next time. I thought that was really nice of her, and she certainly didn't have to say or offer that. She also said that even though she didn't normally see folks for annual appointments, if I felt comfortable with her, she would continue to see me for those. Again, really nice.
We finished up the appointment, which lasted about an hour, and I got to my car with the action plan. Oh, it also included starting to take birth control again to help with the painful periods. She wanted to get blood work results back and I will see her in a couple of weeks.
In the car after the appointment, I started to drive and suddenly began to cry . .really hard. I realized that while I know I have done a lot of work to get to this place, it is still really hard to say all that stuff to a new person and not feel shameful . . and then to have that person make you feel safe and supported was just really neat. I wasn't sad so much as I was a mix of relieved and happy that I had found someone who was empathetic and understanding of how hard all that was for me. I go back in two weeks for the blood work results and exam. Wish me luck . . .
Thursday, February 17, 2011
What a week
Hello folks! Last week was quite the week . . .as you all know, it started out with a concert by one of my favorite artists, Jennifer Knapp. The day arrived and I was so excited . . .I awoke and took my meds as usual with my soy milk, and I felt little nauseous. No big deal . . I had added a few supplements that day so I thought that was it. As the day wore on, I thought I still felt a bit off, but nothing was going to stop me from seeing the concert.
I got to the place to get our numbers which indicated in what order you would be let in the door to select your seats--they were only letting in 60 people. For the 8pm show we were 1 and 2, and I was 1 for the 10pm show. I was STOKED!!! As I was sitting in my car, I noticed a car next to me. To my surprise, a few minutes after that as I was jamming in my car to her latest CD, she gets out of the back of the car. I about had a heart attack! Smiling now from ear to ear, I forget that my tunny still doesn't feel quite right.
DP comes a little later and we head to the cafe down the way and order dinner. I am not feeling like I want to eat, so I get a turkey club sandwich and eat 1/4 of it after taking off everything but the turkey. The closer we get, the more excited I am becoming. We head off and get great seats for the 8pm show.
She was absolutely amazing. It is really wild to see someone that you have admired for so long, that close to you. She was about 10 feet from me as she sang . .and boy could she sing. She sounded exactly like she does on CD, which is amazing since sometimes you hear people sing and find that they really CAN'T sing!! lol
She played about an hour, and then she finished up. She was going to be available to meet people and sign autographs and such. OMG OMG OMG. Feeling a little better, I go over with someone I had met there at the concert. I stand in line and I get my picture taken with her, and a poster autographed. We talked for a couple of minutes and I am just in awe. She was so very personable .. I mean, not that I thought she would not be, but you never know. She has spent a lot of time talking to folks, and her handler tells her she needs to wrap it up so they can prepare for the next show.
I selected the same seat I had the first concert for the second. She began with a few of her older songs, and I was able to get a couple on video. About the 4th or 5th song in, she sings about a minute and all of the sudden I feel sick . . .like "I know you are singing right on front of me and it would be really rude of me to get up right now since I am in the front but holy shit I am going to blow . . ."
I get up and race to the back of the cafe to find that the one restroom is being occupied and the cover my mouth and hope for the best. No such luck . . it's coming and I grab the empty dish bucket that was siting out for folks to put their used dishes in. In the back of the cafe I find myself barfing into a bucket and wishing I could curl up and die. The guy sitting on the bench outside the bathroom was none too thrilled to be witness to this.
I sat there until the bathroom was available and then went in there. I was so freaking embarrassed. I have never barfed in public, and this was just not how I imagined things ending! I stayed in the back of the cafe until it was over . . .cleaned myself up the best I could, and then got out of dodge.
I barfed all night and into the next day. Spent the next two days home sick and just feeling really cruddy. I am so glad I had the pictures and video to prove I was there, because clearly I was really sick and ended up not taking in as much as I would have liked.
All in all, I am so glad I went. As I told my shrinky dink, my body gave me a big FU for not listening to it.
So there you have it . .I will leave you with a picture . . .
I got to the place to get our numbers which indicated in what order you would be let in the door to select your seats--they were only letting in 60 people. For the 8pm show we were 1 and 2, and I was 1 for the 10pm show. I was STOKED!!! As I was sitting in my car, I noticed a car next to me. To my surprise, a few minutes after that as I was jamming in my car to her latest CD, she gets out of the back of the car. I about had a heart attack! Smiling now from ear to ear, I forget that my tunny still doesn't feel quite right.
DP comes a little later and we head to the cafe down the way and order dinner. I am not feeling like I want to eat, so I get a turkey club sandwich and eat 1/4 of it after taking off everything but the turkey. The closer we get, the more excited I am becoming. We head off and get great seats for the 8pm show.
She was absolutely amazing. It is really wild to see someone that you have admired for so long, that close to you. She was about 10 feet from me as she sang . .and boy could she sing. She sounded exactly like she does on CD, which is amazing since sometimes you hear people sing and find that they really CAN'T sing!! lol
She played about an hour, and then she finished up. She was going to be available to meet people and sign autographs and such. OMG OMG OMG. Feeling a little better, I go over with someone I had met there at the concert. I stand in line and I get my picture taken with her, and a poster autographed. We talked for a couple of minutes and I am just in awe. She was so very personable .. I mean, not that I thought she would not be, but you never know. She has spent a lot of time talking to folks, and her handler tells her she needs to wrap it up so they can prepare for the next show.
I selected the same seat I had the first concert for the second. She began with a few of her older songs, and I was able to get a couple on video. About the 4th or 5th song in, she sings about a minute and all of the sudden I feel sick . . .like "I know you are singing right on front of me and it would be really rude of me to get up right now since I am in the front but holy shit I am going to blow . . ."
I get up and race to the back of the cafe to find that the one restroom is being occupied and the cover my mouth and hope for the best. No such luck . . it's coming and I grab the empty dish bucket that was siting out for folks to put their used dishes in. In the back of the cafe I find myself barfing into a bucket and wishing I could curl up and die. The guy sitting on the bench outside the bathroom was none too thrilled to be witness to this.
I sat there until the bathroom was available and then went in there. I was so freaking embarrassed. I have never barfed in public, and this was just not how I imagined things ending! I stayed in the back of the cafe until it was over . . .cleaned myself up the best I could, and then got out of dodge.
I barfed all night and into the next day. Spent the next two days home sick and just feeling really cruddy. I am so glad I had the pictures and video to prove I was there, because clearly I was really sick and ended up not taking in as much as I would have liked.
All in all, I am so glad I went. As I told my shrinky dink, my body gave me a big FU for not listening to it.
So there you have it . .I will leave you with a picture . . .
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Excited!
I know some of you read my Facebook, and know that I will be going to see Jennifer Knapp in concert at a local coffee shop. I am BEYOND excited, and just also bought myself a ticket for the second show that was added. DP will go to the first show with me and I will stay for the second by myself.
For those of you that do not know who she is, let me explain. She is a very well known Christian musician who came out last year as a lesbian. As you can imagine, the industry was not very welcoming of this. She sort of fell off the planet and lived in another country for a time and then last year decided to come out, and also came out with a new album.
It's been a long time since I have been this excited about something, but it also had me stop and think about the role music plays in my life and what it has meant to me over the years. Jennifer's music has seen me through the worst of times, and times that have been really good. I remember listening to her when I was hospitalized for my eating disorder, and just staring out the window-- scared of myself, scared of everything around me and holding onto every one of those words as if they were a life boat. Her singing about god, and being lost and broken and just wanting to feel whole again. Finding out just this year that she has come out as a lesbian has made those words even more meaningful. I know now why I was able to connect to them as I had . . .how to be in a relationship with god, your broken self, your gay self . . .it all makes sense now. The christian music industry that loved and awarded her music has turned their back on her and I wonder if this is the kind of god I want to be associated with. I am glad I am back at the church that I am, and no longer feel like I have to make those choices about what's more important . . god or being true to myself.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Period . . .games and other such things
So I think my period is coming. Actually, I know it is because my phone app tells me it should be here in 2 days. It has been getting worse in the last several months, and I am finally going to go see a PCOS specialist again to see if there's anything I can be doing. It just sucks to be laying there knowing you feel like shit because of this cruddy hormonal change taking place in your body at this particular time and have nothing you can do about it. I know this is only the beginning and I am sure to be a raging lunatic when my "change of life" occurs, but until then I will try and keep myself under control!
Today I came home from work and just felt blah . . .went to lay down for a little bit, and that seemed to do the trick. DP and I went out for dinner, came home and played Life.
We are having a game night tomorrow with some friends, and I bought Life for the occasion. I had downloaded it on my phone for the WI trip over the holidays and I forgot how fun it was. We have also been getting together with another couple about once a month to play Spite and have dinner. They turned us onto this game over the summer and we are addicted. I am not so good, but it's fun to get together. DP and deemed me our social planner, and I am trying to keep up sufficiently social, while still going to see mom and dad, working weekends, and keeping up with the dust bunnies!
What are some of your favorite games?
Today I came home from work and just felt blah . . .went to lay down for a little bit, and that seemed to do the trick. DP and I went out for dinner, came home and played Life.
We are having a game night tomorrow with some friends, and I bought Life for the occasion. I had downloaded it on my phone for the WI trip over the holidays and I forgot how fun it was. We have also been getting together with another couple about once a month to play Spite and have dinner. They turned us onto this game over the summer and we are addicted. I am not so good, but it's fun to get together. DP and deemed me our social planner, and I am trying to keep up sufficiently social, while still going to see mom and dad, working weekends, and keeping up with the dust bunnies!
What are some of your favorite games?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Lost and found
I am still here . . .are any of you?
I sit here remembering my blog and kinda wish I was still connected to folks. I did end up signing up for an online journal and it's been great. Realized that I was using my blog as much more of a journal than anything else, and having the real journal has helped me sort things out a bit.
Now I can just be really silly and entertaining on here without being so damn serious! lol
So what's been going on with all of you?
Anyone jealous that we are sitting on over two feet of snow . .the latest of which came yesterday at about 18 inches! I worked from home today and I got a lot done. Nice to have those days to work in my jammies!
Well, I don't want to tax myself as I ease back into this . . .let me know what's up with you!
I sit here remembering my blog and kinda wish I was still connected to folks. I did end up signing up for an online journal and it's been great. Realized that I was using my blog as much more of a journal than anything else, and having the real journal has helped me sort things out a bit.
Now I can just be really silly and entertaining on here without being so damn serious! lol
So what's been going on with all of you?
Anyone jealous that we are sitting on over two feet of snow . .the latest of which came yesterday at about 18 inches! I worked from home today and I got a lot done. Nice to have those days to work in my jammies!
Well, I don't want to tax myself as I ease back into this . . .let me know what's up with you!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Summer
It's been hot as hell this summer and I think my brain is rotting inside my head!! LOL
Hello everyone . . .how are things in your parts?
This summer is seemingly flying by. Since my surgery . . .which went well, though it was was a lot more painful than I could have imagined, I have been busy. PT three times a week, getting around via various people picking me up and taking me places, and just overall general fatigue that comes with all your body parts not working quite right.
I am getting better, and stronger, but it's taking a lot of work and my PT benefits are running short. I am only halfway finished with recovery and I only have ten more visits left!! Guess who needs to be doing more on her own . . .?
I have been quite lax in the food and exercise areas-though I recognize there isn't much TO do in the exercise area, but still. I have gained about 10 lbs back since the surgery and I don't feel too hot in the body image area . . .but alas I am moving along. I go back to therapy tomorrow after a three week break due to our schedules not matching up . . .I will be grateful to get back to it.
Otherwise I have been busily working away as the new director of children's admission's and family services. it has been great, and for the first time ever they have a waiting list! what a great position to be in! I mean, not great for families who are looking to get in, but nice that we have beds filled and that we can now be a bit more selective about who we take. I was also voted employee of the month this month as well! Whoo hoo.
I am realize that for those of you that follow me on facebook, a lot of this is old news . . .and I think all of my readership knows me on facebook except for KJ maybe . . .
What else--my brother is coming in tomorrow with little tyke, who just finished kindergarten!! Can you even believe it? They will be here for a few days, and the rentals are also coming in. DP and I are taking parents to see Celtic Women on Saturday. I am very excited about that, and hope that we all survive the weekend! Monday DP and I are calling out sick and going tubing with brother and little tyke . . .who from here on out shall be referred to as Little Man!
Some pictures from our trip to Michigan . . .Riley with how new water toy. He loved diving onto the water and fetching! Addie loved her stick and by the end of the week that thing was eaten down to nothing!!
Hello everyone . . .how are things in your parts?
This summer is seemingly flying by. Since my surgery . . .which went well, though it was was a lot more painful than I could have imagined, I have been busy. PT three times a week, getting around via various people picking me up and taking me places, and just overall general fatigue that comes with all your body parts not working quite right.
I am getting better, and stronger, but it's taking a lot of work and my PT benefits are running short. I am only halfway finished with recovery and I only have ten more visits left!! Guess who needs to be doing more on her own . . .?
I have been quite lax in the food and exercise areas-though I recognize there isn't much TO do in the exercise area, but still. I have gained about 10 lbs back since the surgery and I don't feel too hot in the body image area . . .but alas I am moving along. I go back to therapy tomorrow after a three week break due to our schedules not matching up . . .I will be grateful to get back to it.
Otherwise I have been busily working away as the new director of children's admission's and family services. it has been great, and for the first time ever they have a waiting list! what a great position to be in! I mean, not great for families who are looking to get in, but nice that we have beds filled and that we can now be a bit more selective about who we take. I was also voted employee of the month this month as well! Whoo hoo.
I am realize that for those of you that follow me on facebook, a lot of this is old news . . .and I think all of my readership knows me on facebook except for KJ maybe . . .
What else--my brother is coming in tomorrow with little tyke, who just finished kindergarten!! Can you even believe it? They will be here for a few days, and the rentals are also coming in. DP and I are taking parents to see Celtic Women on Saturday. I am very excited about that, and hope that we all survive the weekend! Monday DP and I are calling out sick and going tubing with brother and little tyke . . .who from here on out shall be referred to as Little Man!
Some pictures from our trip to Michigan . . .Riley with how new water toy. He loved diving onto the water and fetching! Addie loved her stick and by the end of the week that thing was eaten down to nothing!!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Ghosts of Ligaments Past
First off, thanks for all the very kind words about the weekend and my last post. The weekend went as well as could be expected, and mom was surprised and really liked her book. There were a few tense moments, but DP came to the rescue and I was VERY glad to be on the road home Saturday evening.
For those of you who don't know, I fell out of the garden last week--yes, I know, hard to do unless you are ME--as a result I have completely torn my ACL and will have reconstructive surgery next Friday. I am so not happy about this on a number of levels . . .mostly the level that will not allow me to drive for multiple weeks . . .since it is my right leg.
Secondly, I will receive a donor ligament . .yeah, like from a dead person. I keep having thoughts about the economy and people are cutting back on all sorts of things . . .so what if my surgeon takes the cheap way out and gets on on ebay or something, or on the clearance rack. I mean, there are clearance racks of sperm donors, so why not ACL's?? Not to mention DP keeps talking about my ligament coming with a ghost and what if the dogs sense that I have a foreign body part . ..will they bark at me or try to attack me??
Ugh . . .I think I would like to go spend some time with KJ and the Kids . . .she never ceases to crack me the hell up . . .and I think that would be good for my recover. In any case, I am free to whomever wants me since DP is leaving me high and dry after only a few days . . .it would involved slipping me some drugs occasionally and making sure I don't injure myself. Doesn't that sound like fun???
For those of you who don't know, I fell out of the garden last week--yes, I know, hard to do unless you are ME--as a result I have completely torn my ACL and will have reconstructive surgery next Friday. I am so not happy about this on a number of levels . . .mostly the level that will not allow me to drive for multiple weeks . . .since it is my right leg.
Secondly, I will receive a donor ligament . .yeah, like from a dead person. I keep having thoughts about the economy and people are cutting back on all sorts of things . . .so what if my surgeon takes the cheap way out and gets on on ebay or something, or on the clearance rack. I mean, there are clearance racks of sperm donors, so why not ACL's?? Not to mention DP keeps talking about my ligament coming with a ghost and what if the dogs sense that I have a foreign body part . ..will they bark at me or try to attack me??
Ugh . . .I think I would like to go spend some time with KJ and the Kids . . .she never ceases to crack me the hell up . . .and I think that would be good for my recover. In any case, I am free to whomever wants me since DP is leaving me high and dry after only a few days . . .it would involved slipping me some drugs occasionally and making sure I don't injure myself. Doesn't that sound like fun???
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Mother's Day
I have been feeling really down in the dumps lately, and then tearing my ACL on Monday evening did not help. I will have surgery in a few weeks and the timing on this could be better, but not the worst I suppose.
I was pondering mother's day tonight and shuttered. I couldn't understand why until I sat there for a moment and realized something. When things were at their worst with my brother's abuse, I was 12 and had hurt my knee and was in a long leg brace. I thought I was safe from whatever he'd do to me since I had this thing on my knee and how could he possibly do that, right? Well, he did and I remember lying there thinking nothing could be worse in my life.
That was right before Mother's Day weekend, and that weekend, on Mother's day was when I attempted to kill myself for the first time. He never abused me again after that . . .
Here I am, about 19 years later . .week before Mother's day, knee brace on again and I just feel overwhelmed . . lost . ..scared . . .little . . .hurting
I know things are soo sooo SOOOOO different right now, but Mother's day has always been a sore time for me, and this year will be no different. We will head up there on Friday to surprise mom as her birthday is Friday and mother's day is Sunday.
I feel like I am always trying to make up for that time that I was so selfish . . .and fear I will be trying for a long time since I always seem to mess it up somehow when I am around my mother. I am so angry for so many things, and she and I will never be in a place together to be able to make amends. She feels I should just get over what happened with my brother and move on. How do you just move on from that? I have tried and have done and AMAZING job, but there are times that bring you down so quickly you don't even know where they came from . . .
Maybe this year will be different. Maybe this year I will really be thankful for my mother.
She wasn't all bad . . .and she tried . . .and did the best with what she had.
I was pondering mother's day tonight and shuttered. I couldn't understand why until I sat there for a moment and realized something. When things were at their worst with my brother's abuse, I was 12 and had hurt my knee and was in a long leg brace. I thought I was safe from whatever he'd do to me since I had this thing on my knee and how could he possibly do that, right? Well, he did and I remember lying there thinking nothing could be worse in my life.
That was right before Mother's Day weekend, and that weekend, on Mother's day was when I attempted to kill myself for the first time. He never abused me again after that . . .
Here I am, about 19 years later . .week before Mother's day, knee brace on again and I just feel overwhelmed . . lost . ..scared . . .little . . .hurting
I know things are soo sooo SOOOOO different right now, but Mother's day has always been a sore time for me, and this year will be no different. We will head up there on Friday to surprise mom as her birthday is Friday and mother's day is Sunday.
I feel like I am always trying to make up for that time that I was so selfish . . .and fear I will be trying for a long time since I always seem to mess it up somehow when I am around my mother. I am so angry for so many things, and she and I will never be in a place together to be able to make amends. She feels I should just get over what happened with my brother and move on. How do you just move on from that? I have tried and have done and AMAZING job, but there are times that bring you down so quickly you don't even know where they came from . . .
Maybe this year will be different. Maybe this year I will really be thankful for my mother.
She wasn't all bad . . .and she tried . . .and did the best with what she had.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Dark
Sometimes things just seem dark and you have to remember that these times are meaningful in the journey as well. . . .just wish that was easier to take in at times.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The Tale of Two Neighbors
This post has been brewing for a little bit and I thought it was time to share.
We live on a busy road, and so having the normal neighborhood feel is not something we get to experience. We share a driveway with our neighbors T and L. They are the nicest people around-and I am NOT just saying that because the first time we met them they invited us over to swim in their pool and continue to allow us free reign in their pool when it is open!! While that certainly helps, they are just great. They have a daughter our age, and have always been very helpful to us-loaning us tools and helping with things around the house and yard. We take turns watching each other's dogs at times, have each other's house keys, and overall enjoy a very nice neighborly relationship. Recently T retired early from the post office and is kinda bored. He's been hinting around about wanting to find a part time job, but then he recently had his prostate removed and I think has decided he likes being home. He thought he could be our lawn and dog boy!! I think we have worked out a deal that he's going to let the dogs out twice a day and mow the lawn for us. I guess we'll give him some money for that, and it will all be worth it because I hate that Addie pees in the house and I hate mowing the lawn (truth be told I like mowing the lawn, it's just my really bad knee and ankle do not like mowing the lawn).
On the other side of us is a house that looks quite ramshackle-y.
We never really knew the guy who lived over there-though I think we did know that that he lived there with his mother who gets oxygen delivered. He does sit outside and smoke . . . . The backyard is filled with stuff, including a shower stall and a boat that we've never seen move. I had talked to him once when we got Riley to let him know we were getting a puppy and to let us know if they become bothersome with barking and whatnot. Found out his name, and that he looked like he could be an axe murderer with missing teeth. (consequently there was a report one day that an old woman had been found dead in her basement in our area and I thought for sure he'd off-d his mother) A little while later we discovered that he did dry walling and finally asked him to come give us a quote to help us with a project. He came over and we didn't do anything about it for a while because we didn't have money. Then this winter rolled around and we all seemed to be out shoveling a lot and cleaning off roofs and the like. His step-brother was staying with him, because it was too far to drive a half hour home each day and they were working on a project in the house.
Hang in there--I am getting to the point . . .
We talk to them some during the snowstorms, loaned them a roof shovel thing, and began to talk some more. They hang outside the window of the room they are working on and throw venison jerky to the dogs . .they like this . . .both the boys and the dogs. We ask them to come over again and talk to us about our project. They give us a quote and tell us they can start in a few days.
I have to say I was worried--by looks alone and the fact that their house doesn't look overly taken care of. I worried that DP agreed to have them in the house by themselves, and worried what we would do if they messed up and took our money. We gave him $500 for the supplies and prayed for the best . . .
Needless to say the first night I waited for DP to call me and give me a report as I was staying at a house doing respite. She called and I help my breath waiting for the worst and she surprised me by saying not only did they do a nice job, but they cleaned up really well. The next few days were much of the same, and in the end they did a fabulous job!!! I felt really bad for being so judgmental and for thinking the things that I did about them. We gave them a decent bonus for the work they did, as they fix some extra things while they were here which was very kind of them. They loved the dogs and took great care to clean up as they went along. T and L were curious as well and wanted to know how they did, as we had talked a bunch about how those neighbors just seemed "different"
Since then we have talked to them more. DP has talked to the mother who is 88 or something and has lived quite the life. He was hanging out the window the other day while I was mowing the lawn and commented about how horrible the mower sounded. I said yeah, I knew we probably needed to change the filter or something, but that we never got around to it. He said to bring it over when we were done and he'd show us. We brought it over and he said if we left it with him he'd sharpen the blades and change the filter. He returned it a few days later and not only did he do what he said he would, but he cleaned it up and I dare say it looks like a brand new mower.
The real great part happened yesterday. We came home to find our nicely cleaned mower in our back yard, and T and L working on a project in their front yard. We went to check it out, and then went to the other neighbor to thank him for our mower and ask him how much we owed him (he said nothing, but we will get him a gift card or something). He asked if we heard about the accident the day before in front of our house and we said no, but went out to find all the glass in the front lawn by the pole that someone schmucked into. He was standing there with us, and T and L came over and we all began to talk, and for the first time T and L met the neighbor on the other side, and it just felt so good knowing that we could bring these two neighbors together. We had only every talked about the other, but yet they have never met and L grew up in that house . . .
The moral of this very very very long story is that it's nice to be challenged on the things that we think about others. I can't wait to learn how to play poker . . .the mother next store told me she'd teach us. She would also like to meet the dogs . . .she likes dogs and hears them playing and hoped she'd get to meet them. She also paints, and tells stories, and has a very sweet smile. He may look like he could be an axe murderer, but I am finding out and that he and his mother are great neighbors to have.
The End!
We live on a busy road, and so having the normal neighborhood feel is not something we get to experience. We share a driveway with our neighbors T and L. They are the nicest people around-and I am NOT just saying that because the first time we met them they invited us over to swim in their pool and continue to allow us free reign in their pool when it is open!! While that certainly helps, they are just great. They have a daughter our age, and have always been very helpful to us-loaning us tools and helping with things around the house and yard. We take turns watching each other's dogs at times, have each other's house keys, and overall enjoy a very nice neighborly relationship. Recently T retired early from the post office and is kinda bored. He's been hinting around about wanting to find a part time job, but then he recently had his prostate removed and I think has decided he likes being home. He thought he could be our lawn and dog boy!! I think we have worked out a deal that he's going to let the dogs out twice a day and mow the lawn for us. I guess we'll give him some money for that, and it will all be worth it because I hate that Addie pees in the house and I hate mowing the lawn (truth be told I like mowing the lawn, it's just my really bad knee and ankle do not like mowing the lawn).On the other side of us is a house that looks quite ramshackle-y.
We never really knew the guy who lived over there-though I think we did know that that he lived there with his mother who gets oxygen delivered. He does sit outside and smoke . . . . The backyard is filled with stuff, including a shower stall and a boat that we've never seen move. I had talked to him once when we got Riley to let him know we were getting a puppy and to let us know if they become bothersome with barking and whatnot. Found out his name, and that he looked like he could be an axe murderer with missing teeth. (consequently there was a report one day that an old woman had been found dead in her basement in our area and I thought for sure he'd off-d his mother) A little while later we discovered that he did dry walling and finally asked him to come give us a quote to help us with a project. He came over and we didn't do anything about it for a while because we didn't have money. Then this winter rolled around and we all seemed to be out shoveling a lot and cleaning off roofs and the like. His step-brother was staying with him, because it was too far to drive a half hour home each day and they were working on a project in the house.Hang in there--I am getting to the point . . .
We talk to them some during the snowstorms, loaned them a roof shovel thing, and began to talk some more. They hang outside the window of the room they are working on and throw venison jerky to the dogs . .they like this . . .both the boys and the dogs. We ask them to come over again and talk to us about our project. They give us a quote and tell us they can start in a few days.
I have to say I was worried--by looks alone and the fact that their house doesn't look overly taken care of. I worried that DP agreed to have them in the house by themselves, and worried what we would do if they messed up and took our money. We gave him $500 for the supplies and prayed for the best . . .
Needless to say the first night I waited for DP to call me and give me a report as I was staying at a house doing respite. She called and I help my breath waiting for the worst and she surprised me by saying not only did they do a nice job, but they cleaned up really well. The next few days were much of the same, and in the end they did a fabulous job!!! I felt really bad for being so judgmental and for thinking the things that I did about them. We gave them a decent bonus for the work they did, as they fix some extra things while they were here which was very kind of them. They loved the dogs and took great care to clean up as they went along. T and L were curious as well and wanted to know how they did, as we had talked a bunch about how those neighbors just seemed "different"
Since then we have talked to them more. DP has talked to the mother who is 88 or something and has lived quite the life. He was hanging out the window the other day while I was mowing the lawn and commented about how horrible the mower sounded. I said yeah, I knew we probably needed to change the filter or something, but that we never got around to it. He said to bring it over when we were done and he'd show us. We brought it over and he said if we left it with him he'd sharpen the blades and change the filter. He returned it a few days later and not only did he do what he said he would, but he cleaned it up and I dare say it looks like a brand new mower.
The real great part happened yesterday. We came home to find our nicely cleaned mower in our back yard, and T and L working on a project in their front yard. We went to check it out, and then went to the other neighbor to thank him for our mower and ask him how much we owed him (he said nothing, but we will get him a gift card or something). He asked if we heard about the accident the day before in front of our house and we said no, but went out to find all the glass in the front lawn by the pole that someone schmucked into. He was standing there with us, and T and L came over and we all began to talk, and for the first time T and L met the neighbor on the other side, and it just felt so good knowing that we could bring these two neighbors together. We had only every talked about the other, but yet they have never met and L grew up in that house . . .
The moral of this very very very long story is that it's nice to be challenged on the things that we think about others. I can't wait to learn how to play poker . . .the mother next store told me she'd teach us. She would also like to meet the dogs . . .she likes dogs and hears them playing and hoped she'd get to meet them. She also paints, and tells stories, and has a very sweet smile. He may look like he could be an axe murderer, but I am finding out and that he and his mother are great neighbors to have.
The End!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Mother's Day
So mom's day is coming up . . .and her birthday is also two days before. She is constantly bugging me for copies of pictures that we take that she finds really cute.
She never does anything with the pictures and it irritates me that I give them to her and they sit around.
So this year we are making her one of those photo books from Shutt*rfly. I finally finished it tonight and I really hope she likes it!! She's impossible to buy for because she is not able to do much. I hope this brings her some enjoyment--though I know she will now want one every year.
They are a great idea. I did one for DP last xmas. They are a little more costly than printing pics only, but by the time I print and DO something with them I might as well have them do all the hard work. I am working on a year in review for us from last year!
Work is crazy . . .going to Florida Monday night into Tuesday and considering if I can possible squeeze in anything manageable at Disney and still be coherent in the morning for a work thing. Thoughts?
She never does anything with the pictures and it irritates me that I give them to her and they sit around.
So this year we are making her one of those photo books from Shutt*rfly. I finally finished it tonight and I really hope she likes it!! She's impossible to buy for because she is not able to do much. I hope this brings her some enjoyment--though I know she will now want one every year.
They are a great idea. I did one for DP last xmas. They are a little more costly than printing pics only, but by the time I print and DO something with them I might as well have them do all the hard work. I am working on a year in review for us from last year!
Work is crazy . . .going to Florida Monday night into Tuesday and considering if I can possible squeeze in anything manageable at Disney and still be coherent in the morning for a work thing. Thoughts?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Hello blog, it's me . . .beans!
Yeah, so I have been absent for a little bit. I did talk to DP about it last night and I think I will try and blog at least once a week. I do miss it. . . just taking the time to get the thoughts out there. Seems I don't take the time to stop long enough to catch up to myself--though in all honesty when I do I scare myself!
The new job responsibilites have been going really well. I am so freaking busy that I have little time to complain and wish for a life in a place where it is always 70 degrees and sunny. I am now the coordinator of children's admissions and family services. I deal with all the new admissions and families coming in, which also means I have a lot more say in who gets to come and not come. I have alredy had almost the same number of admissions they had last year--in the last 3 months!! I am seriously rocking it!! It's also hard to be in the position of turning away so many families. We have gotten so many referrals for adolescents that are over the age of 18 and really have serious issues. I can't imagine families trying to place them now . . .it's harder to do it younger, but even harder to get them placed at 18+. I have one school district in CT that I would say would write me a check if I would take their kid . . .sad sometimes. Dealing with a lot of NY school districts and learning all of their whacky ways of doing things! I am flying to FL in two weeks to screen a kid there. Staying overnight in Orlando . . .I have never been do Disney and it seems like a sin to be able to fly over it and be so near yet not be able to stay and visit!
Home is good. We have been working on some home improvement projects, and most of you that read my blog are also on FB so you have seen and heard all about that. It is nice to do stuff, but crazy how much it costs to do them. We are trying to do some stuff ourselves, like laying a small patio, but that was really hard. It is a nice spot now though! We are getting an estimate for a new small fence around an expanded garden area, though the garden is decidedly bare right now. We were going to buy stuff to make raised beds, then we decided that we will make the raised beds in the fall. So we need to get dirt and get going on planting the peas. We are about 3 weeks late in getting peas in the ground. We did start tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant. Can't wait for fresh stuff. We will rent a rototiller with our neighbors this weekend and get that sqaured away.
Family stuff is . . .well. You know. Had my bro down a month or so ago to see the down's specialist at CHOP and they determined that he didn't have early dementia, he was just acting out. I could have told you that, but it was good for me to get some support from the clinic. They have a social worker and a nurse practitioner who have been good. I am hoping to get the folks set up with a nutritionist as they are in serious need of help with their food issues. Bro in TX is having a hard time. SIL is no longer working and was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. He doesn't know what to do and refuses to get help for himself. He says they want to move back Northeast, and I am not objecting because TX is just too damn far and they have no support out there. It's a big giant mess and she isn't willing to do what she needs to in order to get the bipolar under control. She admitted in the hospital that she wanted to kill my brother and little tyke, and so brother is afraid to leave her alone with LT and she is saying now she wants to be a stay at home mom to which he responds hell NO!! What a mess . . .not my mess but I feel for him none the less. I think they will decide what they will do at the end of the school year since little tyke is in kindergarten this year. Shit how time flies!!
And for my issues. Hanging in there. Doing a lot of work on trauma stuff, and body image. Seems as if I have pretty cruddy body image! Hahahahahah . . .I laugh because it is out of control. I lost like 45 lbs and this weekend saw myself on video from the weekend and I looked larger than ever. I have no ability to see myself for what I am. It is really very sad to be honest. I wish I could just not worry about it anymore and just be happy with who I am and what I am doing with my life.
I am off tonight to the final LCSW supervision group that I have been facilitating. I was co-faciliatating in hopes that I would be able to start my own supervision group, but turns out I have to be 5 years post LSW and that will be next year. So I will reclaim my Wednesday's and perhaps have some chances to hang out with some old pals!
Hope all is well in your corners. See you next week. Same time, same beanie channel!
The new job responsibilites have been going really well. I am so freaking busy that I have little time to complain and wish for a life in a place where it is always 70 degrees and sunny. I am now the coordinator of children's admissions and family services. I deal with all the new admissions and families coming in, which also means I have a lot more say in who gets to come and not come. I have alredy had almost the same number of admissions they had last year--in the last 3 months!! I am seriously rocking it!! It's also hard to be in the position of turning away so many families. We have gotten so many referrals for adolescents that are over the age of 18 and really have serious issues. I can't imagine families trying to place them now . . .it's harder to do it younger, but even harder to get them placed at 18+. I have one school district in CT that I would say would write me a check if I would take their kid . . .sad sometimes. Dealing with a lot of NY school districts and learning all of their whacky ways of doing things! I am flying to FL in two weeks to screen a kid there. Staying overnight in Orlando . . .I have never been do Disney and it seems like a sin to be able to fly over it and be so near yet not be able to stay and visit!
Home is good. We have been working on some home improvement projects, and most of you that read my blog are also on FB so you have seen and heard all about that. It is nice to do stuff, but crazy how much it costs to do them. We are trying to do some stuff ourselves, like laying a small patio, but that was really hard. It is a nice spot now though! We are getting an estimate for a new small fence around an expanded garden area, though the garden is decidedly bare right now. We were going to buy stuff to make raised beds, then we decided that we will make the raised beds in the fall. So we need to get dirt and get going on planting the peas. We are about 3 weeks late in getting peas in the ground. We did start tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant. Can't wait for fresh stuff. We will rent a rototiller with our neighbors this weekend and get that sqaured away.
Family stuff is . . .well. You know. Had my bro down a month or so ago to see the down's specialist at CHOP and they determined that he didn't have early dementia, he was just acting out. I could have told you that, but it was good for me to get some support from the clinic. They have a social worker and a nurse practitioner who have been good. I am hoping to get the folks set up with a nutritionist as they are in serious need of help with their food issues. Bro in TX is having a hard time. SIL is no longer working and was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. He doesn't know what to do and refuses to get help for himself. He says they want to move back Northeast, and I am not objecting because TX is just too damn far and they have no support out there. It's a big giant mess and she isn't willing to do what she needs to in order to get the bipolar under control. She admitted in the hospital that she wanted to kill my brother and little tyke, and so brother is afraid to leave her alone with LT and she is saying now she wants to be a stay at home mom to which he responds hell NO!! What a mess . . .not my mess but I feel for him none the less. I think they will decide what they will do at the end of the school year since little tyke is in kindergarten this year. Shit how time flies!!
And for my issues. Hanging in there. Doing a lot of work on trauma stuff, and body image. Seems as if I have pretty cruddy body image! Hahahahahah . . .I laugh because it is out of control. I lost like 45 lbs and this weekend saw myself on video from the weekend and I looked larger than ever. I have no ability to see myself for what I am. It is really very sad to be honest. I wish I could just not worry about it anymore and just be happy with who I am and what I am doing with my life.
I am off tonight to the final LCSW supervision group that I have been facilitating. I was co-faciliatating in hopes that I would be able to start my own supervision group, but turns out I have to be 5 years post LSW and that will be next year. So I will reclaim my Wednesday's and perhaps have some chances to hang out with some old pals!
Hope all is well in your corners. See you next week. Same time, same beanie channel!
Sunday, February 07, 2010
where did my spell check button go
ok, so i no longer have the spell check option on my blog posts . . .do others still have it on theirs? if so, where is it??? help!!
across the top i have
two arrows, font, text, bold, italic, strike through, text color, highlight color, link, image, 4 alignments, 123 bullets, bullets, quote, remove formatting, and jump break . . .that's all. i used to have a button that i could press for spelling . . .
across the top i have
two arrows, font, text, bold, italic, strike through, text color, highlight color, link, image, 4 alignments, 123 bullets, bullets, quote, remove formatting, and jump break . . .that's all. i used to have a button that i could press for spelling . . .
Stealing from Daisy . . .
1. Do you use the labels various charities send you as “free gifts?” Rarely, because usually they have spelled my name wrong, and I rarely send things in the mail anymore. We use them for xmas cards and for when we go to expos and stuff so you do'nt have to write your address all the time.
2. What is your favorite time of day (or night) for skywatching? i love when i take the pups out at night and it is cool, not cold, not hot but perfect. looking up i am reminded that things aren't that big after all. love love love looking up at the stars. i would love to go camping sometime and just sleep under the stars!
3. What is the most adventurous you've ever been with trying a new food? i have no adventure when it comes to food. i have been telling DP that I would try come yummy new veggies if she deems them good. i have tried asparagus and brussel sprouts so far.
4. Have you ever heard a rock sing? um, perhaps once when i was using the wacky weed . . .
5. If you could learn a language you don't presently speak, what would it be? believe it or not, i learned spanish and french at one time, but know very little of either now.
6. Al Capone's tombstone read, “My Jesus, Mercy.” If you could write your own epitaph, what would it say? um, i really don't know. something cheesy about persevering and making the most of my life.
7. If you were a famous musician who was known by one name, like “Cher,” “Sting,” or “Jewel,” what would it be? It doesn’t have to be your first name, but it can be, if you’d like. Q
8. Have you ever been inordinately “into” a television show? not really . . .i get into phases where i watch things and then don't
9. When you sneeze, do you go big, or do you do that weird “heenh!” sound that makes people think you’re going to blow your brains out? Any other variation we should know about? i try not to sneeze big, but sometimes i can't help it. i try to hold it in and you are right, it feels like brains might come out my eyeballs or something. i have inherited the gift of sneezing 100 times like my mother.
10. Do you still read an actual newspaper that you hold in your hands, or do you get your news elsewhere? i read the pocono record from my folks house becasue it isn't nearly as depressing as the news around here. i also read the paper in Wisconsin. we have been getting the weekend paper delivered for a few months now for free, and we use the coupons.
11. Are you a good speller? i used to be, but spell checker has done me in. i was the spelling bee champion in elementary school numerous times!
12. At what time each day do you start thinking about lunch? depends on the day . . .usually around 11, but i have a mid morning snack of veggies and hummus most weekdays.
2. What is your favorite time of day (or night) for skywatching? i love when i take the pups out at night and it is cool, not cold, not hot but perfect. looking up i am reminded that things aren't that big after all. love love love looking up at the stars. i would love to go camping sometime and just sleep under the stars!
3. What is the most adventurous you've ever been with trying a new food? i have no adventure when it comes to food. i have been telling DP that I would try come yummy new veggies if she deems them good. i have tried asparagus and brussel sprouts so far.
4. Have you ever heard a rock sing? um, perhaps once when i was using the wacky weed . . .
5. If you could learn a language you don't presently speak, what would it be? believe it or not, i learned spanish and french at one time, but know very little of either now.
6. Al Capone's tombstone read, “My Jesus, Mercy.” If you could write your own epitaph, what would it say? um, i really don't know. something cheesy about persevering and making the most of my life.
7. If you were a famous musician who was known by one name, like “Cher,” “Sting,” or “Jewel,” what would it be? It doesn’t have to be your first name, but it can be, if you’d like. Q
8. Have you ever been inordinately “into” a television show? not really . . .i get into phases where i watch things and then don't
9. When you sneeze, do you go big, or do you do that weird “heenh!” sound that makes people think you’re going to blow your brains out? Any other variation we should know about? i try not to sneeze big, but sometimes i can't help it. i try to hold it in and you are right, it feels like brains might come out my eyeballs or something. i have inherited the gift of sneezing 100 times like my mother.
10. Do you still read an actual newspaper that you hold in your hands, or do you get your news elsewhere? i read the pocono record from my folks house becasue it isn't nearly as depressing as the news around here. i also read the paper in Wisconsin. we have been getting the weekend paper delivered for a few months now for free, and we use the coupons.
11. Are you a good speller? i used to be, but spell checker has done me in. i was the spelling bee champion in elementary school numerous times!
12. At what time each day do you start thinking about lunch? depends on the day . . .usually around 11, but i have a mid morning snack of veggies and hummus most weekdays.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Thanks
Thanks everyone for you words. I am glad to know I wasn't being crazy. I am just really sensitive about these kinds of things.
I sulked yesterday . . .but it was a lonely day. One of them sent me an email and was like " soooo, i get the sense you are upset . . ." i told her how i felt and she said they were still planning on doing something for my birthday. i told her not to bother at this point because it would just piss me off.
today i was better.
does anyone know what happened to the spell check feature on blogger?????
I sulked yesterday . . .but it was a lonely day. One of them sent me an email and was like " soooo, i get the sense you are upset . . ." i told her how i felt and she said they were still planning on doing something for my birthday. i told her not to bother at this point because it would just piss me off.
today i was better.
does anyone know what happened to the spell check feature on blogger?????
Sunday, January 31, 2010
I need some perspective . . .or something.
First off, I have to say that NOTHING I am about to say applies to Daisy . ..she will understand why soon.
Part I:
Ok, so DP and I are not very social people. We decided a while ago that we wanted to have a birthday party for our house--since it was going to be 100 years old this year. What a better excuse to have a party, right? We really got into it, and got lots of cool facts, ads, articles, music from 1910. It was awesome to do the research and check all that stuff out. We had a few other fun things going on like having people help us choose our paint color for the kitchen--they voted on 1 of 4 colors. We had also had gotten a take home paint your own pottery kit and bought tiles of different sizes so folks could make a tile commemorating the event. We aren't sure what we will do with them right now, but we will either make a table or frame them.
Part II:
I eat lunch with the same group of girls. There are 5 of us . . .4 of which I knew before when I worked there, so I have known them for years. I had been talking about the party for over a month now and everyone was very excited to come and we all talked about how much fun it would be. We seems to be a very tight group of women. Blah blah blah. We also celebrate birthday's with this group of ladies--usually by having a special lunch and goofy gifts. We have celebrated all birthday's this year . . .except mine. Nothing from no one . . .it kinda made me sad. Now I know I have a holiday birthday, but still. Nothing . . .
Part III:
Party day comes around, and mother nature decides she wants to crash the party. We ended up with maybe an inch of snow, if that. L had told me earlier in the week that if it snowed she would NOT be coming. She texted before the party to say she wasn't coming. T called to say she'd gotten mostly to our house but then she couldn't get through the roads and turned around (less than like a mile form our house). H never called or texted to say anything. S never called or texted or anything. S has also made plans to come to our house three other times and hasn't called or canceled.
Part IV:
We had a GREAT time with the folks that did come. We had about 25 people come and it was great to see some friends I hadn't seen in a while, and some that I see more often. The house was filled with much love, laughter, fun, food, and jello shots. I am so pleased with how it all turned out, and the tiles look amazing!
Part V:
I am finding myself really angry at my friends (the ones from work). I guess I am thinking that if they didn't want to come, or weren't going to come, then they shouldn't have made such a big deal ABOUT coming. They might have said, well, we aren't sure if we are going to make it, blah blah blah. I guess I just feel that typically I am very forgiving, and usually would just let it roll off my back . . but not acknowledging my birthday . . .not coming to a party . . .it just kind of stings a bit. My first reaction to DP was that I just wasn't going to talk to them tomorrow--which I know is a very childlike reaction. But I feel like I do need some space from them.
It is good timing anyways as I have started a new role at work as the admissions coordinator for the children's program and am busy--VERY busy . . .that would be a good excuse to separate a bit from them. I know there were other factors, and things beyond my control, and after all, i KNOW it isn't always about me . . .but the hurt is there none the less. I did miss Daisy, and knew she was coming from MUCH further than other folks and the weather was bad there--hopefully we will see each other again soon!
Not sure what I am looking for . . .just needed to vent. Thanks for reading . . .
Part I:
Ok, so DP and I are not very social people. We decided a while ago that we wanted to have a birthday party for our house--since it was going to be 100 years old this year. What a better excuse to have a party, right? We really got into it, and got lots of cool facts, ads, articles, music from 1910. It was awesome to do the research and check all that stuff out. We had a few other fun things going on like having people help us choose our paint color for the kitchen--they voted on 1 of 4 colors. We had also had gotten a take home paint your own pottery kit and bought tiles of different sizes so folks could make a tile commemorating the event. We aren't sure what we will do with them right now, but we will either make a table or frame them.
Part II:
I eat lunch with the same group of girls. There are 5 of us . . .4 of which I knew before when I worked there, so I have known them for years. I had been talking about the party for over a month now and everyone was very excited to come and we all talked about how much fun it would be. We seems to be a very tight group of women. Blah blah blah. We also celebrate birthday's with this group of ladies--usually by having a special lunch and goofy gifts. We have celebrated all birthday's this year . . .except mine. Nothing from no one . . .it kinda made me sad. Now I know I have a holiday birthday, but still. Nothing . . .
Part III:
Party day comes around, and mother nature decides she wants to crash the party. We ended up with maybe an inch of snow, if that. L had told me earlier in the week that if it snowed she would NOT be coming. She texted before the party to say she wasn't coming. T called to say she'd gotten mostly to our house but then she couldn't get through the roads and turned around (less than like a mile form our house). H never called or texted to say anything. S never called or texted or anything. S has also made plans to come to our house three other times and hasn't called or canceled.
Part IV:
We had a GREAT time with the folks that did come. We had about 25 people come and it was great to see some friends I hadn't seen in a while, and some that I see more often. The house was filled with much love, laughter, fun, food, and jello shots. I am so pleased with how it all turned out, and the tiles look amazing!
Part V:
I am finding myself really angry at my friends (the ones from work). I guess I am thinking that if they didn't want to come, or weren't going to come, then they shouldn't have made such a big deal ABOUT coming. They might have said, well, we aren't sure if we are going to make it, blah blah blah. I guess I just feel that typically I am very forgiving, and usually would just let it roll off my back . . but not acknowledging my birthday . . .not coming to a party . . .it just kind of stings a bit. My first reaction to DP was that I just wasn't going to talk to them tomorrow--which I know is a very childlike reaction. But I feel like I do need some space from them.
It is good timing anyways as I have started a new role at work as the admissions coordinator for the children's program and am busy--VERY busy . . .that would be a good excuse to separate a bit from them. I know there were other factors, and things beyond my control, and after all, i KNOW it isn't always about me . . .but the hurt is there none the less. I did miss Daisy, and knew she was coming from MUCH further than other folks and the weather was bad there--hopefully we will see each other again soon!
Not sure what I am looking for . . .just needed to vent. Thanks for reading . . .
Monday, December 21, 2009
Christmas time is here . . .Almost!
Well my day today so far has been excruciatingly boring, so I thought I would take some time to write to my fine following!! We had 13 inches of snow this weekend, and I am sure glad it happened over a weekend, as I would have likely have had to come to work if it weren't. Other folks in the Philly area got 23 inches of snow. Holy Crap that is a lot of snow. I am so glad that we decided to go in on a snow blower with our neighbors last year. It sure did come in handy and reduced our shoveling time by a LOT! See Riley not enjoying the blizzard condition!This Christmas we will be at my folk’s house, and that should be ok. I have significantly limited the amount of time I have been spending there the last two months, so I am hoping for a good holiday. We will only be there 12/24-12/26. DP's sister is coming in from Minneapolis on Saturday--which also happens to be my birthday! She will be here for a week and that will be fun. We don’t have a ton planned, and I only work three days that week. This week I only work today and tomorrow!!!!
We have had lots of household plans to think about, the latest of which is whether or not to carpet the upstairs. There is hardwood up there now, but it is in bad shaped, and you can tell it was carpeted before. Perhaps they pulled it up to sell it. In any case, it is just getting annoying to see if looking so bad, and splintering our feet. Also, Addie's hips have been causing her more problems and so that is the only area of the house that is not carpeted with a rug. Since we can't afford to refinish/replace the wood, we decided to get carpet just in the upstairs, and a runner down the stairs. Hopefully this will help until we can afford to fix the floors properly--in like 10 years!! We posted on facebook that we were thinking of doing this, and who the hell knew people were such carpet haters!! I guess I understand if you have kids and pups in a high traffic area, but we figure in the bedroom and stairs we should be ok. AT least that's what we are telling ourselves. At the end of the day it is our house and we will decide . . .I think they will be measuring today and hopefully we can get it by next week.
We also had a contractor come out to let us know about a bunch of small things we need to get done--all things my brother or father in law could do, but seeing as how they all live so damn far away, we went to the next best thing. A friend's father!! I wish owning an old home didn't cost so much money! Oh well, we love our home and will do what we can, when we can.
Speaking of our home, we are having a birthday party for it in January. Our house will be 100 years old and we are taking the opportunity to have some folks over and celebrate. We were thinking of getting tiles and having folks decorate them and then we could make it into a table or something. We also thought the house would like to take a collection for a new stove. Ours is pretty bad, and we thought instead of having folks bring other stuff, we would just do that . . .hope that isn't tacky . . .
I guess that's it for now. I should get back to work. Or back to reading old leadership notes from 4 years ago. Really, I am bored and there's not much to do today. I have some meetings this afternoon, so that will be good. I will be taking on a new position as of January, so I suppose I oughta enjoy the quiet now!!
Hope you are all well in your corners!
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Just blah
Wish I had more exciting things to say these days . . .just feeling rather blah. The Christmas spirit seems to have worn off and we have only just begun. I know it will return, but until then I am just hanging in there.
We got a visit from the police today . ..apparently someone called twice today saying the dogs (though more than likely it was Addie!) were barking excessively . . .it irritates me when folks call anonymously instead of coming to the people and talking to them. We had gone to both our neighbors and said if they were barking to let us know. Obviously they are in the outdoor kennel all day, so we don't know what they do. It just makes me mad-mostly because I wish we didn't have to leave them so long, and I wish that we could walk them more, and I wish that we had better control over their behaviors. I know I am awfully whiny, but this is my blog and I can whine if I want to.
Work is work. I forgot how much it sucked to want snow so badly, but then remember that you work at a residential facility that doesn't shut down in the snow. They expect you to be there--even though my day to day job is not direct care, I am still expected to be there. So while DP wishes for snow days, I don't. Wonder if our wishes cancel each other out?
Well, that's about all I will torture you with.
OHHH, wait. I have one more thing to say about work in general. It really gets to me when folks think that just because I am a social worker that I can somehow save the flippin world and fix everyone's problems. I am only human people and just because you come to me with a problem does NOT mean I can fix it. Also, don't be surprised if I ask you to participate in the solution!! Everyone wants stuff done, but doesn't want to do what is needed to actually fix problems. ok, really done now!
We got a visit from the police today . ..apparently someone called twice today saying the dogs (though more than likely it was Addie!) were barking excessively . . .it irritates me when folks call anonymously instead of coming to the people and talking to them. We had gone to both our neighbors and said if they were barking to let us know. Obviously they are in the outdoor kennel all day, so we don't know what they do. It just makes me mad-mostly because I wish we didn't have to leave them so long, and I wish that we could walk them more, and I wish that we had better control over their behaviors. I know I am awfully whiny, but this is my blog and I can whine if I want to.
Work is work. I forgot how much it sucked to want snow so badly, but then remember that you work at a residential facility that doesn't shut down in the snow. They expect you to be there--even though my day to day job is not direct care, I am still expected to be there. So while DP wishes for snow days, I don't. Wonder if our wishes cancel each other out?
Well, that's about all I will torture you with.
OHHH, wait. I have one more thing to say about work in general. It really gets to me when folks think that just because I am a social worker that I can somehow save the flippin world and fix everyone's problems. I am only human people and just because you come to me with a problem does NOT mean I can fix it. Also, don't be surprised if I ask you to participate in the solution!! Everyone wants stuff done, but doesn't want to do what is needed to actually fix problems. ok, really done now!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
god damned swine
so while all the prisoners had their swine flue shots, our clients who are medically fragile haven't been able to get them.
one is in the hospital now . . .her parents took her off the ventilator tonight and she will probably die before tomorrow.
what the hell kind of sense does that make . ..some days god just pisses me the hell off!
***Update-->she passed away last night***
one is in the hospital now . . .her parents took her off the ventilator tonight and she will probably die before tomorrow.
what the hell kind of sense does that make . ..some days god just pisses me the hell off!
***Update-->she passed away last night***
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